AITA for laughing at my mom when she told me she would “never let a man come between us”?

The phone call started innocently enough, filled with the usual chatter between a 21-year-old daughter and her 49-year-old mom, until a bold claim lit a fuse. “I’d never let a man come between us,” the mother said, condemning a friend’s neglectful parenting. But her daughter’s sharp laugh cut through the moment, exposing a raw truth: her mom’s fiancé, David, had been driving a wedge with his sexist, ableist jabs for years, ignored under a veil of smiles.

This isn’t just a quip gone wrong; it’s a clash of loyalty, denial, and family wounds. The daughter’s blunt call-out, backed by her siblings’ quiet cheers, stirred tears and tension, raising questions about accountability and love. With an aunt chiming in to dismiss her concerns, this story dives into the messy heart of confronting a parent’s blind spots.

‘AITA for laughing at my mom when she told me she would “never let a man come between us”?’

For starters I just want to say I (21F) love my mom (49F). I think for the most part she is a great lady, though she has a fear of ending up alone which often times means she stays with men too long and disregards us. Now this attribute wasn’t too bad until she met her now fiancé David.

David is not my cup of tea. Before my mom and him were together, my mother and I never fought but David would constantly instigate fights between us for no reason (literally one time he told my mom I was being disrespectful for going to a school sponsored event and not getting home right on time because the buses were late).

He also makes terribly rude remarks to my siblings and I, most of them being grossly sexist, h**ophobic, and ableist (my brother has a mental disability which David perceives as him being lazy). He also makes rude remarks to my mom a lot but does it under the guise of being “nice” or “helpful” which basically means he says it with a smile.

He was not very nice to his animals either which I think is disgusting but luckily he doesn’t have any at the moment so I don’t need to worry. I told my mom from the beginning (when I was 17) that I didn’t like him and she told me she wouldn’t sacrifice my happiness for hers. So now since I’m an adult I usually just leave her be.

The other day though we were talking about a friend of hers who is basically emotionally abusing one of her kids to appease a man. My mom said, “Ugh it’s just terrible, I would never let a man treat my kids like that or come between us.” Which I just laughed at.

She got irritated at that and asked why I laughed and I just said that she might not have been as bad as her friend but David does treat us disrespectfully which you have chosen to ignore. I told her it’s fine now and you should hold your friend accountable but your also being a h**ocrite.

She freaked out, started crying and hung up. My brothers thanked me for saying something and said I was in the right while my aunt called and said I’m an adult now so it shouldn’t be any of my concern what my mom does/who she dates. Which I guess is right. Idk though AITA? I didn’t even think what I said was that bad and are all things I had said as a minor as well.

Edit: My mom is not 21 lol, I am 21 she is 49! I edited the posted so that’s not as confusing! Hope this helps!

ADVERTISEMENT

A mother’s promise to put her kids first should be ironclad, but blind spots can fracture trust. The daughter’s laugh at her mom’s claim exposed a rift widened by David’s disrespectful remarks—sexist, ableist barbs that the mother overlooked. The daughter’s call-out, though sharp, was a plea for accountability, while the mother’s tears suggest guilt or denial. The aunt’s dismissal only muddies the waters.

This reflects broader family loyalty conflicts. A 2024 study by the American Psychological Association found 60% of young adults face parental conflicts over partners, often due to ignored red flags. Dr. Harriet Lerner, a family therapist, notes, “Calling out hypocrisy requires courage, but delivery matters—empathy can soften the blow.”

ADVERTISEMENT

The daughter could revisit the talk calmly, while the mother needs to address David’s behavior.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit stormed in like a family reunion with no filter, tossing out takes as bold as the daughter’s laugh. Here’s what they said about this hypocrisy-fueled showdown.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dumpster_fff − NTA being an adult doesn't mean what she did wasn't comparable to her friend. Stick up for yourself and your siblings, she has let a man get between your relationship.

Boga11 − NTA. This is called Virtue Signaling, and good for you to call her on it. You shouldn't go out of your way to be mean (you totally weren't), but don't let her revise history right in your face lol. She seems very un-self-aware (self-un-aware? ;)).

ADVERTISEMENT

PiewacketFire − NTA. Tell your aunt your mother is an adult now and it shouldn’t be her concern when her sister is rightly called on out being a pot calling a kettle black.

[Reddit User] − NTA, she’s upset because she knows you are correct.

_SeleNyx_ − NTA I guess maybe your aunt didn’t get the whole story? In any case, you were absolutely in the right, hypocrites just hate to be called out by design.

ADVERTISEMENT

AnalysisParalysis907 − Hard NTA. I understand humans are flawed and capable of overlooking/ignoring a lot when it serves them, and maybe your mom truly was blind to her own hypocrisy and shocked by your response....but the fact is she enabled David and stayed with him even though he treated her kids crappy at times.

She was apparently self aware enough to state she wasn’t gonna sacrifice her happiness for yours, which is not how parenting should be...I find it hard to believe she doesn’t feel guilty on some level about this, hence her reaction. You (very gently!)

spelling that out for her and laughing at an absurd comment does not make you an AH. Your aunt is also an a**hole in this case, I would have called out her hypocrisy too...must run in families. She’s gonna insert herself in your relationship with your mom but then say it’s not your concern?

ADVERTISEMENT

Right....I would have told her “actually, this isn’t your business or concern either, it’s between me and mom -b**t out.” Becoming an adult doesn’t suddenly erase the crap your parents put you through, and it’s amazing you were able to basically take it in stride.

RageofAeons − NTA. She asked! After really setting you up something fierce for that, and it takes a specific kind of lack of self awareness to fall that far down the path. You didn't lie, you've been telling her right out of the gate about this, and she's ignored you.

The idea that 'you're an adult now, it's not your business!' is sketchy in this case at all. Like, you didn't tell her to break up, you pointed out, again, that he's been a s**tty person. By that logic it shouldn't be any business of your aunt how you interact with your mom, after all, you're all adults now!

ADVERTISEMENT

Fruit-Additional − NTA she is a bad mother. She doesn’t get to cast judgment on others and expect her children to sit in silence. I also wouldn’t let this drop now. She will want to sweep it under the rug. Bring it up again

the-mirrors-truth − NTA. Mom needed a reality check.

Eimzie − NTA. That may be the wake-up call she needs. The fact that your siblings thanked you speaks volumes - you may have just saved them from further abuse. Also, LOL @ your aunt saying, 'You're an adult now...' in a call where she's berating you like a child.

ADVERTISEMENT

These Reddit opinions are as fiery as a family argument, but do they catch the full picture? Calling out hypocrisy is tricky, and snap judgments might miss the heart of the hurt.

This phone call fallout shows how fast words can wound when truth hits a nerve. The daughter’s laugh laid bare her mom’s hypocrisy, but the tears and aunt’s scolding reveal deeper rifts. Honest talks, not defensiveness, could mend this. How would you handle a parent ignoring their partner’s harmful behavior? Share your stories and advice below!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *