WIBTA for naming my son Brian?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy apartment bathed in the soft glow of morning light, a soon-to-be mother sifts through baby clothes, her heart set on a name that carries a decade of love and loss. She dreams of naming her son Brian, a tribute to her late father, her rock and best friend. But her joy is dimmed by a brewing storm—her boyfriend and his family are pushing back, dismissing her choice as outdated and rallying for a “modern” name or a Jr. title, leaving her torn between love and loyalty.

This clash over a name isn’t just about syllables; it’s a tug-of-war between honoring a cherished memory and navigating family expectations. As Reddit users weigh in, the drama unfolds with raw emotion, raising questions about promises, grief, and the power of a name. Can she hold firm to her father’s legacy, or will family pressure rewrite her story?

‘WIBTA for naming my son Brian?’

My father, who I was extremely close with, passed away nearly 10 years ago. He single-handedly raised me and was literally my best friend until the day he passed. Even though 10 years have passed, I still miss him every day. After a few months of dating my boyfriend (who we will call Kyle) we had our first discussion about kids,

and I told him that a dealbreaker for me was to name my son after my father. I didn't want the middle name, I wanted it to be his first name. Kyle said that was a beautiful sentiment and that he fully supported it. I told him if we ever had kids, he has free rein to name the girl whatever he wanted.

Well, I'm now pregnant with my second child with Kyle. Our first one was a girl, and much to our first discussion, I let him name her whatever he wanted. In his family none of them have middle names, so we decided to stick with that with our girl. However, we just found out I was expecting a boy.

He was super excited, until I started ordering stuff with the baby's name on it. He asked me why I was ordering stuff with the name Brian, and I said it was obviously because that is what we were naming him. We had that conversation over 100 times at this point, so it's not like he just randomly forgot.

He said that he thought I was kidding and that we shouldn't name our son Brian. I said he got to name our daughter and I never once complained about the name, so I don't know what he's going on about now. He said he's always wanted a Kyle Jr or Kyle the second or something like that, and I said that's great but you promised that we could name our son after my father.

Well, he called his family and they are all calling me complaining about the name. They don't care about my dead father's name and they want something that will match my daughter (more modern) or a Jr. They said Brian is a really bad name for kids today and he will be bullied.

I disagree, and even if he was, he is still named after the most special person I've ever met. I have no family left on my side. The last person was my father. No grandparents, no parents, no siblings, cousins, etc. All I have to carry on my family is his name.

I'm willing to budge on the spelling if I HAVE to, but they just want the name completely gone. A middle name is not even a discussion anymore because they don't want to break tradition on their side. I understand it's not a popular name. However I feel like this is something that is so precious to me that I will not budge.. AITA?

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Edit: Just to clear up some things up! My boyfriend's name is not Kyle, it's just the name I gave him for the sake of this post. However, his name does start with K. So I promise, we're not going to name our kid Kyle Jr. lol. Also, I know Brian isn't an outdated name. But to THEM it's outdated. They consider it to be 'an ugly late 90's/early 2000's' name and said that by the time he his in high school he will be getting hell for it.

Naming a child can feel like etching a piece of your heart into their identity, but when families clash, it’s a recipe for tension. This woman’s desire to name her son Brian is a poignant tribute to her father, yet her boyfriend’s sudden backtrack and his family’s interference highlight a deeper issue: respect for emotional boundaries.

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The conflict reveals opposing perspectives. She sees the name as a non-negotiable link to her father, her only family, while her boyfriend and his kin prioritize tradition or trendy names, dismissing her grief. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, “Trust is built in the small moments of honoring agreements”. Her boyfriend’s flip-flop on their naming deal erodes trust, especially when he enlists his family to pressure her.

This situation reflects a broader social issue: how grief shapes family decisions. A 2019 study in Journal of Family Psychology found that 68% of couples face significant stress when naming children, often due to clashing values or external family influence. Here, her boyfriend’s dismissal of her emotional stake risks alienating her.

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Advice: She should calmly reiterate the agreement, emphasizing its emotional weight, and set boundaries with his family’s interference. Couples counseling could help navigate this breach of trust. Compromise, like a modernized spelling (e.g., Bryan), might ease tension, but only if it feels authentic to her.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s hot takes are as fiery as a family reunion gone wrong—candid, passionate, and not holding back! Here’s what the community had to say:

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HotAudience6110 − NTA Your husband’s family shouldn’t have any input on your child’s name unless you ask for it. It’s between you and your husband. Given that he agreed to this during your relationship and you respected his wishes with naming your daughter, he is really out of line.

More so because he then tattled to his family about a disagreement that should stay between the two of you. Name your son after your father exactly the way you wanted to. Your husband is a huge AH.. Also Brian is a perfect name. How does anyone make fun of that?

Kris82868 − NTA. And who the hell bullies kids because they have the name Brian? That's not a thing.

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allthecactifindahome − They said Brian is a really bad name for kids today and he will be bullied.. That's horseshit and they know it. NTA, and it's unfortunate they only revealed themselves as such scabs now.

DoctorDilemmaa − NTA. You and your husband had a deal, that you talked about multiple times. He got to name your daughter if you had a daughter, you got to name your son if you had a son. Also, since when is Brian a name kids would get bullied over? It’s a perfectly fine name(and one of my favorite boy names) and since when does it matter if a name is “old” or not?

Lordica − NTA- This was an agreement you both made. 'We both agreed years ago that we would name our first son after my father. Now, you are going back on your word. This makes me feel as if you don't care about my emotions or your commitment to me. I need you to stick to your promise and be on my side when your family gangs up on me.'. Keep sticking to the script.

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Lacroix24601 − NTA but Kyle is a giant GIANT a-hole.

[Reddit User] − You are NTA. He agreed and then backed out when this is about honoring your father. He isn't taking your feelings or your wants into consideration at all and now you think you are at fault?

Needmoresnakes − NTA he's being a total Kyle right now. I don't see how he can pretend he thought it was a joke when it's all centred around your dead dad, how would that be a joke? I also cannot imagine having an argument with my spouse & they get their family to call me & back them up in the argument?

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I'm trying to even picture my husband trying that. His mum would probably do it & I'd probably make her cry. His dad and stepmum would laugh in his face & tell him to go talk to me like a grown up.

jemmls4 − NTA, but your husband sure is. And his family.

PickleWulf − Woah woah woah, no budging here OP. Kyle knew the deal from the get go, and he's being a massive ass by going back on a deal made at the beginning of the relationship and talked about throughout. It is massively disrespectful of both him and his family to decide your feelings dont matter, especially as you're the one carrying baby Brian.

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He knew from the off, this was a deal-breaker if he couldn't agree to honouring your fathers name, it sounds horrible to threaten something like this, especially as this is the only problem you two have in what I assume is an otherwise happy relationship, but unfortunately you need to remind him this was and always has been, the deal

These opinions are loud and clear, but do they reflect the full picture? Reddit’s all about snap judgments, yet real life often demands more nuance.

This tale of names and promises reminds us how deeply personal choices can spark unexpected battles. Honoring her father’s memory is her way of keeping him alive, but her boyfriend’s resistance and his family’s meddling threaten that legacy. What would you do if a heartfelt promise clashed with family pressure? Share your thoughts—have you ever fought to honor a loved one’s memory in the face of opposition?

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