AITA for not telling my husband I was in labor?

A warm afternoon carried the weight of anticipation for a woman on the cusp of motherhood, her home a quiet sanctuary prepped for a home birth. As labor’s first signs stirred, she longed for her husband’s support, but he was across town, tethered to his mother’s latest health crisis—a pattern that had already frayed their bond. Alone, she braced for the journey ahead, her heart heavy with both excitement and abandonment.

Her Reddit post captures this raw moment, spilling over with the sting of being overlooked. The nursery’s soft glow contrasted with her growing frustration as unanswered texts piled up, painting a scene of a marriage stretched thin by competing loyalties. Her story resonates, pulling readers into a whirlwind of empathy and debate over family, duty, and the choices that define us.

‘AITA for not telling my husband I was in labor?’

My MIL is currently going through a health scare and is being tested for cancer. She won't have her results for a week or so. But since the mention of cancer, my MIL has been clinging to my husband fiercely. She has been asking him to go over there every day for the past 3 weeks just to hang out with her because she 'might not have much time left'.

She's been having him drive her to every doctor's appointment. She's even jumped the gun and quit her job to sit at home and work on her health, which is fine, but what's not fine is her already asking my husband if she can 'borrow' money. Thankfully he hasn't given her anything (I would know, as I work our finances).

Anyways, there have been multiple times in the past 3 weeks that my husband has run late for special events, work, etc because he's over helping his mother. And as much as I hate to admit it, it has been the cause of 3 pretty significant fights recently.

His argument is that he wants to spend time with his mother because life is short and where she may have cancer, he's not doing so well mentally. And I get that. But he's severely impacting me by doing so. Like I missed an important ultrasound because mommy dearest needed him because she was having a panic attack.

He did try rushing home and he got me to my appointment, but I was 15 minutes late and therefore they needed to reschedule. Well, yesterday around 10am I told my husband I felt like I was going to go in to labor soon. My body felt different and there was a lot more pressure.

But roughly 2 hours later his mother calls and says that she is (tmi) shitting blood and needs to be rushed to the emergency room. Instead of calling an ambulance she called my husband (she has Medicaid so ambulance rides aren't something she has to pay for). He immediately rushed to her side.

My water breaks at 1:36pm. I remain calm. I was already having a home birth. My midwife was on her way. I knew everything would be okay. But I did call my husband. No answer. I then text my husband and I asked him where he was. No response. I text again and ask him how long he will be, no response.

I text a 3rd and final time, saying 'I kind of need you f**king home', no response. I have the baby without him. I did not tell him anything about me being in labor. I have our daughter at 3:13pm. I text my husband a picture of our daughter, with no context.

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He is home within a half hour is pissed at me for not sending him a text specifically stating that my water had broken and I find out that he had been sitting in his truck in the parking lot, waiting for his mother outside (so he had his phone and got my texts but he was 'stressing' and 'figured it was yet another false alarm' - I had 3 false alarms).

He says I'm in the wrong. I'm choosing to ignore his anger, as I have bigger things to worry about (my perfect daughter) but now that I've had her, I do feel a bit of guilt. AITA? (His mom is fine. It was a bleeding hemorrhoid, which she has a history of apparently from what my husband just told me so she was likely fully aware that it was her hemorrhoid again)

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Childbirth is a defining moment, yet for this Reddit user, it became a solitary triumph marred by her husband’s absence. Caught between his wife’s imminent delivery and his mother’s health concerns, the husband’s choice to ignore urgent texts reveals a deeper issue of misplaced priorities.

His assumption of a “false alarm” dismissed his wife’s reality, leaving her to navigate labor alone—a decision that speaks volumes about their strained communication. Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, emphasizes, “Partners in healthy relationships turn toward each other’s needs, especially during critical moments like childbirth”.

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The mother-in-law’s pattern of demanding attention, especially with a history of non-serious issues like hemorrhoids, hints at possible manipulation. This dynamic reflects a broader social issue: navigating boundaries with extended family during pivotal life events. Over-involvement from in-laws can strain marriages, with studies showing 20% of divorces cite family interference as a factor .

