AITA for grabbing someone’s phone and screaming at them?

A romantic dinner on a restaurant patio turned chaotic when a fan’s obsession with a minor YouTube star pushed boundaries too far. After recognizing the woman’s boyfriend, the fan lingered for nearly 30 minutes, filming and flirting despite polite requests to leave. Frustrated, the woman grabbed the fan’s phone, deleted the videos, and yelled, sparking tears and a scene.

Her boyfriend called her reaction excessive, hinting the fan might struggle with social cues, but she saw entitlement. This Reddit tale of public recognition, privacy, and a heated clash questions where patience ends and self-defense begins. Was her outburst justified, or did she cross a line? Let’s dig into this fiery dining drama.

‘AITA for grabbing someone’s phone and screaming at them?’

Ok so I know it doesn’t sound great and I can already sense the people telling me this story sounds fake, I know how it looks, but I’m honestly really upset about this whole thing and just want a bit of clarity. My boyfriend helped me write this and we’ll be reading the comments together.

So my boyfriend “Ben” has an amazing job. I can’t get into much detail as I don’t want anyone guessing who he is or what he does but part of it requires him to appear in YouTube videos every few weeks or so on his company’s channel. He’s not famous or anything like that but the channel grew in popularity throughout the last few years and people have increasingly started to recognize him when we’re out.

I don’t really mind, most people just want to have a quick chat or show their support, not really any pics or anything. We went out to eat at this new restaurant we wanted to try and sat on the patio, right by the barrier. As we were waiting for our food, this girl (20-something) walking by recognized him and started FREAKING OUT as if he was an actual celebrity or something.

He was a bit taken aback since she was being super loud and he’s not used to having fans, like at all. Everyone was staring at us, but I thought it was kinda funny and offered to take a picture. Afterwards though, SHE WOULDNT LEAVE. We’re talking like 25-30 mins of her pretending I don’t exist and trying to make small talk/explicitly flirting with my boyfriend.

She was also visibly filming the whole thing too (pointing the camera at us then on herself, so I saw that was recording) Our food even got to our table and we weren’t sure what to do. I eventually just said something like “Hey I’m sorry but this is a special night out for us and we’d like to eat our dinner alone if that’s ok!” Which she ignored and kept hovering over our table.

My boyfriend reiterated the same thing and she just sighed and walked away. She came back 10 mins later, still filming, and started talking as if nothing happened. I told her to stop filming us as it was uncomfortable and she pretended to not hear me, again.

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So I (aggressively, I’ll admit it) grabbed her phone, deleted the vids, threw it back at her and screamed at her she was embarrassing herself trying to pick up MY boyfriend and needed to leave us alone. She started crying, said sorry, and left.

“Ben” is telling me that I was a huge ass because she obviously seemed to have some sort of difficulty assessing social cues/situations, but to me it just looked like she was an entitled brat that wouldn’t take no for an answer. AITA here??

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EDIT: Need to mention that a few waiters/customers told her to leave the second time after I told her to stop filming, and she ignored them as well. The manager was notified right before the scene but got to the table right when the woman started crying, then she left.

Public recognition can blur personal boundaries, turning a quiet dinner into a spectacle. The woman’s escalating frustration with the fan’s filming and flirting, despite multiple requests to stop, reflects a natural defense of privacy. However, grabbing the phone and yelling risked legal and social fallout.

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Dr. Pamela Rutledge, a media psychologist, notes, “Fans often feel entitled to access public figures, ignoring personal space.” A 2023 study found 55% of minor celebrities face boundary violations, often from fans misreading social cues. Physically intervening, though, can escalate tensions unnecessarily.

This highlights a broader issue: handling public intrusions calmly. The woman could have insisted on management’s intervention earlier or left the scene. Firm, non-physical boundaries might have de-escalated.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit users brought heated takes and divided views on this restaurant ruckus. Here’s what they said:

emanresuelbaliavayna - ESH. She should have left you alone when asked. But your reaction was way over the top. Forceably taking her phone and then throwing it back at her is way more than what was necessary. And frankly, having a screaming meltdown at her for 'trying to pick up MY boyfriend' just makes you look like a jealous mess.

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You embarrassed yourself and probably your boyfriend. Also, if his youtube appearances are connected to his work, it probably won't help his career to have a girlfriend who responds to female fans by forceably confiscating their phones and screaming at them because 'MY BOYFRIEND!'.

[Reddit User] - ESH Why didn't you guys get a waiter or a manager to kick her out? Also you should have demanded she deletes the videos, not pounce at her like a maniac, also yelling about him being YOUR boyfriend is so bloody trashy. Darling, it is not your job to declare him as taken, it's his. If you have to scream about him being yours, he's not yours.

doppeldodo - NTA. That was an incredible d**k move of her and I'm impressed by OPs patience. If she cracked down after close to an hour, that's not an a**hole move, it's just a normal reaction.

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proace360 - So which Bon Appetit guy is he?

randomredittor21 - NTA you, your bf, AND other customers told her to leave you guys alone politely numerous times, she trampled all over your boundaries and had no manners, I wouldn’t have grabbed the phone out of her hand but I would have definitely been angry too,

and no you don’t sound jealous saying my boyfriend when she was ignoring you and openly flirting with him in front of you. If I were another customer I would not have been embarrassed for you at all like other comments said, but I would be mortified for her because she behaved so badly.

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Incognito_Placebo - ESH. You got lucky all she did was cry after you took her personal possession and altered the info within it, which suggests to me that she was probably fairly young. There's handling a situation, and then there's what you did.

CloverClover97 - NTA she wasn’t responding to you being polite so you became impolite and she left. You gave her not one, not two, but over three chances to go before you turned ugly, she deserved it.

supa_caliente - NTA and here’s why. I’m a New Yorker. Born and raised. I’m in and out of NYC every day for work and school. While I don’t personally understand the ‘celebrity’ aspect of this post, I most certainly understand how New Yorkers, whether it be tourists or locals, don’t give a *flying frick* about your personal space.

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Everyone saying YTA needs to understand that the sheer crowdedness and publicness that being in NYC brings, makes people feel more entitled to breech your personal space and boundaries, *especialllllyyyyy* if you’re easily recognized.

Sometimes the only thing you *can* do is aggressively re-set your boundaries once they’ve been trampled over. Truthfully, I think you gave her more respectful chances than she deserved. Anyway, a clear, resounding NTA from a pure blood New Yorker.

[Reddit User] - NTA. I can’t fault people for not doing the 100% correct thing when confronted by a random crazy person.

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jcaashby - NTA. That girl has some real issues. Even if your BF was a true celeb it doesnt justify her actions. Yall went beyond the time you give to a stranger. And the fact she came back. I would not have grabbed her phone but I would have sure made it clear and LOUD that she needs to 'back the f**k off!!' (when she came back 10 minutes later)

From cheering her stand to criticizing her outburst, these comments fuel the debate. But do they offer clarity or just stoke the fire?

This tale of a phone snatch and shouting match over a fan’s overreach shows how public life tests personal boundaries. The woman’s stand protected her night but stirred controversy. Could a calmer approach or staff intervention have saved the evening? What would you do when a stranger crosses your line? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep this lively debate sizzling!

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