AITA for buying my kids pets without the approval of my ex?

A sunny afternoon, two excited boys clutching their new pets, and a fuming text from an ex-wife—sounds like a recipe for family drama, right? In this Reddit tale, a divorced dad thought he’d spark joy by surprising his sons with pets, only to stir up a co-parenting storm. The decision, made with his new wife, left his ex feeling sidelined and burdened, raising questions about communication and boundaries in blended families.

The saga unfolds in a close-knit neighborhood where houses are just a short walk apart, but emotional distances can feel like miles. With kids shuttling between homes, the addition of furry friends was meant to teach responsibility and bring smiles. Instead, it ignited a clash of parenting styles, leaving readers wondering: who’s really in the wrong here?

‘AITA for buying my kids pets without the approval of my ex?’

I'm divorced (6years) and remarried (2years). I have two sons with my ex, 11m and 13m. My wife has one son, 9m. My kids mom lives less than a mile away. It's close enough for the kids to walk over, but far enough to be separate space. My boys move back and forth between their moms and my house usually once a week.

We're flexible especially during the summer because of travel, kid activities, etc. My wife's son lives with us full time. My wife and I have been talking with the kids about getting a pet that they would personally be responsible for at our house. This has been going on since December and we told the kids we would pull the trigger on the pets when all of our summer travel was done.

Since then, the kids have been excited about the prospect of having their own pets. We asked them to research their chosen pet, determine what its needs were and what kind of common health problems that kind of pet could have and how to avoid them. The kids all presented their reports and did an awesome job starting out as responsible pet owners.

My kids started thinking about how they would take care of their pets when they were with their mom. We presented their options as we saw them: Come over from time-to-time, ask for help from someone that's here all the time, bring the pets back and forth. They decided they would like it best if they could bring their pets back and forth between the houses.

We said that it would be ok with us, but they had to talk to their mom about it. I let them know that it was their responsibility to initiate that conversation. Two weeks ago I reach out to my ex to see what her answer is regarding the pets moving back and forth. She lets me know the kids approached that conversation saying 'Dad says we can bring the pets back and forth',

I apologize and let her know that wasn't my intent. I clarify that we're fine with any of their three options for caring for these pets. She replies 'in concept, I don't disagree with it.', and also late in the conversation 'it's totally unfair to expect her to secondarily be responsible for these pets.' I'm confused, but leave that conversation feeling certain that she doesn't want to participate,

so I decide that I will take care of the pets while the boys are away. Yesterday we bought the youngest two their pets. They are ecstatic, and it's adorable how they're caring for them.  I get an angry message from my ex stating that the 'purchase of their pets is an imposition on them regardless of whether they go to their house or not.'

and a bit of patronization 'I understand that you and (wife) are excited about having an autonomous family unit of your own, but you continually make decisions together in a vacuum that impact the wider scope of immediate family, and it's really not ok.'. Am I the a**hole for pulling the trigger on these pets without her approval?

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Co-parenting can feel like juggling flaming torches while riding a unicycle—one misstep, and things get messy. This dad’s pet decision, though well-intentioned, highlights a common co-parenting pitfall: assuming instead of communicating. The tension here stems from a lack of clear dialogue between parents, leaving the ex-wife feeling like an afterthought in a major parenting choice.

Dr. Joshua Coleman, a psychologist specializing in family dynamics, notes, “Co-parenting requires mutual respect and consultation, especially on decisions that affect both households” . Here, the dad’s unilateral move, even with good intentions, put his ex in a tough spot—either say no and seem like the “bad guy” or take on unwanted pet duties. The kids’ desire to shuttle pets between homes further complicates custody dynamics, potentially disrupting time with their mom.

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This situation reflects a broader issue: blended families often struggle with boundaries. A 2023 study from the American Psychological Association found that 60% of co-parents report conflicts over differing household rules . The dad’s assumption that he could handle pet care solo overlooks the emotional ripple effects on his ex and kids.

To navigate this, both parents should establish a clear co-parenting agreement, perhaps with a mediator, to address future decisions. For now, the dad could apologize, commit to keeping pets at his house, and involve his ex in setting ground rules. This approach respects her space while keeping the kids’ joy intact, fostering healthier communication moving forward.

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Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out a spicy mix of support and shade. They weighed in with everything from cheers for the kids’ excitement to eye-rolls at the dad’s communication fumble. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the online peanut gallery, served with a side of sass:

LuckStrict6000 − YTA. Take care of the pets yourself while your kids are at their mom’s….. telling the kids they can take a pet to her house before even discussing it with her directly is ridiculous and telling the kids they need to come over there to your house during HER time with them is also ridiculous. You set her up to be the bad guy. You handled this so wrong.

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MultiFazed − YTA. Specifically, this: We presented their options as we saw them: Come over from time-to-time, ask for help from someone that's here all the time, bring the pets back and forth.. Let's look at those: 1. **Come over from time-to-time**: Is this supported by your custody agreement?

