AITA for kicking my friend off our vacation for making a joke about my boyfriend?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy college apartment, New Year’s Eve fizzles with laughter and drinks—until a friend’s flirty “joke” about kissing the host’s boyfriend sours the vibe. Fast-forward to planning a Miami getaway, and that same friend, J, doubles down with a quip about sharing a bed with him. Fed up, the host quietly shifts the trip dates to exclude J, sparking a fiery fallout and accusations of manipulation. The vacation’s still on, but the friendship’s on thin ice.

This story sizzles with the drama of college friendships tested by boundary-crossing jokes. The student’s sneaky rescheduling feels like a protective move, but J’s outrage paints it as betrayal. Readers are drawn into a sun-soaked debate: was cutting J out a justified stand for respect, or a shady overreach? It’s a tale of loyalty, trust, and the cost of guarding a relationship.

‘AITA for kicking my friend off our vacation for making a joke about my boyfriend?’

So my friends and I are going on a trip next month to Miami, FL. We’ve been planning it for about a month now, and originally it was going to be a float trip within our state and with 16 people we go to college with (before everyone screeches about the pandemic, we’re all fully vaccinated through our uni).

One of my friends in particular (J) has a very specific work schedule. We worked around this and got days of the week that are less convenient for the majority because we wanted to include her. She refuses to take off work for the trip despite going on multiple week-long vacations with other people since April.

Still though, we did our best to accommodate her. On New Years, we all stayed on campus for the break so her, myself, two friends, and my boyfriend (A) all spent the night together drinking and playing games in my apartment since my roommate had gone home.

That night, she made a passing comment about how she thought my boyfriend was hot and she would love him to be her New Years kiss, and I chalked it up to drunken confessions and ignored it since she didn’t make any moves. At one point she did “fall” into his lap but he removed her quickly.

Now for this trip, we had to seek out accommodations. After changing from the initial float trip because I and our other friend (S) wanted to go to Florida, we downsized our group to just me, S, J, A, and A’s friend. We were looking at a 3 bedroom apartment on AirBnB with enough beds to have everyone sleeping comfortably.

While discussing sleeping arrangements with S and J, J decided to half joke about how she wanted to sleep with A and that I wouldn’t be mad since we’ve gone on breaks to see other people before. (Note, A and I have been dating for 3 years at this point.

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We’ve “broken up” to see other people once before in our first year when we went on summer break because our hometowns are too far away to see each other. We were 18/19 at the time and haven’t done it again since) I expressed discomfort at this joke and she kept brushing it off but I really don’t trust her.

While talking with S privately, she also said that it was a bit weird. I ended up shifting the dates of our stay and place tickets by one day which would prevent J from being able to attend due to her work schedule. At first I just said it was because those were cheaper dates, but she seemed to pick up immediate that it was done because of what she said.

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She’s now calling me a manipulative b**ch and cursing me to hell. S said it was a bit unexpected but she understands why I did it as well as why J is mad. A has no idea because we haven’t involved him in the situation. He just knows the new dates and is fine with them.. AITA?

This vacation drama is a clash of boundaries and subtle power plays. J’s “jokes” about the boyfriend—escalating from a drunken New Year’s comment to a vacation quip—signal disrespect, if not intent. Dr. Irene Levine, a friendship expert, notes that “humor targeting a friend’s relationship often masks jealousy or testing limits, eroding trust” (The Friendship Blog). The OP’s discomfort, validated by friend S, justified action to protect her peace.

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Rescheduling the trip to exclude J, while effective, was passive-aggressive. A 2023 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 58% of young adults avoid direct confrontation in friendships, leading to resentment (APA). J’s angry reaction suggests she sensed the intent, amplifying the drama. A direct conversation about her inappropriate comments might have clarified boundaries or exposed her motives sooner.

Dr. Levine advises addressing boundary violations head-on to preserve or end friendships cleanly. The OP could still confront J, explaining how her comments crossed a line, offering a chance for accountability. Informing her boyfriend about the situation ensures transparency, preventing future manipulation. Moving forward, the OP should prioritize friends who respect her relationship, ensuring drama-free trips.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crew crashed the party with a spring break vibe, dishing out support and shade with cocktail-hour zest. It’s a lively debate over boundaries, trust, and trip plans. Here’s what they said:

CleanAssociation9394 − NTA it would have been a bit better to be honest about why you were changing plans, but it's totally understandable to avoid a no-win discussion.

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Weaselpanties − NTA, and you are right to trust your gut. You chose a way to go about it that minimizes drama and conflict, and the fact that she is cursing you out for it rather than recognizing that she overstepped a major boundary is confirmation that you made the right decision IMO.

I'm 50 and something I have noticed is that when people make those kinds of little 'jokes', they are actually testing the waters to see what they can get away with. The NYE kiss, the 'falling' into his lap, and the 'half joke' about wanting to sleep with your boyfriend are all big, clear red flags; she is planning on trying to sleep with your boyfriend.

She's literally telling you so. She most likely will not change this kind of behavior, ever, and will cause a world of drama and heartbreak for the people in her life; you have the opportunity to choose not to be one of them.

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HereFishyFishy4444 − NTA Trust your intuition on those things. Even if your bf wouldn't go for it, it just sounds like it could amount to an unpleasant situation.

laurenthelyon − NTA, she obviously doesn’t respect the sanctity of your relationship or have faith in its stability. Sounds like she’s waiting around for it to end so she can try and slide in.

dembowthennow − NTA. J is behaving inappropriately and that behavior would definitely ruin your vacation. Let her rage - it's better than watching her hit on your boyfriend while you're trying to relax.

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PhantomMystique − ESH. Absolutely J was being inappropriate and I wouldn't trust her with A either. She is making you and him uncomfortable and that's not fair. That being said, you should have confronted her directly rather than changing the schedule so she couldn't go on the trip.

thxbtnothx − ESH. Going against the grain here to say that she’s clearly out of line but you probably needed to have a talk with her about how uncomfortable and inappropriate her behaviour is. You’re painting yourself as if you did this for her and the friend group but ultimately you excluded her because she pissed you off.

That is a pretty vindictive thing to do. You say this protects her reputation and cuts down on drama but it doesn’t, you’re creating more drama after she says “wow, OP has some kind of grudge against me and dropped me from the trip, I have no idea why she would change everything so I couldn’t go but I guess she’s a b**ch, huh?” to your friend group.

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You’re really doing it to flex your social power over her and because you’re not able to handle a confrontation. I think you should just lean into being an AH here because I get the feeling you don’t mind cutting her out, you’re happy you could exclude her and get the others to go with it, but you just don’t want to look shady. You were shady and this is less mature and pettier than talking to her.

noobilka − NTA. But next time give a heads-up to your bf. It will help if she tries to pull some other s**t in revenge.

plootingaround − NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

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EddaValkyrie − ESH I do think it was was sneaky and manipulative. You should've just told her directly why you weren't comfortable with her coming on the trip due to the 'jokes' she was making about your significant other - this would definitely be seen as passive aggressive by her.

Redditors mostly backed the OP, calling J’s behavior a red flag and praising the quiet exclusion, though some criticized the sneaky approach as drama-fueling. Do these takes soak up the sun, or are they just stirring the beach sand?

This story basks in the heat of college friendships, where a “joke” about a boyfriend sparks a vacation shake-up. The OP’s subtle move to ditch J protected her relationship but ignited a feud, highlighting the need for direct communication. Trust your gut, but speak your truth. Have you ever faced a friend crossing lines with your partner? How would you handle this Miami mess? Share your thoughts below!

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