To mend this rift, the couple needs open dialogue to set clear boundaries. The wife could initiate a calm discussion about prioritizing their new family unit, perhaps suggesting therapy to rebuild trust, as Gottman advocates. Limiting non-emergency interruptions from the mother-in-law could prevent future neglect.

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Check out how the community responded:

Reddit users united in support of the wife, their comments laced with outrage and empathy. They criticized the husband’s neglect, highlighting his choice to prioritize his mother’s non-emergency over his wife’s labor as a profound failure. His silence, despite her urgent texts, was seen as indefensible.

The community firmly backed the wife’s focus on her daughter’s birth, viewing it as a justified response to abandonment. Some suggested his actions reveal deeper priorities, urging her to reassess the relationship. These sharp opinions underscore the collective dismay at her isolation during such a pivotal moment.

DeviousWhippet - He KNEW you were due, you sent him get your arse home texts and he thought Meh, false alarm. He is a wanker NTA

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VegetableBusiness897 - Just tell him life is short, and he has to decide if he wants to miss any more milestones in your daughters life. It's up to him. You're not going to wait on him to pencil you and the baby into a little slot in his very busy schedule.

Tbh, he knew his mom wasn't dying at that moment, and he did know there was a possibility of you being in labor, where you could have legit *died* leaving your newborn home with just your midwife.. I'd be out, sorry. Updateme

Complete-Design5395 - NTA - He ignored your calls and texts, what more does he want? A f**king bat signal? . Your husband f**ked up. Good riddance. 

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TarzanKitty - NTA You were obviously very late in pregnancy. Only the shittiest of husbands would be ignoring your calls and texts at that time. Tell him that if he says one more word about it. He can go ahead and move in with mommy.

Briiiiiiyonce - NTA. He chose his mother every time over his pregnant wife. He has no reason to be mad since he drops you off like a hot potato every time his mother’s throat is a little dry.

Economy_Rutabaga9450 - 'Ikind of need you f**king home' is a pretty clear message that he should have called you.. NTA

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DivineGreekGoddess - NTA,. You told him you were feeling different.. You texted him 3 times, all of which he CHOSE to ignore. Even if he thought they could have been a false alarm, he SHOULD have checked in with you…He CHOSE not to.

Should one of your text had specifically stated you were in labor, yes, but the bigger issue here is that he has been lagging off when it comes to you and the pregnancy to the point that you missed an appointment.

I get that his mother is ill and he wants to spend quality time with her and support her; however it is coming at the expense of neglecting his marital and fatherly responsibility. He needs to find a balance otherwise you guys are just married housemates.

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You will be feeling like a single mother and he will be missing these important milestones and developing a bond with his daughter and wonder why she does not seek him out for comfort or other needs.. He says that you were in the wrong, yet this man has not taken any accountability for his behavior

DeviousWhippet - So he knows you're due but thought it was a false alarm but ran to mumsy when she needed help. Replace him with the placenta, it's far more useful

Complex_Storm1929 - NTA. I get it that his mother “might” be sick but his wife is 9 months pregnant. He showed you who is more important to him. His mommy. Not his wife and future child. Believe him.

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Lots of people have cancer and it is a terrible disease but they don’t need constant help like this from their son. Let’s also not forget she hasn’t even been diagnosed yet.. You need to seriously consider your future with this man (if you can even call him that).

TheYankcunian - NTA - This sounds like a million and one stories on r/JustnoMIL Once the significant other gets pregnant, Mommy Dearest pulls out all the stops at competing for husband’s time. Even as far as faking cancer is pretty routine to be honest.

He’s the one who chose to ignore your texts. He’s the one that made Mommy more important. He can go live in Mommy’s weird throuple she’s trying to have. Sounds like you won’t ever win.

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This story of a lone childbirth tugs at the heart, revealing the raw pain of being sidelined by a partner’s divided loyalties. The wife’s resilience shines through, but her husband’s absence leaves a lingering question of trust. His mother’s health scare, though concerning, pales against the birth of their child. Share your stories of balancing family demands—how do you navigate love, duty, and new beginnings?

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