AITA For telling my husband he deserved to be called an i**ot by my sister for what he told her kids during Thanksgiving dinner?

The Thanksgiving table was set for warmth and togetherness, but one man’s words turned a family gathering into a battlefield of raw emotions. In a cozy dining room filled with the scent of roasted turkey, a grieving sister and her children faced an unexpected blow. The OP’s husband, with a baffling lack of tact, spoke carelessly about their late father, unraveling the fragile threads of healing. The fallout? Tears, arguments, and a family divided.

The scene was heartbreaking: a sister, still mourning her husband’s recent passing, watched her children crumble under the weight of thoughtless words. Readers can’t help but feel the sting of this moment, wondering how a well-meaning dinner spiraled into chaos. The OP’s loyalty is torn between her sister’s pain and her husband’s defense, leaving us questioning where empathy went wrong.

‘AITA For telling my husband he deserved to be called an i**ot by my sister for what he told her kids during Thanksgiving dinner?’

OOOF, first Thanksgiving without our beloved BIL [Sis' husband 30s, passed away months ago from serious medical condition] He and my sister and their kids used to come spend thanksgiving at my parents house every year.

This year and seeing how sad my sister has been we weren't sure wether she wanted to join us but were surprised when she showed up with her kids while we were about to eat and brought her youngest SIL too. We were happy to see them.

My sister took off her jacket and sat down at the table and we started eating and talking about a bunch of stuff when my husband stopped and casually pointed at the empty chair and said 'Damn, that's where Thomas used to sit wearing that same brown trucker jacket and talk about his plans for the future even when sick' I looked at my sister,

and saw her grudgingly staring at him as he went on to speak to the kids directly asking if they miss daddy and they noded. He then looked at my sister then back at the kids and said 'oh please don't be so sad because Daddy's just gone to sleep just like we all do...except that he won't ever wake up'.

We were all shocked as my niece started crying suddenly and my sister got up from her chair and started unloading on my husband calling him an i**ot and that he should've kept his mouth shut and not talk to the kids like that.

My husband got up from his seat and got into a argument with her and I got involved trying to calm them down but my sister told her SIL to get the kids ready to leave and took her stuff. I tried to follow but she told me to leave her alone I've done enough already (?*).

ADVERTISEMENT

I went back inside and my husband said he was just trying to comfort the kids and didn't understand why she went off on him like that. I was pretty upset and later at night my sister called saying her kids are now traumatized and terrified of sleeping thinking they too won't wake up just like their dad after what my husband told them.

I said oh my God I'm so sorry then literally got into a big argument with him as he tried to say he's the victim and my sister was overstepping by calling him an i**ot and humiliating him infront of the whole family I said he deserved to be called an i**ot and more after the messed up line he told the kids and let him know that he just traumatized his niece and nephew while this whole situation was preventable.

ADVERTISEMENT

He threw his hands up in frustration and took phone and bag and left the apartment after saying we were all being too much and unfair to him over an innocent attempt to comfort the kids.. He thinks I should be with not against him.

Context: and in case it's relevent, My husband has always disliked my BIL and they were never close that is why I was dumbfounded when he mentioned him at the table. Most of my family are saying he did it to be malicious but he says they're wrong and need to get over themselves. He even said he'd return the similar gifts my BIL used to get for the kids on Christmas after this.

ADVERTISEMENT

This Thanksgiving debacle is a stark reminder that words can wound as deeply as actions. The OP’s husband’s comments, whether clueless or cruel, struck at the heart of a grieving family. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, “Empathy is the cornerstone of healthy communication, especially in moments of vulnerability” . His words highlight the husband’s failure to read the room, prioritizing his narrative over the children’s emotional safety.

The OP’s husband insists he meant to comfort, but his approach—evoking the late father’s absence directly to the kids—shows a profound misstep. Grief experts note that children process loss differently; direct references to death can amplify fear, as seen in the niece’s tears. The sister’s reaction, while sharp, stems from a protective instinct, justified by the husband’s insensitivity. His dislike for the BIL, revealed later, adds a layer of suspicion to his motives.

