AITAH for not telling my soon to be ex husband that the girl that he left me for has already cheated on him?

In a quiet moment, the sting of betrayal lingers like a cold draft through an open window. A woman sits, phone in hand, wrestling with a secret that could unravel her ex-husband’s new life. After 15 years of marriage, marked by his affairs and manipulation, she’s learned his new partner—his “best friend”—has cheated on him. The irony is as sharp as a winter breeze. Should she spill the tea or let karma work its magic? Her story, raw and relatable, unfolds on Reddit, pulling readers into a drama where love, deceit, and revenge collide.

The emotional weight of her decision hangs heavy, like storm clouds over a fractured home. With divorce papers looming, she’s torn between exposing the truth or walking away clean. Readers feel her conflict, drawn to the moral tug-of-war. Is silence strength or petty satisfaction? Let’s dive into her tale and see what the Reddit crowd thinks.

‘AITAH for not telling my soon to be ex husband that the girl that he left me for has already cheated on him?’

So here’s a little backstory. My ex left me for his “best friend” last year around April after nearly 15 years together and 11 years of marriage. In the beginning was the typical story of we’ve grown apart and he didn’t want to move to the state that I moved to to start getting our new life together and ready for when he was ready to move.

He initially said it was because he didn’t want to leave his parents behind with his dad being terminally ill with prostate cancer and his mom wouldn’t want to move after he passed. But i immediately knew it was his female “best friend” who was pushing for this because of some red flag conversations we had been having months before when he visited me in the state I moved to in January.

I caught him lying to her about where he was and asked him why she didn’t know that he was here visiting me because we were all friends at the time. He told me that it was because she was “judgy” and didn’t want to deal with her being snarky towards him.

I asked why would she be judgy when she knows that we are working on our marriage long distance while we wait for the perfect house to come up and us to get everything ready after we had sold our home in CA the summer before. He just said she would judge regardless and then was very careful of how his phone faced afterwards.

I had also caught her making comments on his IG posts about my dog and him being “her big boys” and a few other remarks and actions that made me and her at the time boyfriend uncomfortable. She is also a serial cheater btw. Well fast forward to early April and he calls me one morning and says that he doesn’t want to move and thinks we should separate.

I asked him if it was because of her. He said no and that he had been seeing a therapist and wasn’t happy anymore with me and didn’t think he loved me anymore but needed time to figure it out. Now here’s the thing. We talked on the phone every night from the moment he got off of work til we would fall asleep on the phone together and I would wake him up in the morning when I had to go into work.

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There was literally no time for these two hour therapy sessions that he was supposedly doing over the phone. Fast forward another month of almost zero contact and he says he wants a divorce. I bring up the fact that his best friend is not a marriage councilor and has been making several posts hinting that there was already a relationship between them.

He said my perception wasn’t his problem and he was done. Not even a month later and she announces they’re in a relationship after both blocked me to keep their secrets. Another month later and they’re “engaged”.

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Mind you in the photo that was posted on MY birthday which was during the time that we weren’t talking while he decided he was already wearing a black wedding band which was her toxic claim on him. Now to the cheater cheating on the cheater. A friend of mine reached out to me nearly a year later asking who my ex was dating.

I told him the story and he said that he knew her. I asked him how because he knows a lot of people in our old home town. He said that she was hooking up with a buddy of his. Apparently back in January or February of this year she showed up to a couple of events or parties that my friend was at and was glued to his buddy and even went to hook up during one of the parties with his friend.

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My ex and this girl have been together since at least April of last year and she was hooking up with some dude just a few months ago. So while this news actually gives me a lot of satisfaction because the serial cheater finally got a dose of his own toxic medicine I don’t know if I want to tell him or not.

Part of me wants to just let the karma roll out in its own time. The other part of me wants to tell him to ask her about some dude named J from Idaho and to make sure he pays attention to her face dropping because I have all of the receipts at this point. I unfortunately have to see him sometime soon to finalize our divorce but do I just let it ride and let him find out on his own?

More context about our marriage is that I stayed through multiple affairs of his and years of abuse and manipulation, I’m talking everything but physical abuse. He blames me for ruining our marriage because in 2020 I wanted a separation/divorce because I had found out about yet another affair and I was tired of the constant n**lect and abuse.

