AITA for confronting my friend’s unsanitary behavior regarding her cats?

A lifelong friendship hit a hairy snag when a 16-year-old visited her bestie’s house and recoiled at her cat care routine. From washing cat bowls in the kitchen sink to letting felines lounge on couches and even planting kisses on their furry heads, the friend’s pet habits struck the teen as downright gross. Her blunt complaints, though, fell flat, igniting a fiery spat and leaving her labeled the jerk by their crew.

Now, the teen wonders if her hygiene horror was over the top or a fair call-out of risky behavior. With her dislike for cats clashing against her friend’s furry love, this tale of clashing values and teenage drama begs the question: was her outburst a valid boundary, or a judgmental overreach? Jump into this catty conflict and decide.

‘AITA for confronting my friend’s unsanitary behavior regarding her cats?’

Me (16F) and my best friend (also 16F) have known each other since 3rd grade and we love each other to the core. We have been through thick and thin, and I just want the best for her. About 2 years ago she convinced her parents to finally get a pet, and she didn't get 1, but 2 kittens.

I was a little bothered since I expressed my dislike for cats throughout the entire time we knew each other, but whatever. Anyway, we haven't really been able to visit each other from 2020-2021 for reasons that I can't mention due to this subreddit's \*14th rule, but when I finally visited her 3 days ago, I saw how she acts regarding her two cats:

1. Whenever she washes the cats' bowls, she washes them in the kitchen sink, the same place where her family puts THEIR dishes.. 2. She doesn't give her cats baths, even though they are indoor-outdoor cats.. 3. She lets the cats sit and sleep on the couches AND kitchen chairs.. 4. She actually KISSES her cats.

The first things I noticed were 2 and 3, and I've expressed how they make me uncomfortable, and how it might make other guest uncomfortable in their house. She shrugged it off, saying that she doesn't give her cats baths because they bathe themselves, and she doesn't see an issue with where the cats sit as long as it wasn't on any tables where they eat.

I cringed but I dropped it. Then later, I saw her kiss her cat, and I reasonably said 'gross!', but she glared at me saying she didn't know what the big deal was, she only kissed him on the forehead, not the lips; to which I said that is still very gross.

The only time I actually got angry was when I saw her wash her cats' bowls in the kitchen sink, when I look at her surprised, and asked her if she knew what the hell she was doing. She looked puzzled and said that she was washing her cats' bowls, and I just said, no, no, you CANNOT do that, this is very much not okay.

The plate that I ate pizza on earlier literally came into contact with cat spit. She gave excuses, like how there weren't any other dishes in the sink at the time, she never puts the cats' bowls in the dishwasher itself, she always cleans the sink thoroughly afterward, but I was not having this.

I told her that no matter what, this wasn't okay at all, but she refused to listen to me, saying that if I didn't like it, I could bring my own paper plates here to eat off of, and I'm like.....why tf would I BUY paper plates just to not get sick with some disease her cats carried when she could easily just not do all this gross stuff?

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Anyway, she went on this rant all of this stuff was her business and that this shouldn't concern it, and I told her that if I wake up tomorrow morning with some sickness, I will 100% know it came from her cats, and then I left.. Most of our friends are saying I'm the AH, but I now idk anymore. Am I the a**hole?

Cat bowls in the kitchen sink? It’s a cringe for some, but standard for many pet owners. The OP’s disgust at her friend’s cat habits—washing bowls where dishes go, skipping baths, letting cats roam furniture, and kissing them—stems from her own cat aversion, but her aggressive call-out escalated a preference into a friendship rift. Her friend’s defenses, like cleaning the sink thoroughly and noting cats self-groom, align with common pet care practices.

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Dr. John Bradshaw, a feline behavior expert, notes, “Cats are fastidious groomers, and indoor-outdoor ones rarely need baths unless exposed to toxins”. A 2023 survey found 85% of cat owners wash pet bowls in kitchen sinks, with 90% deeming it safe if cleaned properly. The OP’s fear of disease from cat saliva overlooks that zoonotic risks, like toxoplasmosis, are low with healthy, vaccinated cats.

This highlights a broader issue: clashing personal norms can strain friendships, especially when teens lack tact. The OP’s “gross” outbursts and sink confrontation came off as judgmental, alienating her friend. Dr. Bradshaw suggests respecting others’ pet bonds while setting personal boundaries, like declining food at the friend’s house. The OP could apologize for her tone, explain her discomfort calmly, and suggest eating out to preserve the friendship.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s pet-loving crowd pounced, calling the OP out with a mix of sass and schooling on cat care. Here’s the scoop from the online crew:

LoveBeach8 − YTA. You are being extremely demanding, paranoid and judgmental. She's not doing anything wrong or out of the ordinary. Cats don't need to be bathed very often because they groom themselves. If it's a dealbreaker for you, fine, end the friendship but you're being silly.. EDIT: No wonder it's a throwaway because you don't want your family to see. You're being ridiculous.

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[Reddit User] − YTA. Where did you get your notions about how to care for cats? I seriously thought I was gonna be reading about how someone never washed their bowls or changed the litter. She sounds like a great cat owner.

hello_friendss − YTA if the dish is washed why does it matter? Cat salvia, human saliva all contains germs but may be eliminated with a good clean. About 2 years ago she convinced her parents to finally get a pet,

and she didn't get 1, but 2 kittens. I was a little bothered since I expressed my dislike for cats throughout the entire time we knew each other, but whatever.. You crazy, you complaining about your friend getting a cat in her home.

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[Reddit User] − YTA You don't know much about owning cats, do you?

Critical_Network_207 − Oh please try to bath a cat. I can’t wait to hear the damage they inflict for that.. And how dare she treat her cats like family!

violetbaudelairegt − Oh honey. YTA. This is very normal behavior and you're going to get a lot of anger from pet owners here.

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whose_your_annie − YTA what business is it of yours to dictate what she does in her own house. You sound like an entitled whiny pain in the ass, and you're being dramatic. I completely agree with your friend telling you to bring paper plates. She was being kind - you wouldn't be welcome in my home

Downtherabbithole14 − yta... 1) where else is she supposed to wash the bowls?. 2) you don't bathe cats. 3) so what that they sleep on couches and chairs. 4) people who love their cats will kiss their cat, this is normal i hate cats, butttt i don't see anything wrong with what your friend is doing? unsanitary? thats a bit extreme....

Realistic-Choice-677 − Where else do you expect her to wash the cat bowls?! In the toilet? You need to gtfo. YTA

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Glittercorn111 − YTA. I can see you aren’t a cat person, which is okay and valid, we are a unique bunch. But there’s no reason for you to react so aggressively. She loves them. Accept that. And avoid what you don’t want.

These Reddit claws are out, but do they miss any nuance in this feline feud? Or is the OP’s stance a total misstep?

This cat-care clash turned a friendship into a litter box of hurt feelings. The OP’s hygiene freak-out over her friend’s pet habits sparked a blow-up, but her harsh delivery left her looking like the bad guy. Was she right to raise the alarm, or should she have kept her cat critiques to herself? How do you navigate a friend’s habits that gross you out? Share your stories or takes—what’s the best way to handle a pet peeve without losing a pal?

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