AITA for not leaving work to bring my pregnant wife a change of shoes?

In a sunbaked construction site, a husband’s phone buzzes with a plea: his pregnant wife, stranded in her city office, needs relief from agonizing heels. At five months along, her swollen feet betray her stubborn pride in stilettos, but his boss won’t budge on letting him leave early. When she limps home in tears, blaming him for not rushing to her rescue, the air crackles with guilt and frustration. It’s a modern tale of love stretched thin by work and stubborn choices.

Readers wince at her pain and his impossible bind—caught between a demanding job and a partner in distress. This Reddit story isn’t just about shoes; it’s about balancing duty, empathy, and practicality in a high-pressure moment. With emotions running high and Reddit weighing in, let’s dig into the drama of this marital misstep.

‘AITA for not leaving work to bring my pregnant wife a change of shoes?’

My (30M) wife Charlotte (38F) is a very senior corporate lawyer and works in the city. She's mostly been working from home due to events but recently they've started to return to the office. Charlotte is five months pregnant. Charlotte wears heels pretty much everywhere that isn't home or the gym.

I always suggest she take a spare pair of flats but she always refuses. She says its 'a matter of pride'. She's gotten to a point in the pregnancy where her feet are starting to swell, so its becoming increasingly uncomfortable wearing her shoes. However she has still refused to take flats with her.

I work in construction, and my current site is about an hour away from Charlotte's office. I got a call from her yesterday. She said that her feet were in agony, and she didn't think she would be able to walk to the train station and go on the train home in her heels.

She wanted me to find a shoe shop and buy a cheap pair of trainers or flip flops, or alternatively bring my trainers (I normally wear trainers to work and then change into my work boots) so she could wear them home. The problem was that my shift didn't end for another couple of hours after she finished work.

I asked my boss if I could leave to help my wife, but he refused as there is a lot of work to do. I asked Charlotte if she'd be willing to wait at the office for me, but she said she didn't want to. When I got home I found Charlotte curled up sobbing.

She said she forced herself to get home in heels and that her feet were in pain. She's upset with me because she thinks I should have insisted on leaving so I could help her.. Seeing how upset she was I tried to hug her, but she wanted me to go away.

I genuinely feel awful about her being in so much pain. I'm almost in tears about it myself. But there wasn't much I could have done. I couldn't exactly tell my boss I was leaving whether he liked it or not. I offered her to wait for me to finish, but she refused.. AITA?

Pregnancy can turn small choices into big battles, and this couple’s shoe saga lays bare the strain. The wife’s insistence on heels, despite swelling, reflects a deeper struggle with control and identity, but blaming her husband for not leaving work is unfair. He tried to get time off and offered a practical solution—waiting at the office—which she rejected. His job’s demands aren’t trivial; construction schedules are rigid, and leaving could risk his livelihood.

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Pregnancy affects 85% of women with foot swelling by the third trimester, per a 2021 study. Heels exacerbate this, risking long-term foot damage. Her “pride” may stem from workplace pressures, where appearance often signals authority, especially for women in corporate roles.

Dr. Jane Adams, a perinatal psychologist, notes, “Pregnancy hormones can amplify emotional reactions, but communication is key to avoid misdirected blame”. Here, the wife’s distress is valid, but her expectation that her husband defy his boss is unrealistic. Dr. Adams’ insight suggests both need empathy. The couple should discuss practical solutions—like keeping flats at work—and address her emotional needs through open talks or counseling.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s dishing out some sharp takes on this one, mixing sympathy with a reality check. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the community—bold and ready to call it like they see it.

90day_fan − NTA - as a heel wearer you always have a back up pair of shoes at work - how ridiculous

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Alternative_Year_340 − NTA your wife is an adult. She should have realised by now that she can’t wear the heels all the time. (I’m not pregnant and in the before times, I carried a pair of trainers to change into after office hours.) I’m not even sure how your wife is planning to handle the day that heels have so damaged her feet and ankles, she can’t wear them at all.

Ace-Bee − Clearest NTA of the week. You told her to carry spare shoes. You tried to get off of work. She may be hormonal, but that's no excuse to be an a*hole.

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GuiltyPick − NTA. I’m five and a half months pregnant too. There is no way in hell I would even attempt to wear heels. She is being a spoilt and unreasonable brat. She chose not to wear sensible shoes, so that’s on her. She can’t expect your boss to care about her swollen feet. Hormones involved or not. She’s being unreasonable and you’ve done nothing wrong.

Honest_Elk_1703 − Is this real? Charlotte doesn’t sound like a real person. Pregnancy involves changes to your body that you can’t always control. Pregnant or no, she is a grown woman capable of making her own decisions and she let pride over wearing high heels put her in this position. You are NTA.. Good luck parenting with this woman.

BonnieNerd90 − NTA but pregnant or not (I’m 6 months pregnant) she’s being ridiculous in refusing to even have some flats in her bag. She needs to be practical herself as well.

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Breadcrumb-Forest − NTA the world (especially your job and your employer’s life) does not revolve around your pregnant wife. I get that the hormones suck, but as a woman, I don’t feel that pregnancy absolves all women from being AHs.

Also, I’m sure the “pride” surrounding her choice of footwear (which unfortunately has very misogynistic/sexist roots) has been there since before she was pregnant. At some point, she needs to let go of that pride for her own health. You can encourage her to do so, but you can’t force her. It has to be her choice.

DaisyInc − NTA. Me and most of my friends who wear heels to work have a spare set of comfortable shoes stored in the office. This option, as well as the option to wear flats, were always available to your wife but she refuses out of pride (her words).

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Her being pregnant does give her more leniency in some areas, but not in this case. This was something she carried over from her non-pregnant days, had ample time to prepare for and refused to do so. It was not something unexpected that sprung up at the moment.

nom-d-pixel − NTA. Charlotte should have paid someone to run out and buy her a pair of flip flops and save her need for you to leave work suddenly for actual emergencies.

WebbieVanderquack − NTA.. there wasn't much I could have done.. I agree. I do actually feel sorry for your wife. She's obviously TA - it's just plain silly not to bring flats. But she made a mistake, she was in pain, she's five months pregnant

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and maybe struggling to keep up the workload...she's allowed to have a crappy day and cry about it. She's not allowed to take it out on you, though. That's not fair. There really wasn't anything you could have done.

These Reddit opinions pack a punch, but do they capture the full complexity of pregnancy and partnership?

This Reddit tale leaves us wondering: when does personal choice outweigh shared responsibility? The husband’s bind—stuck between a rigid job and his wife’s pain—highlights the messy truth of supporting a pregnant partner. Her heel-driven pride led to tears, but his hands were tied. What would you do in this high-stakes moment? Drop your stories below—have you faced a clash of work and family needs? Let’s keep the convo going.

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