In the end we ended up staying together because I thought he was the person I wanted to grow old with and hadn’t come to the realization yet that I was being gaslit and manipulated like always.

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So we stopped the divorce and stayed together even through me moving to another state to help my parents get their new property set up. So AITAH for not wanting to tell him and letting karma unfold all on its own?

Relationships built on shaky foundations often crumble under the weight of their own secrets. This woman’s story, drenched in betrayal, highlights the chaos of infidelity and the question of whether to intervene. Dr. Shirley Glass, a noted psychologist, wrote in Not “Just Friends” (available on Google Books), “Betrayal in a committed relationship creates a wound that takes time and intention to heal.” Her ex’s quick leap to a new engagement suggests denial, not healing, and his partner’s infidelity mirrors his own past.

The woman faces a classic dilemma: expose the cheating or stay silent. Her ex’s history of affairs and manipulation paints him as unreliable, while his partner’s actions echo that toxicity. Glass’s research shows that 60% of marriages affected by infidelity end in divorce, often due to eroded trust. Here, trust was long gone, making her reluctance to warn him understandable—she’s protecting her peace.

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Broadening the lens, infidelity reflects deeper issues of communication and respect. The Institute for Family Studies reports that 20% of married men admit to cheating, often citing emotional disconnection. Her ex’s lies about therapy and secretive phone habits scream avoidance. Warning him risks re-entering his drama, something she’s worked to escape. Instead, focusing on her healing aligns with Glass’s advice: prioritize self-care over fixing others’ messes.

For her, the best move is to finalize the divorce and move forward. Engaging could drag her back into manipulation, as Glass notes that confronting betrayal often invites blame-shifting. By staying silent, she lets their toxic cycle run its course, freeing herself for a fresh start.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade. Picture a virtual campfire where everyone’s roasting marshmallows and opinions. Here’s what they had to say:

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redfishie − Op, don’t tell him since he will just blame you as the person who brings him the news. The best thing you can do is wash your hands of him and not talk to him.

MissMurderpants − Yeah, NTA. Let the divorce be finalized. Then just get the jiffy pop ready.

mehformondays − NTA. They are no longer your circus or your monkeys. Cut yourself off from the drama and walk away free. They can continue their toxic nonsense. They clearly deserve each other.. Best of luck in your new jerk-free life.

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weeble_lowe − Don’t bother. He would only resent you and look for ways to defend his relationship. On a petty note, once he discovers his partner’s infidelity, you can show him your “receipts.”

jjj68548 − NAH. If it was me, I’d totally be snarky and say at the divorce in person. “I wish both of you cheaters the best of luck. You might want to ask about J from Idaho btw.” Then turn and walk away, leaving him guessing.

Technical_Pumpkin_65 − Why not pretending the day of your divorce or the last day you will see him how released you are to not be connect with him anymore . Because you knew he was a cheater but Never thought he was into open relationship too,then say you guess it’s his problems if he like to share his girlfriend with other dudes!.

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If he ask what are you talking about tell him what you know. It doesn’t matter if he believe you or not because the doubt will be in his head and i garantee you he will try soon or later to find out!

seidinove − NTA. I would respect your decision either way, and I lean toward not saying a word until your divorce is final. After that, I do like the advice of u/redfishie to remain silent as he might deflect blame to you.

lapsangsouchogn − Just be truthful. Tell him she's perfect for him, and wish them all the happiness they deserve.

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[Reddit User] − Don't get involved. Make your own life. They're losers.

mauve55 − NTA: he deserves it, so let her continue to cheat and let him deal with whatever comes of it.

These Redditors rallied behind her, urging her to stay out of the mess. Some saw her silence as a power move, others as self-preservation. But do their cheers capture the full picture, or are they just fueling the drama?

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This story is a rollercoaster of heartbreak and poetic justice. The woman’s choice to let karma unfold feels like a quiet victory, reclaiming her peace after years of turmoil. Yet, the urge to drop the truth bomb lingers, tempting her to shake his world. Reddit’s take leans toward letting him crash and burn, but the decision is hers. What would you do if you held the key to exposing a cheater’s fate? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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