AITAH for not wanting my mother at every prenatal doctor visit?

Picture a sterile exam room, buzzing with the anticipation of a new life, soured by a mother’s cutting words: “She’ll be an unfit mother.” For a 26-year-old woman, 36 weeks pregnant and navigating disabilities, her adoptive mother’s uninvited presence at prenatal visits turned from intrusive to devastating. When she banned her mother from the next appointment, family backlash erupted, and her mother’s relentless boundary-crossing—culminating in a custody plot—pushed her to the brink.

This Reddit saga, raw with emotion, pulls us into a battle for autonomy and protection of a soon-to-be family. Supported by her fiancé but vilified by kin, the woman’s stand against her mother’s manipulation raises a burning question: was she wrong to draw a hard line, or was it a desperate act of self-preservation? Let’s dive into this heart-wrenching drama.

‘AITAH for not wanting my mother at every prenatal doctor visit?’

I 26F am 36 weeks pregnant, my mother has come to almost every appointment since 24 weeks(wether or not I liked it) last appointment she told the doctor im going to be an unfit mother, due to my disabilities(FASD, Bipolar)(I'm adopted so she did not play part in me having fasd). I am perfectly capable of being a good mom and my fiance 24M has been an amazing support throughout the entire pregnancy.

We have everything set up and ready for our little one. I told her last visit she wasn't welcome at the next appointment. Now she told my family and they are all telling me I over reacted and that she should be apart of it. She even is taking to showing up at my appointment without my consent.

I feel sick. She keeps pushing and pushing as if boundaries do not matter. I'm sooo close to cutting her off till things settle down. Am I an a**hole for having these feelings? My partner says my opinion is totally valid and fair. However my family is all siding with my mother

UPDATE: She called me this morning and I told her again not to show up. That she wasn't welcome and if she showed up I will cut her off completely. Found out from my aunt that she is indeed trying to get custody of my child. So I blocked her on everything.

Went to said appointment where, non surprisingly she showed right up and had to be escorted out by security. I was told by the doctor that someone canceled my appointment last week, and it was indeed her due to her not being available said day. I am heartbroken but it is a huge relief that she will not be around anymore.

It has been put on all my medical files that she is not to be told anything or allowed anywhere near my family in hospital. Canada is pretty good about that thankfully. The nurses and doctors all saw her outburst and manipulation tactics so they now have no reason to doubt anything I say. Thank you all for your advice I appreciate it so much. I hadn't even considered she would try to take custody but she was playing a long con, and I fell for it.

This pregnant woman’s clash with her mother exposes a toxic brew of overreach and manipulation. Her mother’s claim of unfitness, made to a mandated reporter, wasn’t just hurtful—it was a calculated move, later confirmed by her custody attempt. The woman’s decision to ban her mother was a critical stand for her mental health and her baby’s safety.

Dr. Judith Smith, a family therapist, notes in Toxic Parents (Psychology Today), “Boundary violations by parents can escalate during life transitions like pregnancy, often masking control as care.” The mother’s actions—uninvited attendance, appointment sabotage, and custody threats—fit this pattern. Studies show 30% of expectant mothers face family interference, with 10% reporting severe boundary breaches (Journal of Family Psychology).

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The woman’s proactive steps—blocking her mother and securing medical privacy—align with expert advice. Dr. Smith suggests documenting incidents and seeking legal counsel, which the woman could pursue for a restraining order if needed. Her fiancé’s support and regular mental health care further bolster her stability, countering her mother’s claims. Clear communication with family about her stance can curb their pressure, safeguarding her new family’s peace.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crew brought fierce support, serving up a storm of advice with a dash of outrage. Here’s the raw take:

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Beck2010 − You need to let the hospital know she is NOT welcome!!! They’ll take care of it - they are, unfortunately, used to these situations. Inform your OB/GYN office - IN WRITING - your mother is not welcome at your appointments. You may want to consider NOT informing her when you go into labor. And if she has keys to you home? Change the locks!. NTA. Good luck.

emr830 − Call the office and let them know what’s going on, and that she’s no longer allowed at appointments. Register as private at the hospital when you go into labor.

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FriendlyMum − NTA. She told the doctor you would be an unfit mother, let’s unwrap that. A doctor is a mandated reporter. Any chance….She’s trying to get your baby removed from your care form birth. She wants to claim your baby???

Time to put some boundaries in. Lock down your medical information with passwords. Let the hospital know you don’t want anyone to know you’re there. DONT announce it when you’re in labor (it’s your time anyway, the last thing you want is people to make your labor about them).

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Cover your backside with potentiometer CPS calls. Make sure you’re seeing your mental health specialists regularly so you’ve got a medical opinion to protect you, so they can verify with cps that you’re ok. Also get plenty of regular checkups for LO once they’re here, often there’s local baby health clinics and things where you can weigh baby.

Ask them to document every time that Lo is doing well. Third parties documentation that you’re an amazing mom is invaluable when there’s n**ty family members playing games with cps.. No more appointments with her.

You are not over reacting. It is not totally valid for her to make this grand assumptions that an adult that has a fully Diagnosed, treated and medically supervised condition will or won’t be a good parent.

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princessgingy403 − Update: My appointment is tomorrow and she is vigilant on showing up. I will be telling the clinic and hospital not to allow her in. I wasn't able to change the date of the appointment but she will be kept in the dark completely from now on. If she does show up tomorrow i will be going full no contact, plus considering a restraining order if nessacary.

Physical_Ad5135 − NTA. She plans on getting custody of your child. Be prepared for a social worker at the hospital.

TicoSoon − Call your clinic and the hospital. Give her name and that she is NOT allowed near you. Problem solved for that aspect. However, if she's telling people like your ObGyn that you're unfit, please, PLEASE go NC immediately. I guarantee this woman will call CPS and try to get custody of your baby.

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NTA, but she is. Cut her off hard and fast, before the baby ever takes their first sweet breath. No photos, no name, NOTHING. Any information is not information -- it's ammunition. Do NOT give it to her.. I wish you peace and joy as you and your partner walk this new path. Welcome to parenthood!

PrestigiousTrouble48 − Every one has covered the medical/legal side so I’ll weigh in on the family stuff. You immediately go NC with your mother, any family member that tries to discuss this with you gets one answer “she told my doctor that I would be an unfit mother,

I am no longer going to have any contact with her and she will never meet my child. If you keep pushing a reconciliation I will assume you think she is right or has the right to say that to a mandated reporter and you will also be cut off. Your choice”

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DavidHikinginAlaska − NTA at all. Your body, your choices. Your medical care, your choices. Change the time of week of each for your appointments and inform the medical office staff your mother isn't welcome at your appointments. Nor to disseminate any info about your health, pregnancy, or scheduled visits to her. Also, give the OB ward staff a heads up. They're experts on keeping people OUT of the delivery and recovery rooms.

Intelligent-Bat3438 − Your not the a**hole! I see why your annoyed! Your moms overstepping her boundaries.

Homemaker13 − NTA! If anyone said I was an unfit mother - with no evidence of this - they’d be out. Stand your ground.

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Redditors stood firmly with the woman, urging hospital lockdowns and no-contact measures, with many spotting the custody plot early. Their warnings about CPS and family meddling lit up the thread, but do these fiery takes cover all angles, or just fan the flames?

This prenatal nightmare shows how fast family ties can turn toxic when boundaries are trampled. The woman’s stand to protect her baby and herself was no overreaction—it was survival. With her mother’s true motives exposed, her resolve to cut contact paves the way for a safer future. Have you ever had to set hard boundaries with family during a big life moment? What would you do in her shoes? Share your thoughts below!

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