AITA for telling my son that he ruined Christmas for me and his stepdad when he decided to spend it with his dad?

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A breakfast chat about Christmas plans took a sharp turn when a 16-year-old announced he’d rather spend the holiday with his dad in a cozy rental cottage than face another “s**tty” celebration with his mom and stepfamily. Stung by his choice and last year’s complaints about her in-laws’ lack of accommodation, the mom snapped, telling him he’d ruined Christmas for her and her husband. Now, with her son silent and her ex laughing off her threats, this Reddit story has everyone debating co-parenting and emotional boundaries.

It’s a gut-punch tale for anyone navigating blended families and holiday splits. Was the mom wrong for her outburst, or is her son’s choice a slap in the face? Readers are drawn into the tangle of hurt feelings, teen autonomy, and the weight of holiday expectations.

‘AITA for telling my son that he ruined Christmas for me and his stepdad when he decided to spend it with his dad?’

Me (F.) and My ex husband (M.) are divorced. We have a 16 yo son together 'Mason'. I got remarried to my husband (M.) Nathan. My ex husband and I used to argue on who should get Mason for the holidays back when he was little. As he got older we started letting him decide.

Last year he spend Christmas with me, Nathan and my inlaws and he complained that the experience was 'terrible' because he said Nathan and his family had little to no accomodation for his food choices (I'm not defending them but my inlaws are quite traditional when it comes to food and a bit ignorant to what types of foods Mason eats).

He also said he didn't feel as welcom as the other kids in the family and that Nathan forced him to share his personal stuff like his phone so that his stepnephews could watch christmas movies. Yesterday, during breakfast we were talking about christmas and what we were planning this year

but hem out of nowhere announced that he'll be spending this Christmas with his dad at a rental christmas cottage in his favorite town. I was stunned, so was Nathan. I asked Mason when and how he agreed to this arrangement but he pointed back to what happened last christmas

and said he didn't want to basically 'have another s**tty holiday and be miserable' I told him that his dad should've come to me first but he argued that he's already okayed it and so he saw no need for my opinion. We started arguing and he started complaining about me trying to ruin the experience

but in response I told him that he has already ruined christmas for me and his stepdad the minhte he agreed to this arrangement. He got up and walked away after saying that I was being 'overdramatic'. Nathan just sat there and looked down. I had a huge argument on the phone with Mason's dad and he kept giving me an attitude and laughjng and saying that I sounded pathetic.

When I told him I'd have my lawyer call him, he bbackpaddeled and said he woukdn't have done this if Mason didn't like it. He urged me to drop it and let Mason have this experience or he'll resent me for missing it. Now Mason isn't speaking to me.

Nathan is trying to convince him to stay with us because without him, our christmas is ruined but he won't budge from the looks of it. AITA for not dropping it as well? What I meant by 'why didn't his dad come to me first' is that he planned to take Mason out of town which is a big deal to me. There's going to be traveling.

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Telling a 16-year-old he “ruined Christmas” for choosing his dad’s holiday plans isn’t just a slip—it’s a guilt trip that backfired. The mom’s hurt stems from her son’s rejection after a tough co-parenting history, but her emotional outburst ignored his valid reasons: last year’s Christmas felt unwelcoming, with ignored food preferences and forced sharing. Her ex’s dismissive attitude and her husband’s push to change the son’s mind only deepened the rift.

Teen autonomy in divorced families is key. A 2023 study in the Journal of Divorce & Remarriage found that 85% of teens value having a say in holiday plans, and forcing compliance breeds resentment. The mom’s claim that her ex needed her approval for travel may hold legal weight, but emotionally, it dismisses her son’s agency.

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Family therapist Dr. Lisa Damour notes, “Teens need parents to model resilience, not dependence, during conflicts.” The mom could have validated her son’s feelings and promised a better Christmas, while discussing travel safety calmly with her ex. Solutions include apologizing for the guilt trip and planning a post-holiday family activity.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s takes are as frosty as a Christmas snowstorm—let’s dive in!

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horrorwhore222 - YTA. So your son can decide who he wants to spend holidays with, as long as he chooses you? Get over yourself. Start thinking of your son. You did nothing to make his holiday a good one last year.

You let him be miserable and just defended your in-laws. Instead of supporting your son's choice, you throw a tantrum and threaten your ex. Some parent you're being. You're acting more like a kid than your own kid.

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ElendorEcco - Yeah, in my opinion, YTA. He spent last Christmas with you guys, I think it's only fair for him to want to spend this Christmas with his dad.. Totally unfair for you to say that he ruined Christmas, he's a kid still. Did you think he'd spend every holiday with you guys when he also has a dad he'd like to spend the holidays with?

