AITAH for not supporting my sister in having a baby?

The dinner table felt like a battlefield when a 32-year-old woman faced her sister’s tearful plea for help. Emma, 29, dreamed of motherhood, her heart set on a big family, but two failed IVF rounds left her and her husband financially strapped. With no savings and mounting debts, they turned to her sister, a career-driven, child-free woman who’d built a comfortable life through grit and discipline. The ask? Fund their next IVF attempt. Her firm “no” unleashed a storm of accusations—selfish, heartless, anti-family.

Emma’s hurt clashed with her sister’s resolve to protect her hard-earned independence. Was her refusal a cold calculation or a stand for personal boundaries? This raw story of clashing dreams and family pressure pulls us into the messy heart of choice, obligation, and the cost of chasing dreams—both literal and emotional. Let’s unpack it.

‘AITAH for not supporting my sister in having a baby?’

My (F32) sister Emma (F29) has always wanted to have kids and be a SAHM. Thats literally all she dreamed about, a big wedding, house, kids. I have a very different idea of life in the opposite direction. As in career and childfree. Let me be clear. I am not ditching her choice. Every person has right to their own choices.

But I do not think forcing other people to bear brunt of your choices is good. To get to the story, our parents spend a fortune on my sister's wedding. She got married around 5 years ago. They have trouble concieving and has already gone through two sets of IVF. It is sad.

Our parents dont have any money to help them and neither does BILs family. From what I know, they don't have savings, are renting and have not paid off their student loans.. Few weeks ago they asked if I could help them. I said no. They asked why. I just said my answer is no. I am sorry for them, but I won't give them money.

They kept pushing about it. Saying how I go on exotic vacations and own a house already. I do. I workes hard in college with full scholarship and immediately got a well paying job. I lived within my means and saved up to buy my own house. Its not much, just a 2BHK apartment. But to me its great.

I said my financial status is none of their business. If they want to have a family, they need to be able to afford it themselves. Not ask me. My sister got mad at me saying I am refusing to help her because I hate children. I am punishing her for her choices. I said I am doing no such thing. She is entitled to her choices. But I am not obliged to fund her.

She is really mad at me for not helping and my parents are asking me too. They are saying no matter my choices, I should support my sister since I can. I am still not on board since I believe only people who can afford kids should have them. And that I shouldn't have to pay for her choices.. My sister, her husband and his family are calling me AH.. AITAH?

Family ties can tug hard, but this woman’s refusal to fund her sister’s IVF highlights the thorny issue of financial boundaries. Emma’s dream of motherhood is valid, but expecting her sister to foot the bill—especially without savings or a plan—strains fairness. Let’s break it down.

Emma and her husband’s financial struggles, with no savings and unpaid loans, raise questions about their readiness for parenthood. Dr. Brad Klontz, a financial psychologist, notes, “Asking family for money without a repayment plan often stems from entitlement, straining relationships.” The sister’s success—her house, vacations—makes her a target, but her hard work doesn’t obligate her to subsidize others’ choices. Emma’s accusation that her sister “hates children” deflects responsibility, ignoring the real issue: affordability.

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This reflects broader trends, with 40% of Americans unable to cover a $1,000 emergency, per a 2023 survey. IVF, costing $15,000–$20,000 per cycle, is a massive ask, and raising a child is pricier still. The sister’s stance—that only those who can afford kids should have them—may sound harsh but aligns with financial prudence.

Dr. Klontz advises, “Clear boundaries prevent resentment in family financial disputes.” The woman’s refusal protects her stability, but a calm, empathetic conversation—like affirming Emma’s dream while holding firm—might ease tension. Emma could explore jobs or crowdfunding, taking ownership of her goal.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit didn’t mince words, dishing out support and sharp insights. Here’s what the community had to say about this family clash:

Dipshitistan − NTA. You are not, in any universe, responsible for your sister’s fertility issues.

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Chaoticgood790 − IVF is five figures minimum. You are not required to fund that for anyone. Also how are they going to afford a kid then? NTA

Electronic_Fox_6383 − Tell your sister that her choices are hers to fund alone. If she can't see the sense in that, ask her to pay for your next exotic vacation and see how quickly that conversation gets shut down. Money does not make for healthy relationships. Stand firm. NTA

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MrGreyJetZ − NTA.Your sister and her husband could be a 2 income family, and need to live within their means, and support a child. It's not your responsibility to support them. They are adults.Be a kind an loving aunt to the child, but your sister and BIL and need to make the adjustments.

Aggressive-Peace-698 − NTA. Your sister is for trying to emotionally blackmail you and attack you for your own choices. Don't let her. She is an adult who has chosen to be a housewife, not work, rely on her husband to support her. You do not owe her a thing. It is not your fault that the your sister and BIL do not have the means,

which should tell them that they both should work for what they want, instead of expecting handouts. Even if they are successful, it sounds like their finances are stretched and they won't even be able to afford to raise any future child without getting out the begging bowl. Tell her to get a job.

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RedBlow22 − Grifters gonna grift.. Ask, ' If you can't afford IVF, how can you afford a baby?'. And, 'You're punishing me for my choices that are different from yours'. This is a slippery slope. You help once, and they'll expect the money spigot to never turn off.

Kattymcnugget − NTA. She’s a grown woman in a marriage. It is her and her husbands responsibility to handle that on their own. I have hit rough patches and my brother has loaned me small amounts which I always pay back. That’s one thing. She’s asking you to fund something very expensive but even as expensive as IVF is, having kids is even more expensive. They need to be able to support THEIR family. Not your job at all.

JustMyThoughtNow − Ask her in what universe are you responsible for her choices.

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CherryWand − I think putting in writing, like over text, something very clear like 'I LOVE that you dream of being a mom, I love that you know what you want in life, and I want you to have it!

But unfortunately I don't consider it to be my responsibility to attempt to ensure that you have what you want. I really love you and want the best for you, but I'm not okay with this being put on me and I won't respond if you continue to put this responsibility on me.'. ​. NTA also

laglpg − And if you help her have a baby, she’s going to want your house, “because you don’t need all of that room.”

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These Redditors brought the heat, but do their takes hold up? Drop your perspective to stir the pot further.

This story exposes the raw edges of family loyalty, where dreams and dollars collide. The woman’s refusal to fund her sister’s IVF wasn’t about spite but safeguarding her own path. Was she right to draw that line, or should family step up no matter the cost? Money and love make uneasy bedfellows—how would you handle a similar ask? Share your thoughts below and let’s unravel this tangled web together.

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