AITA for refusing to bend the rules on seeing my newborn just for one person(sil) even it the only chance she’s has to see him for months?

The nursery glows with soft light, a tiny bundle of joy nestled in a crib, but outside, a family storm brews. A new mom, still navigating the chaos of parenthood, finds herself at odds with her sister-in-law over strict visiting rules. It’s a tale of boundaries pushed too far, family ties tested, and a Reddit community ready to weigh in with spicy takes. What started as a protective plan for a newborn spiraled into accusations of greed and favoritism, leaving everyone wondering: where’s the line between control and care?

The drama unfolds in a cozy home turned battleground, where gift cards and grocery lists dictate who gets to coo over the baby. Readers can’t help but feel the tension—will this couple’s ironclad rules hold, or will family pressure crack their resolve? Let’s dive into the Reddit post that sparked it all.

‘AITA for refusing to bend the rules on seeing my newborn just for one person(sil) even it the only chance she’s has to see him for months?’

So I (34f) gave birth on Christmas Day before my sons birth and to lessen visits. We (my husband 28m) made a list in October and sent it out to everyone. Some rules include. -up to date on ALL vaccines. -if you feel anyway sick don’t visit. - let us know a week before hand so we can arrange a day/time. 

no smokers. no phone calls or visits between 7:30pm-10pm. -you can only stay an hour. -no picking up the baby without consent. -no Adivce. -no perfume/deodorant. - no is no we won’t explain why. - no pictures to be taken or posted on social media. - if you visit the first time you will be expected to give mom (me) a gift card and a gift for baby from out approved list.

 before you ever come no matter how many times you will be give a list of a ether food or groceries to bring with you AND a chore for a list of your choosing. - no more than two visits a week per person. It’s help to keep the visits to minimum and no one can complain about favouritism because everyone is treated equally.

Which brings me onto my current situation my sister in law(20f) studies in a different part of the country and is rarely home asked to visit last week before she had to go back to school, so We set up a date with link to our gift list than sent her the takeout we’d like including the chores she can choose from.

Sent immediately texted back saying she’s broke and can she do extra chores instead, Me and my husband talked about it and came to the decision that if we bent the rules for one person everyone would want the same treatment. We told her no that we were very clear about our rules and maybe next time she could visit.

She begged even said would clean the whole house because it would be June before she’s would be home again and we simply texted no. She didn’t reply. She left this morning and we got multiple texts for my in laws belittling us for using our child as a cash grab, my husband simply replied it was our rules,

and no one deserves special treatment than told his family they were on a time out and blocked them. Since than my family and our friends have told us we were wrong because she is a broke collage student and they would have understood if we looked the other way once. We have tried reaching out to his sister but she won’t reply.

Setting boundaries for a newborn can feel like guarding a precious treasure, but when do rules tip into entitlement? This couple’s rigid demands—gift cards, groceries, chores—have stirred a heated debate. Let’s unpack it.

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The mother’s list starts sensibly: vaccines, no smokers, no sick visitors. Fair enough—who wouldn’t want to shield a newborn? But mandating gifts and chores feels less like protection and more like a toll booth. Dr. Jane Greer, a family therapist, notes in Psychology Today , “Healthy boundaries foster mutual respect, not control.” Here, the couple’s rules seem to prioritize their gain over family connection, alienating the sister-in-law, a broke student desperate to meet her nephew.

The sister-in-law’s plea highlights a broader issue: financial inequity in family expectations. A 2023 study from the Pew Research Center shows 27% of young adults struggle with basic expenses . Expecting her to fund a visit ignores her reality, creating resentment. The couple’s refusal to bend, citing fairness, misses the mark—empathy could’ve preserved the relationship.

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Dr. Greer advises, “Flexibility in boundaries shows care without compromising values.” The couple could’ve waived the gift rule, perhaps asking for a small gesture like a handwritten note. Instead, their stance risks long-term family rifts. For new parents, balancing control with compassion is key—rules should protect, not punish.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a buffet of shade and sarcasm. From calling the couple “feudal lords” to joking about the baby’s “admission fee,” the comments are a wild ride. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

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ToPiggyback − YTA. Your rules went from 0 to 60. Like smoking and vaccines, yeah. But gift cards and chores? The entitlement is strong with this one.

[Reddit User] − YTA. That 'list' of yours is *ridiculous*. Anyone who wants to see the baby must bow at your feet, bring tribute, and go to work for you? Wtf?

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sheramom4 − YTA. And yes, you are using your child as a cash grab. NO ONE is obligated to buy you gifts or takeout. Or groceries. It seems like your friends and family are realizing that you don't want them to actually bond with the baby or visit because they are family. You just want things. Oh and your house cleaned.

scubadancintouchdown − YTA what kind of greedy people are you guys? I thought you were going to say that you weren’t making exceptions on visits before the baby is healthy enough or something. You’re charging people to see your baby? That’s so weird.

angel2hi − YTA. What special tricks does your baby perform to warrant an admission fee? This is literally a cash grab and you should be ashamed of yourselves.

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Fit-Distribution-252 − Yta. You just ruined your relationship. Your list was reasonable until these. if you visit the first time you will be expected to give mom (me) a gift card and a gift for baby from out approved list - before you ever come no matter how many times you will be give a list,

of a ether food or groceries to bring with you AND a chore for a list of your choosing. That is a cash grab and you both know it. I would avoid you until the baby was an adult at this point. Paying to see a baby is not a good relationship.

[Reddit User] − OMG the mandatory gifts and chores! Lmfao

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DDecimal − if you visit the first time you will be expected to give mom (me) a gift card and a gift for baby from out approved list. before you ever come no matter how many times you will be give a list of a ether food or groceries to bring with you AND a chore for a list of your choosing.

YTA and using your baby as an excuse to behave like the Lord & Lady of some feudal manor. Don't be surprised if your family increasingly ditches your ~~demanded~~ demanding asses behind.. LMAO the presumption.

TheUnkind1 − This must be your first child and I feel for this kid already. You sound tiring to be around.. YTA.

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lapsteelguitar − You first 5 rules are a bit stringent, but not unreasonable. Some word smithing would make them more palatable. Your last 3 rules are way over the top, and out of line. I **HAVE** to bring a gift? I **HAVE** to bring groceries, and do a chore? I can NOT visit more than 2 times per week?

I wouldn't visit, but that's me. But then, you are so set on your rules that you can not relax them for your SIL, who is having money troubles? Those last 3 rules, all they are doing is pissing off people who might otherwise help you. You owe them an apology.. You ARE the a**hole.

These Redditors tore into the couple’s “cash grab,” but do their fiery takes miss the new parents’ perspective?

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This newborn saga shows how good intentions can morph into family feuds. The couple’s rules, meant to protect, ended up isolating them, while the sister-in-law’s plea fell on deaf ears. It’s a messy clash of boundaries and empathy, with no easy answers. What would you do if you were caught in this family standoff? Share your thoughts—have you faced similar dilemmas?

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