AITA For taking my ex-wife yo court despite all the drama it will cause?

In a quiet hospital room, a dying friend’s tearful confession upends a man’s world: his ex-wife, once a trusted partner, admitted years ago that their oldest child, now 26, isn’t his. For nearly two decades, he paid child support and alimony, raising two kids he loves fiercely, unaware of the secret. The revelation, shared by a college friend who was like an aunt to his children, sparks a mix of anger and resolve, pushing him to confront a painful betrayal.

Now, armed with a paternity test confirming the truth, he’s taking his ex-wife to court for fraud, seeking justice for thousands in payments made under false pretenses. His love for his kids remains unshaken, but the sting of deception drives his fight. This Reddit story dives into a tangle of loyalty, trust, and legal battles, where a father’s devotion clashes with a long-hidden lie.

‘AITA For taking my ex-wife yo court despite all the drama it will cause?’

My ex-wife and I have two kids together, now 22 and 26. We divorced when the youngest was about 7. I paid every child support + alimony payment required of me. My ex-wife and I have been on relatively good terms and share almost all the same friends. One friend, Janice, we both knew since college and was basically an aunt to our kids.

She passed away from melanoma skin cancer, her health deteriorated rapidly. Before her death she asked me to come visit her. She confessed that my ex-wife (her best friend) had confided in her that my oldest child was not mine. She Bawled her eyes out asking for forgiveness for not telling me sooner.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t angry she kept it from me, but better late than never, and I just wanted to give her whatever comfort I could. Anyway, since then I’ve taken my ex-wife to court for paternity fraud. I basically just went to a lawyer, explained the situation, and asked him to do whatever he could.

I’ve already had an official paternity test done and verified he’s not my biological son. I still love my kids unconditionally, and I’d take a bullet for either of them without hesitation. This is not about them, it’s about my ex-wife knowingly defrauding me out of thousands of dollars. I don’t think I can let that slide.. So AITA?

This paternity fraud case unearths a raw wound of trust shattered by deception. The father’s decision to sue his ex-wife stems from her knowing concealment of their oldest child’s paternity, costing him thousands in support payments. His unwavering love for his kids shows this isn’t about them but about holding his ex accountable for a decades-long lie. Her betrayal, confessed by a dying friend, justifies his pursuit of justice, though it risks stirring family drama.

Paternity fraud is a complex issue, often stirring emotional and legal turmoil. A 2019 study in the Journal of Family Law found that up to 10% of men in some regions unknowingly raise non-biological children, with many facing legal barriers to reclaiming support due to time limits on contesting paternity. In many U.S. states, for instance, paternity challenges are restricted to 1-2 years post-birth, meaning his legal odds may be slim.

Dr. Harriet Lerner, a relationship expert, notes, “Betrayal in intimate relationships cuts deepest when it’s concealed; confronting it, even legally, is a valid step toward reclaiming agency”. The father’s lawsuit reflects this, but he must brace for fallout with his kids, especially the oldest, who may feel caught in the crossfire. Clear communication with them about his love and motives is crucial.

To navigate this, he could meet his oldest child privately, reaffirming his unconditional bond while explaining the lawsuit targets his ex’s deceit, not their relationship. Legal counsel can clarify his options, given statutory limits, and counseling may help process the emotional toll. Addressing the betrayal head-on, while protecting his kids’ feelings, balances justice with family ties.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s take leans heavily toward supporting the father. Most users see his ex-wife’s deception as a clear betrayal, justifying his legal action to reclaim funds extracted under false pretenses. They emphasize that her deliberate silence about the oldest child’s paternity makes her the primary wrongdoer, with some urging criminal prosecution if feasible. The consensus holds that his love for his kids proves his motives are about accountability, not rejection.

Some caution about the emotional impact on his oldest child, noting the lawsuit could strain their bond if not handled sensitively. A few question the legal viability, citing time limits on paternity disputes, but still back his moral stance. The community agrees: the ex-wife’s lie created this mess, and his pursuit of justice is fair, though it demands careful communication with his kids.

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foulorfowl − NTA. Stick it to her

[Reddit User] − NTA, but this is going to create a predicament for your kids, especially the oldest. I'm not sure how your son will feel knowing you want a refund for the financial support you've given for him over the years. I might even say ESH if you dropped this on him so you could get a paternity test, but her more than you.

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CatT-ShirtGuy − I cant sit here and give you a judgement because. 1. You found out that a kid you raised as your own was the result of an affair.. 2. You paid to your ex-wife money for said child while she kept it hidden.. 3. You said youd take a bullet for your kids.

You my not be the dad. But you are the Dad. I get it. She swindled you out of years of money. It sucks. And i cant say cause this outcome i do not know the blowback. But op. Make sure you make the right choice.. Good luck op. Sorry to hear

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gamemusicfanatic − NTA Not at all. Your kids are already grown adults too, not small kids who get confused about everything that happens between adults. While the kid in question will definitely not like this, he/she is not a teenager.

Kid is old enough to see you have been majorly slighted here and will propably feel sympathy for you and unlike an angsty confused teen won't hate you for this.. ​ So yeah, your kids are no longer little kids, they no longer need to be coddled. If your kid will feel harmed by this, it's not because of you. It's because of her mother. She is the perp, she create the situation, the blame and consequences lie with her.

[Reddit User] − NTA, your ex wife knew. There are so many ways for paternity to inadvertently come out, your kid may find out anyway.

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Reddoraptor − NTA, your wife first cheated on you and then stole a huge amount of money from you. This is beyond the pale. Tell your oldest you love him totally and unconditionally and this doesn’t reflect on him at all and go get what you can back from her, and if you can, have her criminally prosecuted.

Letsgo_321 − NTA. I think it’s imperative that you sit the oldest down and explain what’s happened before serving the ex with paperwork. So he understands that you as his loving father won’t change.

JonOrSomeSayAegon − ESH: Your exwife is 100% an a**hole for cheating on you and hiding it for over two decades. Your actions will absolutely damage your relationship with your child. Whatever you decide to do, I hope the best for you and your kids OP.

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peachykeen5552 − I mean NTA I guess but this is clearly a fake post because this is not how paternity works legally, assuming you're in the US. You have a set amount of time to contest paternity if you're on the birth certificate, usually 1-2 years, and then you're on the hook, regardless of genetics.

This is not the place to debate whether or not this should be the law, but it is the law, so you can't just get money back if you find out 20 years later that the kid isn't genetically yours. That's just not how it works at all.

freckleface2113 − ESH. Your ex wife shouldn't have cheated on you and lied about the paternity. But your oldest kid is gonna feel like s**t that you've done that. If he's your child that you love unconditionally then it shouldn't matter.

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This Reddit saga lays bare the pain of a decades-old lie unraveling a father’s trust. His lawsuit against his ex-wife seeks accountability for her deception, not a rejection of his kids, whom he loves fiercely. Navigating the fallout will take delicate talks to preserve family bonds. Have you ever faced a hidden truth that shook your world? Share your thoughts below—how would you balance justice and family in this messy situation?

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