Wolfenbro - YTA. Maybe if Mason had enjoyed his Christmas, and was treated fairly, he’d want to be around you for Christmas? He also chose to spend it with you last year, why can’t he switch off this year if you “let him choose”?

I get the impression that the only reason you give him an option is so that you get to lord it over your ex when you get picked, but now that it’s gone the other way you’re throwing a tantrum. And you’re going to ruin your kid’s holiday (and your relationship with him) if you keep pushing this.

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crockofpot - You are so obviously the AH that I have a hard time believing this is real, but I'll answer you anyway. Nathan and his family had little to no accomodation for his food choices (I'm not defending them but my inlaws are quite traditional when it comes to food and a bit ignorant to what types of foods Mason eats).

He also said he didn't feel as welcom as the other kids in the family and that Nathan forced him to share his personal stuff like his phone so that his stepnephews could watch christmas movies. So you didn't lift a finger when your son's Christmas was getting ruined last year, but you have the nerve to try to emotionally blackmail and guilt trip him about 'ruining' yours?

**You failed** to look out for your son last year, so the natural consequence of your failure is that your son has realized he needs to look out for himself. Instead of lashing out at everyone else, why don't you take a good hard look at yourself and understand what YOU did to drive him away.. Do better. YTA.

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Tigarana - YTA. As he got older we started letting him decide.. End of story, he decided. Also, it's clear he is not really cared for that much at your in-laws.. his family had little to no accomodation for his food choices. And.

Nathan forced him to share his personal stuff like his phone so that his stepnephews could watch christmas movies. Did you ever stick up for your son in this scenario? Off course YTA, and off course your son wants to celebrate Christmas somewhere else. As is his right to do so.

palatablypeachy - YTA. It sounds like you and your ex established that your son gets to decide - so when he decides he doesn't want to spend Christmas with you, you pull out an emotional manipulation tactic?

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I think it would be fair for your son to spend Christmas with his dad just based on the fact alone that he spent it with you last year. But all of that aside, it's a really unfair expectation to put on a child that if they don't do what you want your holiday is ruined. That is not a healthy emotional boundary and will foster resentment.

erikswifey - YTA wtf your kid didn't like Christmas last year, because he was FORCED TO SHARE HIS STUFF, what's the problem??? Don't you have any empathy for him? That being said, he is 16. 16! He can decide where he wants to spend Christmas AS PER YOU AND YOUR EXES AGREEMENT. He did that. And you shame him for it, as well as threaten your ex with a lawyer??? I have no words.

bunchoffuckinslaves - So you can only have a good Christmas if your son is miserable?. YTA.

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mdthomas - Last year he spend Christmas with me, Nathan and my inlaws and he complained that the experience was 'terrible' because he said Nathan and his family had little to no accomodation for his food choices (I'm not defending them but my inlaws are quite traditional when it comes to food and a bit ignorant to what types of foods Mason eats).

He also said he didn't feel as welcom as the other kids in the family and that Nathan forced him to share his personal stuff like his phone so that his stepnephews could watch christmas movies. OK, so what did you tell him you would do differently this year so that the experience would be better?

We started arguing and he started complaining about me trying to ruin the experience but in response I told him that he has already ruined christmas for me and his stepdad the minhte he agreed to this arrangement.. Why does your enjoyment of Christmas hinge on him being there?.

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He got up and walked away after saying that I was being 'overdramatic'.. You're entitled to your feelings, but he isn't wrong. A 16 year old is calling you 'overdramatic'. I had a huge argument on the phone with Mason's dad and he kept giving me an attitude and laughjng

and saying that I sounded pathetic. When I told him I'd have my lawyer call him, he bbackpaddeled and said he wouldn't have done this if Mason didn't like it.. You said Mason can choose where he spends Christmas. What would getting your lawyer involved accomplish?. YTA

Independent-Cat6915 - YTA. You said you guys decided that Mason should get to decide who he wants to spend Christmas with. He did that. And now your upset? Your son’s last Christmas was ruined. Why should he ruin this one so you and your husband’s Christmas isn’t ruined? What odd logic is this?

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From slamming the mom’s manipulation to backing the son’s choice, these comments jingle with opinions. But do they unwrap the core issue, or just tangle the tinsel?

This Christmas clash shows how fast holiday plans can snowball into family drama. The mom’s plea for control clashed with her son’s need for a joyful holiday, leaving hurt on both sides. Was she wrong to guilt-trip him, or is his choice a family betrayal? It’s a reminder that holidays thrive on empathy, not ultimatums. Ever faced a holiday split gone wrong? What would you do in this mom’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!

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