[UPDATE] AITA for not paying my stepbrothers tuition?

The sting of betrayal hung heavy when a 26-year-old woman uncovered a web of lies spun by her estranged father. Already reeling from refusing to pay her stepbrother’s tuition while funding her younger brother’s, she learned her stepmother’s friend breached confidentiality, exposing her financial support. Worse, her father had painted her and her brother as runaways to extended family, masking his choice to kick them out at 18.

A Zoom confrontation laid bare the truth, but their silence over nine years sealed her resolve. She blocked them all, choosing her brother and boyfriend as her true family, and planned a move to a new city. Was her decision to sever ties a bold escape or a painful necessity? This gripping update dives deeper into family deception, loyalty, and the cost of reclaiming one’s peace.

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post

‘[UPDATE] AITA for not paying my stepbrothers tuition?’

A few hours after I posted this I started to dig because I was wondering how they found out I was paying for my brother since no one apart from me, my boyfriend, my brother and my bank agent know. Turns out a friend of my stepmother works in the administration office of the college and she told my stepmother I was paying.

I went furious as this is a clear violation of confidential information and I'm currently working with my lawyer to sue her for this. Now on to the real issue. Sortly after I posted, I re-read the texts I got from my extended family. To me they seemed off, something was irritating me and I figure out what exactly.

It was the way they accused me and blamed me that ticked it off. So I called in a zoom meeting. It turns out that when my father kicked me out they told them it was MY CHOICE to run away and he is disappointed by his child. Told the same story about by brother when he kicked him out, too.

That's why they never reached out to me. However, they had 9 years to do anything and they never did, so they are out of my life. I boocked them and dont want to hear from then again. As to my father, stepmother and stepbrother, called me again and again and again.

I continued to say no and after learning they lied to everyone I didn't bother to answer their calls again. I blocked them after that. My brother and I decided to go completely no contact with everyone from now on. I'm a bit sad that I won't be able to talk to my stepbrother, like I said, we had a quite good relationship like friends.

But he supported and agreed with my dad and stepmother's way of talking to me so I see no point in investigating time in this relationship. Guess he was also just interested in the money or he would have acted otherwise. They tried to blame me that I'm responsible if my stepbrother doesn't get a good job. Br I just don't care. I had to manage it myself the didn't give a damn.

So I'm not going to give in. My brother, boyfriend and I are moving in another city 45 minutes away next week anyways (planned for months now so it has nothing to do with this) so I won't be likely to bump into them (we lived in the same city until know and even though it's fairly big there was always a chance of bumping into each other). I don't think they know it and I'm not planning to tell them.

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If they find out I don't care. To me they don't exist from now on and my boyfriend, my brother and I will continue to live together as our little family. Also, because some people asked, my boyfriend has a big family, but they live on the other side of the world, so I only have seen them twice in the 10 years we are together.. Again, thank you so much for all your kind words..

Edit to answer a few questions:. -I'm not in the US.. -There is no family left on my mother's side. -I had the chance to tell my extended family what really happened but apart from two people they didn't believe me.

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-MAYBE I will reconcile with my stepbrother sometime in the future, but right know I'm not in the right mind to do so. -My brother and I are already in the process of completely cutting off my father and we are creating wills and medical POCs in case something happens. It just takes some time but my lawyer is working on it.

Family estrangement cuts deep, and this woman’s choice to go no-contact after uncovering her father’s lies exposes the raw cost of betrayal. Refusing to fund her stepbrother’s tuition already strained ties, but learning her stepmother’s friend violated confidentiality and her father misrepresented her past cemented her resolve. Let’s unpack it.

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Her father’s deception—claiming she and her brother chose to leave—shifted blame, isolating them from extended family. Dr. Joshua Coleman, an estrangement expert, notes, “False narratives in families often protect the teller at the expense of truth.” The breach of confidentiality by her stepmother’s friend adds a legal dimension, as such violations erode trust. Her stepbrother’s alignment with their parents, despite their past friendship, suggests he prioritized financial gain over loyalty, further justifying her boundaries.

This reflects broader trends: 27% of adults report family estrangement, often tied to perceived betrayals, per a 2022 survey. Her decision to cut contact protects her emotional and financial well-being, especially after years of neglect. Moving cities reinforces this boundary, reducing the risk of unwanted encounters.

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Dr. Coleman advises, “Estrangement can be a healthy response to toxic dynamics, but processing grief is key.” She might benefit from therapy to navigate sadness over losing her stepbrother, while legal steps like wills ensure her brother remains her sole kin. Her small family—brother and boyfriend—offers a foundation for healing.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit rallied with fierce support and sharp insights on this dramatic update. Here’s what the community said about her bold move:

StAlvis − I think I'm **most disappointed** to hear that your stepbrother, whom you considered a friend if not quite family, was behaving **just as entitled** as dad and stepmom.. *Very glad* to hear that you're moving your new little family away from all this drama.

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orangeticking − That’s beyond f**ked. I’m glad you cut them out of your life. You have your real family already.

mocha_lattes_ − Please make sure you and your brother go through the legal process of disowning your family members in case something happens to either of you. As of right now (in my country, I know you said you aren't in the US) if one of you become incapacitated your dad would be the one to make all medical decisions for you. Make sure you two are the only legal next of kin for each other, can make medical decisions and have wills made.

fadingstatic − I’m always amazed when the child(ren) of such an awful parent manages to become such a responsible, caring, and level-headed person on their own. Despite the terrible treatment of your dad and his family, you seemed to have done everything right for yourself and your brother!

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tacwombat − I read both the original and the update. 1. that's messed up that a friend of the stepmom did that. And after reading a comment that they got into trouble after you filed a complaint, I realize that your stepmom now lost an inside contact who would have helped your stepbrother get enrolled. Too bad. Now they've burned TWO bridges with their actions.

2 . I hope you got the chance to inform your relatives about what really happened. It's awful that they didn't take the time to check on you and learn your side of the situation. 3. You have a wonderful boyfriend and a good brother. Your brother is lucky to have you, and moving away will be good for all of you.

TheLoudCanadianGirl − Wow what a situation to be in. Good for you for moving on and finding a way to thrive on your own. Also, you’re an awesome big sister for helping your brother as much as you have. As for step family and bio dad, s**ew em.

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It’s absolutely astonishing the lengths your father will go to make it seem like he is a great parent and you are the bad child. I don’t blame you for cutting contact. As I said before, good for you for moving past this. Keep moving forward and don’t look back. Any contact with your fam will likely just cause further stress.

retrofr0g − The truth finally came out. Good on you for going NC with everyone. Time to move on and stop carying the burden of your s**tty ex-'family' (aka, leeches)

KTB1962 − Wow. I hate to say this, but your family really sucks if they didn't reach out to make sure you and your brother were all right. I don't blame you for cutting them all out of your life. Here's hoping you and your brother surpass them all in life. And good luck with the lawsuit!

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Its-Antinoxious − Wow, your father needs to chill out

[Reddit User] − Glad you investigated cause yea I was wondering that as well. Use whatever settlement money towards the college or maybe invest for you and your brother? Information breeches are no joke and they will settle as to not get slammed. Good on you for NC. I’m sad for you cause it’s a loss however you are right. They could’ve said something in the last 10 years.

These Redditors brought fire, but do their takes capture the full picture?

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This update lays bare the wreckage of family lies and the strength to walk away. The woman’s choice to sever ties and build a new life with her chosen family is a testament to resilience. Was going no-contact her only path, or could reconciliation ever heal these wounds? Family drama cuts deep—how would you handle such betrayal? Share your experiences below and let’s untangle this messy knot together.

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