AITA for being against my Mom wanting me to sacrifice my privacy for my autistic brother?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A teenage girl’s bedroom, her sanctuary of light and calm, becomes a battleground when her autistic brother’s obsession with darkness invades. At 14, she craves the privacy to study, change, or simply breathe, but her 12-year-old brother’s relentless lock-picking to flip light switches shatters that peace. It’s a household where shadows reign, and her locked doors are her last defense against chaos, like a lighthouse holding firm against a stormy sea.

This isn’t just about a light switch—it’s a tug-of-war between a teen’s need for autonomy and a family’s struggle to balance everyone’s needs. Her mother’s demand to open her room and bathroom to her brother sparks a clash that’s both personal and universal. Reddit dives in with fierce opinions, and we’re here to unpack this delicate dance of boundaries, love, and frustration.

‘AITA for being against my Mom wanting me to sacrifice my privacy for my autistic brother?’

I’m a teenager (14 F) and like most my age I enjoy having privacy in my bedroom and attached bathroom. (this bathroom has a sliding door that connects itself to my room, and a regular door to the outside). My situation is unique because I have a severely autistic younger brother (12 M) who is obsessed with flickering lights,

nd if a light is on he will turn it off instantly and at whatever length it takes to do this. So our house is basically like the power is out 24/7. In my own bedroom, i enjoy having light to do things like my homework or literally just anything. The same goes for my bathroom, when I’m using it.

I’m quite mature, I mean, I clean after myself and do my own laundry. So when my brother obsessively picks my lock to get in my room just to turn off my light, or even when my light is off he will pick my lock to turn it off and on again, I get really frustrated. It happens during anything like me changing my clothes or doing homework.

In the past when he’s had access to my room, he’d do things like mess with my products and rip my money apart. This is why I starting locking my doors. I decided to install a lock with a key for my bedroom and bathroom door. Out of 4 keys, I offered 1 to my mom and 1 to my dad. But my mom is starting to pick a fight with me.

She says my bathroom that I clean myself and store all my products in is not supposed to be mine. Her argument is that I need to open up this bathroom and my bedroom for my siblings. She says I shut myself off from the family which is true, but tbh I do this because I don’t like interacting with my brother (years of trauma due to his autistic behaviors).

She says my brother should be able to come into my room whenever he wants, and that the entire household should be able to use my bathroom. This obviously upset me. I like having one place in the house that’s private to me. And I like having a bathroom that is my own (3 bathrooms in the house, one of these is mine).

Some of you may suggest turning my sliding bathroom door into a privacy door so that the bathroom doesn’t offer direct access into my room, but this isn’t an option for many reasons. (I know this isn’t an advice subreddit but I figured this may be brung up)

So AITA? Am I being the inconsiderate sister who needs to offer access of my room and bathroom to my severely(cant talk, throws severe tantrums and has destructive repetitive behaviors) brother?

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Locking a bedroom door shouldn’t feel like a rebellion, but for this teen, it’s a stand for sanity. Her brother’s autism-driven compulsion to turn off lights, even at the cost of her privacy, puts her in an impossible spot. Her mother’s insistence that she surrender her space dismisses her as collateral damage in a family already stretched thin. It’s like asking her to live in a house with no walls, exposed to constant disruption.

This reflects a broader issue of balancing sibling needs in families with disabilities. A 2022 study from the National Autism Association notes that 80% of siblings of autistic children report feeling overlooked due to parental focus on the autistic child . The teen’s lock-picking brother isn’t the villain—his untreated behaviors and her mother’s enabling are the real culprits.

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Dr. Amy McCart, an autism expert, states, “Boundaries are critical for all children, including those with autism, to learn respect and self-regulation” . Here, the mother’s refusal to teach her son boundaries risks his future independence while robbing her daughter of safety. The teen’s locks are a reasonable shield against past destruction, like torn money and ruined products.

The family could benefit from professional support, like behavioral therapy for the brother to redirect his light-switching fixation. The teen should document incidents and discuss her needs calmly with her parents, perhaps with a counselor’s help. For readers in similar situations, seeking allies like teachers or therapists can reinforce your right to privacy. Standing firm, as this teen does, is a step toward balance, not selfishness.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit rolled in like a squad of protective big siblings, ready to back this teen with a mix of empathy and sass. It’s like a family meeting where everyone’s got her back and a few choice words for mom. Here’s the raw scoop:

By-AnyOther_Name − NTA having an autistic sibling does mean sacrificing certain things however it sounds like your mom if forgetting that your feelings and life matter too. If they let him run around the whole house then he has more than enough space and especially with you being a girl this is important.

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Not to mention it will be good for your brother to learn boundaries. He's getting older and your parents won't be there forever this will the entire world unfortunately will not be so patient with his condition. It sounds like you may want to try to talk with them about this.

AngelIslington − ok this is way too up there for AITA, but I'm going to go with NTA anyway. your brother comes into your room, destroy your stuff and money too, and I wonder that is compensated in any way, and your 14 and you need your privacy.

your room isn't a free for all for anyone. what is your brother accidentally injects something, what if he gets hurt? also ' She says my bathroom that I clean myself and store all my products in is not supposed to be mine'

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it's connected to your room, so that is a moot point, your brother however hard it can be has severe autism, which impacts your life. you've had to grow up witnessing this, and you're being criticised for wanting to shut yourself away. i don't blame you, you need your own headspace because of your brother's actions.

and I know it's difficult, but all they are doing is enabling his behaviour and not respecting your boundaries, even though his actions have caused you trauma OP, i have a feeling, that this isn't going to get better,

so take some advice. the moment you can, get out of there, leave for college, learn to drive, open a saving account or hide your money in a locked box which he can't pick and don't come back

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doublestitch − Highlighting this clarification from one of OP's threaded statements. Literally the kitchen just has the stove light on and that’s how we cook, sad I know. But he gets aggressive if we don’t comply. It’s been especially hard with my completely online school, but thankfully 4 days a week he’s at school for 5 hours a day.