This situation reflects a broader issue: navigating grief within families. A 2021 study from the American Psychological Association found that 60% of grieving individuals report strained family dynamics due to miscommunication . The husband’s refusal to acknowledge his error mirrors a common pitfall—defensiveness over accountability. For the OP, supporting her sister while addressing her husband’s behavior is key. Experts suggest open dialogue, perhaps with a mediator, to rebuild trust. The husband should apologize sincerely, focusing on the children’s well-being, to mend the rift.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out fiery takes like a potluck of spicy opinions. From calling the husband out for his lack of tact to questioning his intentions, the comments were a rollercoaster of support and shade. Here’s what they had to say:

ADVERTISEMENT

Lauralai_22 − NTA.. But your husband……is a huge. F**KING. A**HOLE.. How the F**K was he “comforting” those kids? Why are you with this guy? I lost my mother when I was ten. It f**king sucked. If someone would have said something like that to me about my dead parent like your husband did to those kids, I’d have spat in his face. Shameful.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Husband is a**hole. At first I thought: okay he messed up, but it was a genuine mistake, we all make mistakes and sometimes misunderstand how to act socially. Then we came to the part where he’s making himself into a victim. Does he often do this in arguments? Turn things after he’s done wrong, so that you end up apologising?

Darkingnight − NTA obviously. Your husband.... is either VERY VERY stupid. With good intentions but absolutely NOTHING going on between his ears when he opens his mouth.. OR. He is a massive AH on a colossal scale. Dwarfing, in magnitude, most modern day assholes by a degree unheard of in most circles.. OR Worse he's both. I'm sorry if this is the case :/

ADVERTISEMENT

pinkstarburst757 − Nta. There are only two reasonable explanations here: 1) your husband is a i**ot with zero social skills. 2) your husband is a malicious a**hole who took his dislike of a dead man out on children. I don't know your husband but you have to be a pretty big moron for it not to have been intentionally done.

genus-corvidae − Unless you're willing to lose your sister and the rest of the family, you need to either get your husband to apologize and see what he did wrong or leave him. You may think that it's not malicious, but you're absolutely wrong--he didn't like your BIL,

he made the choice to drag his memory through the mud.. Do not let him buy the gifts BIL would have bought. That's creepy as fck. **He needs to apologize.**. NTA for telling him he deserved it. You're an a**hole for choosing to defend him here, though.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA. how he doesn't understand he should have kept his mouth shut is beyond me. They do NOT need to be reminded, let alone does he need to tell the kids such things! And for him to leave? OMG...

mighty_kaytor − Reading this made me say 'OH MY GAAAAAWD, what a stupid man!' out loud. That poor family. NTA

sendddogpixx − NTA. Honestly, he better have some extremely redeeming characteristics if you’re willing to keep someone like that around. You do not owe undying loyalty to your partner when they’ve clearly crossed multiple lines.. You guys aren’t being “too much”. He is.. Please send your sister my condolences and love.

ADVERTISEMENT

dragonfliesloveme − \ He even said he'd return the similar gifts my BIL used to get for the kids on Christmas after this.. Wait, what? Nobody in the comments is talking about this. So after he already hurt the kids, he’s going to double down and nix their Christmas gifts that would have normally come from their father?

More likely, he is using this as a threat against *you* in order to get you to comply to his s**tty behavior. This is EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL and emotional abuse (which we see he has already inflicted onto the kids). You are not immune from his desire to inflict emotional pain on others. People who derive pleasure from inflicting pain on others are called sadists.

Unsolicited advice is to remove people who would hurt you and those you love from your life.You are NTA is this particular situation, but the situation derived from the fact that you have him around. Willing to bet he love-bombed you when you first got together, you are seeing his true nature now.

ADVERTISEMENT

Admirable-Ad7152 − Yourr married to a guy who is willing to traumatize children that are already traumatized from losing a parent because he didn't like their dead dad.. Have fun with that.. NTA but you are if you drop this to make him happy. Your sister deserves better. ETA don't forget he also wanted to spite your sister by using her dead husband. Like what is this guy, are you married to satan?

These Redditors brought the heat, rallying behind the OP’s sister while side-eyeing the husband’s excuses. But do their fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the drama?

This Thanksgiving tale is a gut-punch, exposing how a single misstep can ripple through a family. The OP stands at a crossroads, balancing loyalty to her sister and her husband’s fragile ego. While the husband’s words may not have been malicious, their impact was undeniable, leaving young hearts shaken. Navigating grief demands sensitivity, something this dinner sorely lacked. What would you do if you were caught in this family storm? Share your thoughts and experiences below.

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *