AITA for not forcing my foster kid to go to church?

In a new foster home, a 15-year-old Jewish girl named Hope faced an unexpected challenge: her Christian foster mother’s attempt to impose her faith. When the 34-year-old foster father stepped in, halting his wife’s push to force Hope to church and removing crosses from her room, he ignited a family firestorm. His wife fled to her mother’s, and her in-laws condemned him, leaving him torn over his stand. Was his defense of Hope’s beliefs a heroic act or a marital misstep?

This isn’t just a family clash; it’s a poignant tale of faith, foster care, and standing up for a vulnerable teen. With Reddit rallying behind his choice, the foster dad’s left questioning his path. Step into this heartfelt drama and decide: was he right to protect Hope, or should he have handled it differently?

‘AITA for not forcing my foster kid to go to church?’

My wife (35F) and I (34M) have decided to be foster parents after not being able to have children. Our current foster child, Hope, is 15 and Jewish. We're Christian. My wife is really committed to her faith and won't hesitate to push it onto others.

The past week, my wife would put crosses up in her room when Hope is elsewhere, and Hope would take them down (after I apologize for her behavior). Hope hates confrontation, and is a generally quiet girl. I have spoken to my wife about privately, and she believes she is 'getting rid of the 'Jewish-ness'.'

I don't like it and I don't think it's right that she does this. When Sunday came (First Sunday that we've had her) my wife woke her up and demanded that she went to Church with us. I heard this outside Hope's room, as our walls are not necessarily soundproof.

Hope kept stammering, and I felt my wife was exploiting that. I stormed in and told my wife that she needs to respect Hope's religion, and let it be. She looked shocked, as if she expected me to take her side. She stormed out of Hope's room, grabbed clothes, took one of our cars, and is currently staying at my MIL's house.

I told Hope she doesn't need to, and I would skip for that day to be with her. My wife is furious at me, and my in-laws think I'm in the wrong. (My parents died in a house fire ten years ago.) I'm not sure about it. AITA?

Protecting a foster child’s identity and beliefs is a core responsibility, and this Reddit user’s intervention to shield Hope from his wife’s religious coercion was a crucial stand. The wife’s actions—placing crosses in Hope’s room and demanding church attendance—crossed into anti-Semitic territory, attempting to erase Hope’s Jewish identity, which may be a vital link to her past. This behavior, as Reddit noted, is abusive and unfit for foster parenting, exploiting Hope’s vulnerability as a quiet, non-confrontational teen. The husband’s failure to report this to the foster agency earlier, however, risks prolonging Hope’s exposure to a harmful environment.

Foster care demands cultural sensitivity. A 2023 study by the Child Welfare League of America found that 80% of foster youth benefit from maintaining cultural or religious ties, enhancing stability. The wife’s intent to “get rid of the ‘Jewish-ness’” violates this principle, potentially causing lasting harm. Her shock at her husband’s opposition suggests a lack of self-awareness, and her in-laws’ support may enable her bigotry.

Foster care expert Dr. John DeGarmo advises, “Foster parents must prioritize the child’s identity over personal beliefs”. The husband should immediately contact the agency to ensure Hope’s safety, possibly seeking a new placement, and pursue couples counseling to address his wife’s behavior. For readers, supporting foster youth means respecting their heritage.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit stormed this foster care clash with fierce support for the foster dad’s stand, shredding the wife’s bigotry and urging action for Hope’s safety. Here’s what the community had to say about this faith-fueled drama:

thirdtryisthecharm - NTA.Your wife is trying to force a child in foster care to convert. how incredibly cruel to take a child in such an unstable situation and try to strip away her beliefs and by extension remove the way those beliefs can function as a connection to any past family or a sense of community.

ADVERTISEMENT

Inevitable-Speech-38 - Your wife is literally every single red flag for why certain people should not be allowed to foster children.

LeReineNoir - NTA. And your wife is a bigot.

ADVERTISEMENT

Comfortable-Plane944 - You’re NTA, your wife is. Religion should never be forced, and to be honest you acted like much more of a Christian than your wife has

scrapfactor - NTA. but how in the world are you qualified to be foster parents? It's bad enough to force religion onto a 15 year old, I'm not even touching your wife's desire to get rid of jewish-ness, but your wife was actually taking advantage of a teenage girl stammering?

ADVERTISEMENT

Someone who just got to a new home, is lonely and scared and this woefully poor excuse for a 'christian' you call your wife is taking advantage of her stammering. JFC you need to rethink the people you want to be with and count your blessings every moment your wife isn't in your house.

Jujulabee - ESH. Your wife is more than an a**hole - she is a bigoted anti-Semite. However, you should have gotten in contact with the agency as soon as the first incident happened so that Hope could be placed in a non-bigoted atmosphere. You are allowing this child to be housed in an abusive home.

DeathFindsAWay - YTA. for remaining married to an anti-Semite. Anybody who willingly associates with an anti-Semite is probably one themselves. If a Nazi sits down at a table with eleven other people and they stay, you have twelve Nazis.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] - NTA. right now, but you will be the a**hole if you don't contact your worker/agency and get Hope a safe place away from your wife. You will also be the a**hole if you take another placement knowing your wife is being pushy and intolerant with traumatized children.

HCIBSW - NTA. Hope is old enough to choose what if any faith she wants to follow. Hope's religion may be one of the parts of her past that brings her memories of happier times. It is not up to your wife to convert anyone. Your wife, is not fit to be a foster parent if this is her intention. Of course your in laws think you are wrong, they helped raise your wife to be this way.

HarryEspeland - NTA , remind your wife of who also tried to 'get rid of the 'jewish-ness'' in the 40's

ADVERTISEMENT

These fiery takes champion Hope’s protection, but do they push too hard on the husband’s marriage? Reddit’s clear: bigotry has no place in foster care!

This foster care saga, ignited by a wife’s attempt to erase a teen’s Jewish faith, weaves a powerful thread through duty and diversity. The Reddit user’s defense of Hope’s beliefs was a bold stand for her dignity, but his wife’s anti-Semitic actions and family backlash reveal a deeper rift. As he faces this crossroads, the question lingers: was his intervention enough, or must he take bolder steps to protect Hope? What would you do when personal beliefs threaten a child’s identity? Drop your stories, advice, or spicy takes below!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *