AITA for threatening to call the cops if my son’s step-dad drives his car?

Imagine a dad, proud as punch, handing his 16-year-old son, Andy, the keys to a sleek 2021 Mazda SUV—top safety ratings, perfect for zipping to private school. With a high-flying job, he foots the bill for the car, insurance, and upkeep, keeping the title in his name till Andy’s 18. Co-parenting with Andy’s mom, Eliza, and her husband, Scott, is a minefield, but this ride was meant to smooth things out. Until spring break, when the wheels come off—literally.

Dropping off model paints at Eliza’s, Dad’s gut twists: Andy’s car is gone. Turns out, Scott’s been joyriding it while Andy’s grounded, ignoring Dad’s “Andy-only” rule. A second sneak sparks a fiery call—return it, or face the cops! Scott screeches back just in time, but the fallout’s fierce. Was Dad’s threat a clutch save or an overdrive? Buckle up for this co-parenting clash!

‘AITA for threatening to call the cops if my son’s step-dad drives his car?’

This tale of car keys and custody crackles with tension, blending parental pride with boundary battles. Here’s the original Reddit post, revving up the full story of this driveway drama:

I share custody of my son Andy (M16) with his mother Eliza. Eliza is married to Scott, who had 3 kids and they have had 3 more together – so a total of 6 kids (7 the weeks Andy is with them). Eliza and I (and Scott – who won’t stay out of it) have constant conflict over Andy. I have a good job with a high salary at my family’s company. Eliza and Scott do not make a lot of money.

To be honest – I have no idea how they make it on what they earn with such a large family, but as long as Andy is taken care of I know it’s not my business. We ended up in court over whether Andy was to attend private school and I won, but in addition to paying for the school I also had to be the one to provide transportation to and from school.

So I was relieved when Andy became old enough to drive and helped him get his license as soon as he could. I bought him a car – a 2021 Mazda SUV. I am aware that a 16 year old does not need a new car but it had one of the highest safety ratings around and, quite frankly, I can afford it. Eliza and Scott told me I was being a pretentious p**ck.

I paid for the car and it is in my name until Andy turns 18. I also pay for the upkeep of the car and insurance. Andy pays for gas. Neither Eliza nor Scott pays a dime toward the car. Last week Andy was on spring break so he wasn’t in school. He called me to ask if I could bring over some model paints he had left at my house. I asked him why he didn’t drive over and get them and learned that he was being punished and not allowed to drive.

I drove over to drop off the supplies and when I get there his car wasn’t in its usual spot. I asked Andy where his car was and was told that Scott had driven it to work. I told Andy that he wasn’t allowed to have anyone else drive the car, but Andy said that Scott didn’t ask – he just took the keys. I was not a happy camper.

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When I bought the car for Andy, I had the conversation with Scott/Eliza that no one besides Andy was to drive the car. Eliza told me that their car wasn’t working and I replied that they are not to drive Andy’s car. Eliza gave me her usual rolled eyes. The next day I purposefully drove by and saw the car was not in the driveway.

I called Andy and asked him if Scott had taken the car again and he said yes. I called Eliza and told her that she 1 hour to get Andy’s car back in the driveway or I was calling the police and reporting it stolen. She yelled at me but when she realized I wasn’t backing down called Scott to bring the car back.

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He did – making it 10 minutes before I would have called the police – and he yelled at me about making him miss work and therefore lose pay. I told him I didn’t care and if I found out he had done it again I wouldn’t bother giving him a warning, I would just call the cops. Both Eliza and Scott are furious with me and even Andy thinks I went too far. So I am here to get an unbiased opinion. AITA?

This car caper roars with defiance—Scott snags Andy’s SUV, Dad threatens a police report, and everyone’s left spinning! Dad’s protective, footing the bill for a safe ride, but Scott’s unauthorized drives burn rubber on clear rules. Eliza’s eye-rolls and Scott’s work-loss gripes fuel a messy co-parenting pile-up.

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Scott’s move risks liability—Dad’s on the hook if he crashes. Eliza’s silence hints at enabling, while Andy’s caught in the crossfire, maybe punished to free the car. Co-parenting’s tough; a 2023 Pew study shows 48% of split parents clash over kid resources (Source).

Family therapist Dr. Susan Heitler says, “Clear agreements, not assumptions, steer co-parenting smoothly” (Source). Heitler’s advice fits—Dad’s rule was ignored, but a calmer chat might’ve braked the drama. Try a written car-use deal, lock keys at Dad’s when Andy’s grounded.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit crew roared in like a pit crew, slinging sharp takes and a splash of sass—here’s the hottest from the lot, served with a cheeky grin:

unstablechickenshit − NTA.. I bet he wasn't allowed to drive just so Scott could drive it to work.. EDIT: Thanks for all the awards and upvotes everyone!

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[Reddit User] − NTA. It’s a huge liability for you if Scott has an accident in that car. But aside from that they have no business touching a car they’ve contributed nothing to.. They sound super entitled and awful. I would be concerned that they were drumming up punishments for Andy in order to ground him from his car so they could use it. You should talk to your son about this.

HogwartsAlumni25 − NTA- But I am curious as to why your son was punished and told that he couldn't drive the car. I'm wondering if they did is purposely so that Scott could drive the car. Did your son say what happened? Also how long is the punishment? Is he gonna be able to drive the car to school when school resumes? If not are they going to drive him?

Kirin2013 − NTA in the slightest. S**ew Scott, it's not his car to use as he pleases. Edited to add: I probably wouldn't have called you T.A.H even if you HAD called the cops when he took it the first day. I don't get the entitlement to property that wasn't his. If he needed a ride to work, he could have asked your son to take him and pick him up. What if he wrecked the Car, damn sure know he wouldn't have paid to fix it.

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AbbyFB6969 − NTA. Gee, What a coincidence your boy gets his privileges revoked during spring break when he doesn't need it! Well, I guess Scott has no choice but to drive it!

Tell Andy to keep you informed of when his driving privileges are 'revoked'. My guess is there will be no revoking during school days he stays with them, if he does stay during, as that would mean they would be responsible for transport.. If he gets 'revoked' again, have the car towed to your home until he gets privileges again.

UnderbridgeTollman − NTA. You handled it perfectly. Can they revoke driving privileges when he's with them? Absolutely. That does not mean anyone else gets to drive the car, it's your's and they can get over it. Your ex and her husband are not entitled to use the car.

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captgabesparrow − NTA, it's your property that you bought for your son and Scott stole it. You told them not to, you reminded them and then they did it again. What would have happened if Scott crashed it? Would they have covered the repair? From the fact that they can't even keep their own car running its safe to assume that they wouldn't.

Your son is dealing with the consequences of this which sucks for him but he and you will only have to put up with this kind of crap for another couple years and asserting your property rights was the appropriate course of action here before it became a much bigger issue.

SupaTheBaked − NTA you bought the car and they don't seem like the type to pony up if something happens.

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ExercisePleasant5606 − NTA- your car, your rules. It’s as simple as that. Your ex is just being rude and disrespectful.

shzan1 − NTA. It’s your car. If Andy is grounded / the car is not in use he is to tell you and possibly leave the car at your house and you / his mom can do the drop off and pick ups until he’s ungrounded.

And let him know in general the consequences of someone else driving a car they’re not insured for. Andy’s a big kid, he should know about accidents, insurance and cost of repair and that is why no one is allowed to drive it besides you and him.

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These Reddit tire-burners screech loud, but do they map the road? Was Dad’s cop threat a green light or a red flag?

From a shiny SUV gift to a stepdad’s sneaky drives, this saga races through trust, rules, and a dad’s fierce stand. Scott’s joyrides, Eliza’s shrugs, and Andy’s punishment swirl into a co-parenting crash, with a police threat as the emergency brake. Dad’s guarding his son’s ride, but the fallout’s got everyone rattled—even Andy. Was his ultimatum a slick maneuver or a skid off track? The road’s still bumpy. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Drop your thoughts, quips, or co-parenting pit stops in the comments—let’s navigate this mess together!

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