He skips school a lot though. He may be coming back home due to the teachers not being able to handle him.. Two comments here: 1. You need allies: your own teacher, and perhaps your school's guidance counselor. Your brother's behavior is interfering with your studies and if you pursue an academic track this will get much more difficult in the years to come.

You're going to need uninterrupted study time to concentrate on Shakespeare or calculus. 2. Your parents are essentially teaching you that you don't deserve personal boundaries and teaching your brother that the way to get what he wants is to become aggressive.

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These are not good life lessons.*. You shouldn't be tasked with solving those problems at your age, but you're smart to seek independent perspectives. NTA. Please post followup in a few weeks and let us know how things go. Best regards.

RindaC10 − NTA. He's literally tearing your room apart. While disabilities should be accommodated, once you start forgetting that EVERYONE has feelings, that's where your mom messed up. You put up with a lot and you deserve to have a place to call your own.

Stand your ground and tell your mom that she needs to stop ignoring your feelings because you're her child too. I would also suggest start looking into saving money and putting some distance between you and your family. You don't have to cut them off but from personal experience, distance can definitely improve familial relationships.

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ChrisBatty − NTA - get a bolt for your door too to make sure it can’t be opened while your in there with it locked. Don’t back down, don’t give them a inch or they will walk all over you.

raerae6672 − NTA. Your Mom is sacrificing your privacy for your brother's comfort. Her argument is nuts because there are 3 bathrooms and everyone does not need to use yours. If you can try to have a rational conversation as to why you need this space. 'Mom I am growing up. I am a teenage girl and I need my privacy.

Don't you remember what it was like at my age? We are all under a lot of stress constantly making adjustments. I need this space as my own. I need this space to be able to do what I need to do. You and Dad have your space and your bathroom. I need space to decompress. '. Hopefully she will understand.

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RedoubtableSouth − While I do understand it can be extremely difficult to change or curb certain behaviors with autistic people, turning lights on and off with no regard for anyone who might be *using* that light isn't something that can be ignored.

Ignoring your privacy while changing, showering, or other tasks where privacy is expected is also not acceptable. It doesn't really matter if his goal is to simply play with the light switch, that is behavior that **must** be addressed.

As far as locking the bathroom goes... I suppose it depends on how many bathrooms your house has. If there's only two full bathrooms, it's going to be an issue to have one of them locked from use by everyone else.

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However* since it doesn't sound like your brother's issue is being addressed properly, or that your own needs are being taken into consideration, and that you yourself are a teenager and have limited options here, I'm going to side with you.. NTA.

Accomplished_Area311 − As an autistic person, NTA, they need to get support for your brother and quit spoiling him.

Jaeger010 − NTA. I keep seeing posts like this and it comes off like the parents of autistic children seem to feel like autism is an excuse to just let your kid run wild and never discipline them, or not enforce boundaries.

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Autistic kids might have more difficulties than kids who are not neurodivergent, and need more patience, but that doesn't mean they can just be allowed to do things that are inappropriate. The fact is, you are a girl and your brother is a boy.

And you are at the age of puberty, which means it is no longer appropriate for your brother(s) or male members of your family to be coming into your room without knocking first. At your age, privacy from male family members is important.

The idea that your brother should just be given a free pass to barge in on you when you're changing is highly inappropriate, and his being severely autistic is not an excuse for this. He needs to be taught boundaries with girls, just like girls should be taught boundaries with boys.

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Him being autistic doesn't change the fact that he's still expected to abide by certain social norms and rules. I get it, it's hard to raise a severely autistic child, but he still needs discipline and boundaries. He needs to learn that it isn't ok to go barging into other people's space.

And YOU shouldn't have to bend your life around him just to make him happy. Your feelings and your life matter just as much as his do, and his behaviour just isn't appropriate.. That said, this fault falls on your parents. They are the ones who should be teaching him boundaries.

Curtisziraa − NTA. Time to make a report about this to a child welfare group (Children's Aid or CPS). Your brother should never be allowed to pick privacy locks. By allowing it in one place, it is opening up the option to be allowed in other places.

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As an autistic person I struggle, badly, with exceptions. Many, many, many other autistic people do as well. Your parents can damn well teach your brother that locked doors are a permanent exception, because he will not understand that just because he can get away with picking your lock, he shouldn't pick other locks. Like at stores, or public bathrooms, or other people's houses.

Redditors rallied for the teen’s right to her space, slamming the mother’s dismissal of her needs. Some shared tips like bolting doors, others urged her to plan an exit strategy. But do these fiery takes fully grasp the family’s struggle, or are they just cheering from the sidelines?

This teen’s fight for her bedroom isn’t just about a lock—it’s about carving out a space to feel safe in a home ruled by chaos. Her story highlights the tightrope of loving a sibling with special needs while protecting your own boundaries. It’s a heart-tugger that asks where fairness fits in family. What would you do if your personal space was on the line? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep this conversation shining bright.

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