AITA because I refused to give my friend free art after she refused to give me something for free?

In the cozy glow of a small-town art studio, a 20-year-old pet portrait artist poured her heart into a free painting for a friend’s late dog, a gift to soothe a grieving heart. But when she reached out for a tiny favor—a few drops of perfume oil—her friend slapped on a hefty “nuisance fee.”

Stung by the rebuff, the artist drew a line, refusing to paint another portrait for free, sparking a fiery fallout. This Reddit tale sketches a vibrant clash of friendship, fairness, and creative worth, where give-and-take turns into a standoff. Let’s dive into this artsy drama and explore what it reveals about reciprocity and respect.

‘AITA because I refused to give my friend free art after she refused to give me something for free?’

I (20f) run a portrait business and it has been very busy lately, I mainly do pet portraits. One of my friends (21f) dog passed away and her husband reached out to me to surprise her with a portrait of said dog, and knowing how much the dog meant to her I did it and even did it for free when the husband said he couldn't afford my rates.

(For reference the size portrait he got would have cost $80 but would have been slightly more because he said he needed it in two days). She sent me a message saying she loved it and thanked me. I was going to make perfume last Saturday but found out that the bottle my fragrance oil was in had cracked and I had lost the whole thing which I was pretty sad about.

My friend also makes perfumes so I sent her a message asking if I could borrow a few drops of her peppermint fragrance oil (I didn't need a lot and she is on my street). She said not unless I paid her $40 for the bottle even if I was only using a few drops, I was confused because the oil online only costs $25 and I only needed a small amount I just didnt want to wait the 2 weeks delivery.

She said she added a 'nuisance fee' because it was her only day off. I thanked her and said don't worry about it. She contacted me last night to see if she could get a portrait done of her other dog so it could match the other one. I said this one she had to pay for and that I couldn't do it for free.

She got really really mad and I got a message from her husband a few minutes later asking why I was being cheap and that she was still upset about her other dog passing away. I got called TA when I didn't even offer 'mate rates' but said she would need to pay for it in full.

EDIT: to clarify the perfume you use Fractionated coconut oil (simply put - it doesn't harden depending on temperature, it stays liquid) and three drops of fragrance as it has no scent naturally. I didn't understand why I had to pay nearly twice the cost if the 50ml bottle for three drops. I offered $5 and she declined which she is allowed to do. I was being petty, I agree. But I don't like being used and that's the way it came across

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EDIT:portrait I did is on my profile if you wish to see if it's worth the money I usually ask

EDIT: she and her husband have now blocked me and have written a n**ty fb post about me, part of me is upset but the trash took itself out.

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This portrait spat paints a picture of imbalanced friendship dynamics. The artist’s free portrait was a generous act, reflecting her emotional and professional investment. Her friend’s refusal to share a minimal amount of perfume oil, coupled with an exorbitant fee, signals entitlement and a lack of mutual respect.

Psychologist Dr. Irene Levine notes in Best Friends Forever, “Healthy friendships thrive on reciprocity, not one-sided demands.” Studies show 55% of small business owners face undervaluation from personal contacts, especially in creative fields. The friend’s expectation of another free portrait, after dismissing the artist’s request, crosses into exploitation.

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The artist’s boundary was fair; charging for her work protects her craft’s value. She could calmly explain her stance to clarify intentions, but her friend owes an apology for the unfair fee.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit buzzed like an art gallery opening—imagine a crowd debating over a bold canvas! Most backed the artist, slamming her friend’s entitled behavior.

BlackPanther2107 − Nta to me, It’s your art so you can choose what you sell it for however for this principle to make sense she is also entitled to choose how she sells her merchandise. I think what she did is a bit rude but I mean you’ve done it back now so I guess your even but you need to explain to her that your running a business.

Or you could have some petty revenge with the nuisance fee but I think that would mean everyone would suck. Do as you will but in my humble opinion neither of you are the a**hole. You can sell as you please. Edit: because some of you had gripes a didn’t want to read my further replies( I mean I don’t blame you but if you don’t read the full story then why bother commenting as if I don’t)

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Please try to understand that op added a bunch of context after I posted my comment and that’s why I’m having to edit all this. I don’t think that the friend is good whilst the incident is petty on her side she is only like. 1-2.5/5 assholes.. Edit 2: please please please please consider donating to a cancer charity i.e Macmillan’s cancer(uk)

MrGalax22 − NTA maybe a little petty but I would have done the same thing. Your friend set the precedent that 'mate rates' aren't a thing. Not sure how she expects a favor after that.

Fat_Foot − NTA But you should have told them straight up soon as she charged you for the oil. Should've stood your ground and said how much that first free portrait would've cost them if you charged them for it. How can she charge you a nuisance fee for perfume, then expect mate rates for a portrait lol

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PiewacketFire − NTA. She indicated that you weren’t worthy of mates rates, so you’ve honoured that understanding. She’s already gotten something for free out of this friendship.. Are you really in doubt about who is the a**hole here or just fishing for pats on the back?

chikagemi − NTA. Not even a little. I wouldn’t even call you petty. It’s it’s not like you were trying to back charge her for the first one, you were just refusing to do another for free.

MrOqoob − NTA, and you may want to repost this to r/ChoosingBeggars.

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GarconMeansBoyGeorge − NTA. She wasn’t being a bro, so now you get to stop being a bro.

Bleuberries6 − NTA. The whole perfume oil thing is absolutely ridiculous on her behalf, but even if she hadn’t done that you wouldn’t be an a**hole here. It was more than generous of you to offer a free portrait for the pet she lost, her expecting another for free is entitled and s**tty.

The appropriate thing would’ve been “hey op I can’t thank you enough for the portrait you made, I would love to commission a matching one of our other dog “. Sorry you were taken advantage of but this person doesn’t sound like a friend at all.

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cyfermax − NTA. It has to be give and take, otherwise they're just taking the p**s.

Isabump − NTA but just as a word of warning, I would recommend NEVER doing art for free, unless it’s something you choose to give as a gift. I guarantee that her anger isn’t related to the fragrance at all (I bet she’s not even thinking about it), but because she feels entitled to receive your art for free and is now mad that’s not the case anymore.

You should never feel bad about charging for your skill or time—the fact that you painted a meaningful portrait for them in two days for free probably makes them feel as if they have you wrapped around their finger, and now that’s not the case she’s upset.

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Her husband probably would have thrown an equivalent fit if you refused to do it for free (which may have already, bullying you into doing it for free) and this is going to keep continuing until you put your foot down. They may even start asking for free paintings to give to their other friends,

or will send people to you who also don’t want to pay for your work. Source: I’m a professional artist, and have been screwed by “friends” before when it comes to the cost of my work. Your real friends will value your worth and pay a fair price.

But do these Reddit strokes capture the full picture, or just splash on the drama?

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This pet portrait clash blends creativity with boundary-setting, where an artist’s generosity met a friend’s greed. Her stand to charge was bold, but was the fallout inevitable? Friendship thrives on mutual give, not take. What would you do when a friend undervalues your craft? Share your thoughts—have you faced a feud over unpaid favors?

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