AITA for telling my son I don’t care that he doesn’t like the food, eat what he ordered or skip dinner?

In a bustling family diner, the clink of cutlery paused as a 12-year-old boy stared glumly at his bowl of fish soup. His father, savoring his chicken, felt the familiar tug of frustration. This wasn’t their first rodeo—his son’s adventurous menu picks often ended in pleas for a swap. Tired of never enjoying his own meal, the dad drew a line in the sand, sparking a heated debate at home.

The boy’s claim of being “starved” and his mother’s sharp words left the dad questioning his stance. Was this a fair lesson in responsibility, or a step too far? Readers can’t help but lean in, picturing the tense table and wondering how they’d handle this parenting pickle.

‘AITA for telling my son I don’t care that he doesn’t like the food, eat what he ordered or skip dinner?’

I need outside opinions on this. My son is 12 and he will order the adventurous stuff on the menu when he knows that he has issues with different textures. We have done this dances many times at this point. He will order something out there, take a single bit and then want my food.

I have had this conversation so many time. This time when he went out to eat I informed him that I will not give him my food. I ordered some chicken, and he got a fish soup. Well he didn’t like it and asked for my chicken. I told him no and he complained he was hungry.

This is when I told him I don’t care that he doesn’t like the food and that he needs to eat what he ordered or skip dinner. When we got home he complained I starved him. ( He literally said this while making a sandwich). This resulted in an argument with my wife. She thinks I am a huge jerk and I am sick of never getting to eat what I order.

Parenting dilemmas like this one can feel like navigating a culinary minefield. The dad’s refusal to share his meal aimed to teach his son about choices, but the resulting family tension highlights deeper dynamics. According to Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist, “Children learn responsibility through natural consequences, but parents must balance firmness with empathy” (Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids).

The dad’s approach was clear: his son, old enough to choose from a menu, should face the outcome of his decision. Yet, the boy’s distress and the wife’s reaction suggest a lack of alignment. The son’s pattern of ordering bold dishes might stem from curiosity or a need for attention, clashing with the dad’s desire for a peaceful meal.

This scenario reflects a broader issue: fostering independence in children. A 2023 study from the American Psychological Association notes that 68% of parents struggle with setting consistent boundaries (APA Study). Dr. Markham’s advice resonates here—parents should guide kids toward better choices while validating their feelings. Perhaps the dad could encourage safe menu picks while allowing small tastes of new dishes as a family activity.

For solutions, open communication is key. The family could set a rule: order a familiar dish but share a new one as a side. This balances exploration with responsibility, ensuring everyone enjoys their meal. Consistency between parents will also prevent mixed messages, helping the son grow without tantrums.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a buffet of opinions with a side of sass. Here are some spicy takes from the community:

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Pencil161 − You and your wife have two choices here:. 1. Teach your son this perfectly age-appropriate lesson that he is responsible for his own choices 2. Let him grow up to be an entitled asshat who believes that other people are responsible for his choices You're not an AH but if your wife keeps choosing #2, your son will grow up to be one. Don't let her do that to him.. ETA: NTA

Lemonhaze412 − NTA - you were very clear before your son ordered about the consequences of picking a more adventurous food that he possibly wouldn’t like. Now he is suffering those consequences. Sounds like a good life lesson to me. He could try some new foods if he is taking a bite of your food, but he needs to order what he is willing to eat.

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bibsap636582 − Just to clarify. You told him that acting a specific way will result in specific consequences and the when he acted in that specific way you followed through on said consequences. NTA. You can either deal with these tantrums now or when he's 20. I think now will be easier.

zoobatron__ − NTA. 12 is old enough to be able to pick off a menu and to know what foods he likes/ dislikes. You’re right not to swap, giving in and letting him have your food all of the time would set a terrible precedent going forward. It’s a harmless lesson, especially given that he’s given the opportunity to eat what he likes at home

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SimilarButNo − NTA, but next time? Let him order first and then order the exact same thing ;)

npcknapsack − INFO: is he ordering the same things that he doesn't like every time, or is it always something pretty different from the last time? Trying out new things isn't bad and probably should be accommodated to some extent (and it'll eventually go away as he discovers what he likes), but if he's intentionally ordering things he knows he doesn't like, there's a different kind of problem and the consequence is definitely the right one.

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[Reddit User] − INFO: what is his goal with this? Does he actually think he'll like it? Does he do it to get attention? Does he do it because he has an innate desire to try new things and have new experiences? I feel like that should really inform your approach here.

You aren't TA for telling him he can't have your food. It's clearly a pattern, it's wasteful, and you're rightfully annoyed. But I'm wondering if he just really wants to expand his palette and find out and try new things...maybe you can make it a family affair.

Pick one occasion a month where you order something new and crazy off of a menu for the entire table to try. Have him order a safe food as his main dish, but have the new dish as an option, too. That way you can all participate, but it isn't as wasteful or annoying. And if he's doing it for attention, that will slowly go away with this approach, too.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Why didn't your wife offer him her meal? And she calls you a 'huge jerk' - what does that make her?. Your son FA, then he FO, and he still got fed in the end. Maybe he'll learn from this.

durma5 − Just wait when he turns 21 and he wants to swap drinks with you because he got a mule or a gin and tonic. I’m speaking from experience here. Definitely NTA. We all have only so many of the same mistakes in us. It was time for your boy to learn.

KronkLaSworda − NTA. Your wife is an enabler. She can give him her food next time.

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These Redditors dish out tough love, but do their votes reflect the full recipe for family harmony?

This dinnertime standoff leaves us hungry for answers. The dad’s lesson aimed to plate up responsibility, but the family’s divide shows there’s more to cook up. Parenting is a messy feast—sometimes you nail the recipe, sometimes you burn the toast. What would you do if your kid pushed for your food after a risky order? Share your thoughts below and let’s stir the pot!

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