AITA for telling my dad that I wouldn’t need to use my magical “child of divorce” powers if he didn’t f up in the first place?

Jonathan Hours
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Life under one roof can feel like a tightly choreographed dance—until someone steps on your toes. Imagine a close-knit blended family, three adoring half-siblings who share laughter and inside jokes, suddenly learning their parents’ love story has ended—for the third time. The shockwaves ripple through living rooms and group chats alike, leaving children clutching questions and bruised feelings.

When a divorce announcement lands virtually, with curt explanations and no room for questions, it’s as if the adults hit “skip” on vital conversations. Now, a 17-year-old daughter—no stranger to separation—faces an impossible request: be the family therapist. But is it fair to shoulder the emotional weight of three younger kids when the grown-ups are the ones who stumbled?

‘AITA for telling my dad that I wouldn’t need to use my magical “child of divorce” powers if he didn’t f up in the first place?’

My(F17) mum and dad separated when I was six and he remarried to 'Maggie' when I was eight, since then they've had three kids together who I absolutely adore. Even though we're only half siblings they all tie for the number one spot on my list of favorite people and we're pretty close. + My dad is currently going through his third marriage as he was married once before my mum.

My dad told me a few days ago that he and Maggie are getting divorced for reasons I'd rather not explicitly disclose but in general they're both at fault. He is currently staying at my grandparent's house (and has been for about two weeks) but my siblings think he's away on business. He really wants to see us so he asked me to come down and I agreed. However, when he told them they did not take it well.

At all. and while I'm not really surprised at their reaction, from the way it was described to me I don't think he really helped. From what I understand, Maggie and him sat them down (my dad appeared virtually), told them they were getting a divorce, refused to answer any questions as to why except for them saying that 'They  don't love each other anymore, and theyhaven't for a while now,'.

They told them that there was nothing more they could do for each other and that they were sick of trying. My siblings flipped s**t and apparently haven't even been speaking with my stepmother since she told them. Now, when my dad told me this he said that while he wanted to spend time with me this weekend, he needed me to 'patch up' the kids and use my 'experience' as a 'child of divorce'.

I told him I wasn't a therapist and that while I'm more than happy to help, I can't promise that they're gonna want to talk to them because they have a right to be upset. He said that they were just overreacting and that they were gonna have to 'grow up and get used to it' because 'bitching about it isn't going to change anything' at this point I just straight up told him that if *some people* could keep it in their pants,

maybe we wouldn't be here. He said that was unfair and that it he was my father and that I had no right to talk to him like that. I responded that he had no right to tell my siblings (or anybody) how to feel and that I hoped for the next marriage he might get it together. He hung up.. AITA?

Letting a parent rely on a teenage child as an emotional mediator isn’t just unrealistic—it overlooks professional insight into how children process divorce. Emotional Impact on Kids “Most react to their parents’ divorce with painful emotions including sadness, confusion, fears of abandonment, guilt, misconceptions, anger, loyalty conflicts, worry and grief,” notes the Child Encyclopedia of Divorce and Separation child-encyclopedia.com. In other words, children often need structured support, not impromptu counseling from a sibling.

Long-Term Adjustment Renowned psychologist Judith Wallerstein, who led a 25-year study on “children of divorce,” found that “the age of the child at the time of the divorce really matters, and the quality of post-divorce life is crucial for the children” en.wikipedia.org. Her research revealed that without proper parental guidance and stability, children may carry lingering fears into adulthood.

Broadening the Issue Studies show 20–25% of children exhibit severe emotional or behavioral problems during parental separation, compared to about 10% in intact families. Yet roughly 75–80% eventually adjust well if provided consistency, open dialogue, and professional resources en.wikipedia.org. This highlights the need for parents—not teens—to arrange counseling or family therapy.

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Guidance and Solutions Experts recommend clear communication and age-appropriate explanations. The American Psychological Association suggests joint custody arrangements and family therapy can buffer emotional fallout (see apa.org/topics/divorce-child-custody) apa.org. Rather than asking a sibling to “patch things up,” parents should:

Offer honest but gentle explanations. Encourage questions at a safe, supportive pace. Seek a licensed counselor or support group for the whole family. When adults take responsibility, they model resilience and respect boundaries—key ingredients for helping kids thrive after upheaval.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid and humorous:

[Reddit User] - NTA you are 17 years old. and you are right with evrything.. 1. you are not a therapist.. 2. you and your siblings dont ask to be born.. 3. you, your siblings has a right tu be upset. But for your sake don't let you used by them, it is their responsebility bring their s**t together, not yours.

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sammotico - NTA you are absolutely not your half-siblings' therapist and your dad is asking you to handle them for him because otherwise he'd have to address how he screwed up here and actually parent. good on you for recognizing it and telling him no. honestly, if this is his third time divorcing, you would think he'd have learned what not to do by now.

Hajime97Hinata - NTA, i wish i could buy you a beer for such an epic response XD

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hailbeavis - NTA. It's his (and Maggie's) responsibility to arrange for therapy for the kids, not to guilt you into playing that role instead. Divorce can have a huge impact on younger kids and he sounds like he's taking this far more lightly than his kids are. Calling dad out may have been unnecessary, but dad was being completely unreasonable and sounds like he could use the wake-up call.

That being said, your dad's hostility on the matter (if unusual) could be a sign that he feels a reasonable amount of guilt for what his kids are going through. If so, he's coming from a place of many emotions and may not be at his most reasonable right now. Nonetheless, asking you to do the job of a trained mental health professional is inappropriate and you were right to decline.

Lumpy_Mix_2605 - NTA. He's the parent, so he should start acting like one.

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[Reddit User] - NTA...but I don't think kids really need to know the intimate details of a parents divorce anyway. 'We don't love each other any more' is a valid enough reason.. It's the parents responsibility to make sure their kids are OK though, not yours

rayvon2006 - NTA. He screwed up and wants you to fix it. On the other hand, I bet they'll appreciate you if you can help as you seem to be close. I guess do you feel okay helping them because you care about them and not because he asked you to?

Dont-trust-it - NTA. Both your father and Maggie were incredibly insensitive in the way they delivered this news to your siblings. Your siblings are likely not only devastated but confused and hurt too. It is your father and Maggie's responsibility as your siblings parents to help them through these emotions and reassure them throughout this whole process.

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If they feel they cannot do this, they should give your siblings access to a therapist.They have failed miserably. This does not now mean it is down to you to talk to your siblings and take over their parents job or the job of a therapist.

You are however free to offer some reassuring sisterly advice should you choose. For them to fully understand that you have been in a similar position and have come out the other side would probarly help them tremendously. You could do it for your 3 favorite people, not your father.

Weskit - NTA. I think you're great. I'm glad you have your half-siblings for support and they have you. Be there for them—not to patch things up with their dad, but just to be a listening ear. You cannot and should not be expected to repair what your dad has broken. I'm sure you're not actively undermining their relationship with their dad, because that would also be a bad idea. But you shouldn't even try to fix things with his other family.

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LoveBeach8 - NTA Someone needed to tell him straight up and apparently he doesn't like the truth. I hope you can stay in touch with your half siblings. They're going to need you.

These popular opinions remind us that while siblings can offer solidarity, true healing comes from parents owning their choices.

Divorce is a family transition best navigated with honesty, professional guidance, and mutual respect—never by offloading emotional labor onto a teen. What would you do if you were asked to play therapist in your own family? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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