If not, this can easily read as you trying to make an end-run around your court-ordered custody arrangement under the guise of 'teaching the kids responsibility with a pet'. 2. **Ask for help from someone that's here all the time**: They're 11 and 13. If you *choose* to get them a pet that needs to stay at your house,

it's not their responsibility to 'find' someone to take care of it; it's **your** responsibility to take care of it. 3. **Bring the pets back and forth**: You made this suggestion before talking to your ex about it to verify that it would be okay. At first glance, this reads as you purposefully putting your ex in a bind;

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either she says yes (thus validating your attempt to make decisions on her behalf), or she says no (turning her into 'the bad guy'). What you're doing here is manipulative as hell. If you want to get them a pet, fine. But the correct approach is to not make (or even suggest) any changes to visitation,

and proactively say that you'll take care of the pet when your kids aren't with you, and the pet will stay with you and not go to your ex's house. Basically, get *yourself* a pet that your kids have some responsibility over instead of getting **them** a pet.

HotAudience6110 − OP I think the situation would have been different if you and your wife bought a family pet that would only stay at your house. The expectation then would be that you didn’t need to discuss it with your ex-wife. However, you opted to buy your sons their own pets.

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That’s a parenting decision you should have discussed with your ex/their mom. I am afraid your ex is right and while I don’t think you did this to inconvenience or upset any one you made assumptions without actually talking to her about it.

wpel_142 − 'We presented their options as we saw them: Come over from time-to-time, ask for help from someone that's here all the time, bring the pets back and forth. They decided they would like it best if they could bring their pets back and forth between the houses. '. ​. ​. That makes it YTA. ​If YOU get them pets, YOU need to take care of them when they are at their mom's without involving her.

Organic_Extension750 − YTA. In the end, the kids are certainly going to want to go back and forth more to take care of the pets which would impact the time they spend at their mothers. You put her in the position of being the bad guy because she doesn't want the responsibility of the pets and she saw that your kids were probably disappointed.

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And it sounds like it's not the first time you make a decision that would impact the way custody works. YTA because you are supposed to be parenting with her but instead of talking to her first to see what were the actual options you could present to the kids, you went to the kids and got them all excited about it and giving them an option that makes their mother look bad.

icedpeachmelon − What pets? I'm curious as to know what kinda pets you got. Also, YTA. You basically made her look like the bad guy by saying they could bring the animals back and forth and having her being put on the spot to say no. I can understand why she's pissed at that. You can get the pets yourself and they can be taken care of at your house.

You can take care of them when the boys aren't there. Depending on what pets you got. It can't be that hard. ETA: I feel like you purposely didn't tell us what kinda pets you got to make it sound not so bad, you know the answer before even posting this.

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HotAudience6110 − OP I think the situation would have been different if you and your wife bought a family pet that would only stay at your house. The expectation then would be that you didn’t need to discuss it with your ex-wife. However, you opted to buy your sons their own pets.

That’s a parenting decision you should have discussed with your ex/their mom. I am afraid your ex is right and while I don’t think you did this to inconvenience or upset any one you made assumptions without actually talking to her about it.. YTA

SaturnFirefly − YTA. You told your kids they could have the pets in both houses without asking her. You set expectations on the boys and now she's the mean parent that won't let the kids have the pets at her place, or the parent that will eventually end up taking care of a pet that she didn't sign up for, and she had no input on choosing. You said the pets will always stay at your place.

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Can you guarantee that your boys, who will love these pets and can walk to your ex's will never take them there? That if you and your wife need to leave your place and the kids are staying at you ex's, she won't end up having them over? I don't know what kind of co-parenting relationship you have with her, but would it have kill you to check with her beforehand?

jkshfjlsksha − YTA for the options you presented. The only option is for you guys to take care of the pets when they’re gone- not try to lessen their time with their mother or make their mother into the bad guy for not agreeing to have the pets in her home.. *They* also should not have been the one having this conversation with your ex, *you* would have been.

snarkprovider − YTA for now. You have been planning this since December and dumped it on her in July. Even if the pets stay at your house it sounds like they are interfering with her parenting time if the kids are coming over to play with them. She deserved to be part of the decision months ago.

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These Redditors tore into the dad’s approach, calling out his options as manipulative or thoughtless. Some empathized with the ex, arguing she was set up to lose, while others urged the dad to keep pets at his place. But are these hot takes the full picture, or just Reddit’s classic flair for drama?

This furry fiasco shows how even good intentions can go awry without clear communication. The dad’s heart was in the right place, but his solo decision-making left his ex feeling steamrolled, proving co-parenting is a team sport. By prioritizing dialogue and respect, both parents can turn this misstep into a lesson for smoother sailing ahead. What would you do if you were caught in this blended family bind? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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