WIBTA if I reveal that I know about our family secret?

Jonathan Hours
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Imagine a 21-year-old guy, eagerly digging into his family tree, hoping to gift his parents a legacy masterpiece. With every click, the past unravels—until a jaw-dropping birth record screeches his search to a halt: his 34-year-old “sister” listed as a 13-year-old mom, the baby’s birthdate matching his own! Suddenly, his loving parents and sister might be his grandparents and mother, hiding a tender truth.

His heart races with questions, but love anchors him. This tight-knit family showered him with support, yet the secret looms like a shadow. Will spilling his find bring clarity or stir pain? Buckle up for a ride through doubt, care, and a quest for roots—where one click might rewrite a family’s story!

‘WIBTA if I reveal that I know about our family secret?’

My family consists of myself (21M), my sister (34F), and my parents (61M and 55F). I thought it would be cool to research our family tree to see how far back I could get and possibly create a gift to give to my parents. While researching I came across a suspicious birth record. 21 years ago on my exact date of birth a 13 year old female with my sister's name gave birth to a boy.

The records are from a state where my parents have occasionally mentioned having lived before I was born. Now I'll admit it's possible that this is just a huge coincidence, but with everything lining up so perfectly I have a strong suspicion that my 'sister' is actually my birth mother and that my 'parents' are my grandparents who opted to take the parental role and raise us as siblings.

My family have shown me nothing but the greatest love and support that anyone could ever ask for. If all of this is true I don't want to do anything that would massively change or damage my relationship with them. I don't believe that my perception would change but I'm worried that me knowing might cause them feelings of embarrassment or shame?

I don't know if those are the right words to describe it but I doubt it would be a positive reaction. I've talked about it with one friend and they think I should tell them, if only so that my family doesn't have to keep their guards up about the story around me or for the possibility that they could even disprove my wild claims. I'm still really feeling conflicted about the whole thing. WIBTA if I tell my family what I found?

Stumbling on a birth record that flips your family tree upside down is a delicate twist. This 21-year-old’s hunch—his “sister” as his mom, his “parents” as grandparents—stirs a mix of curiosity and caution. His family’s love shines, but a 13-year-old’s pregnancy hints at a complex past, possibly tough for all involved. Both sides weigh heavy: his right to truth versus their potential pain or shame.

This ties to a broader issue: family secrets and identity. A 2020 study in Family Relations found 30% of families hide origins like adoptions or teen births, often to shield kids or cope with trauma (source). Sensitivity is key here.

Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, advises, “Approach family secrets with empathy—start with a private, calm talk, asking open questions to honor their story” (source). Her wisdom fits: a gentle chat with “Mom” could clarify, respecting possible past pain—perhaps a teen misstep or trauma.

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Tread lightly—start with one parent, listen more than speak. If true, embrace the love that’s held strong.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit revved up with heartfelt, witty takes—cautious cheers and sage nudges for our family-tree sleuth! From gentle approaches to trauma warnings, the crowd’s got thoughts. Dive into the highlights.

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whyamisoawesome9 − NAH. Having a record of the birth however does not give you details of the conception, which could simply be a 13 year old with poor judgment, or it could potentially be an horrific thing that happened to your sister.

I would suggest approaching the subject calmly, with your mum only and saying that you were researching family history and came across an interesting birth record that doesn't make sense to you. Let her guide how the conversation goes from there.

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I saw another poster suggesting talking to your sister, I like that idea if she made a poor decision, but if it was something more sinister then that could potentially end badly.. Either way, your parents are amazing, and how great to have a fantastic sister

hannahmontanaswig − NAH but be VERY careful how you approach this. There's a factor here that I haven't seen many other people mentioning -- if your sister really is your biological mother, then she had you at 13. That is INSANELY young and raises a lot of red flags; and I'm sorry to say but your conception may not have been a consensual affair.

Your 'sister' may have trauma related to this incident and there may be a lot more to this than you realize. She may have just been a naive teenager that had s** too young with her boyfriend, but she could also have been raped. The only way to know for sure is to have an open and honest conversation about it.

From what you wrote it sounds like your family is kind and understanding so hopefully you're able to talk to them openly about this. You definitely are within your rights to know the truth, but be prepared if it is not a happy story to hear.

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cr0wsb4br0s − NTA, but if your sister had you at 13 no matter the cause it was probably pretty traumatic for her. If you decide to move forward with this line of questioning please be very gentle with her.

Anggroth − NAH - in fact you all sound like great people. You do need to reveal this otherwise you're going to be wondering forever and that could cause issues in your relationships with your family. It may be worth quietly discussing it with your parents before your sister, you have no idea about the circumstances that lead to a 12/13 year old falling pregnant and it may be worth finding out before bringing this up to her.. Hope everything works out for you.

[Reddit User] − NAH. Wow. You’re one hundred percent NTA, but I also won’t call two parents who were open to raising their grandchild as their son assholes either. This is entirely up to you what you do with this information. It’s info about your family and heritage and if you’re curious or want to know, you’re well within your rights to ask.. If it’s just a coincidence it’ll be a funny story to tell years down the line.. Do whatever you want with the info man.

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I_dontknowbro − NTA, but I'd suggest mentioning that you found that to your parents, and seeing their reaction, if they tell you, they want you to know. If they don't, just leave it. At 13, there must have been something that happened, that your sister probably doesn't want to remember.

somedayillfindthis − NAH. You would have to talk very gently with your sister/mom alone. She might have been raped, maybe even by a person you know. Don't involve your parents first since for all you know, they might have caused this trauma for her.

bingo-dingo333 − NAH I think people would love to hear an update on what you decide and if you choose to talk to them, I think people will want to know how it goes, best of luck dude

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jrmiv4 − NTA. By the way, in case you didn't know, this also happened to Jack Nicholson. He didn't find out until after his sister's (mother's) death. His conclusion was 'reality is not open to interpretation' - i.e., he accepted it as what it was, - the truth, without issues.

[Reddit User] − NAH However if you were to bring the conversation up I think you should talk to your parents first rather than your sister. Something tragic could have happened and your parents would be a lot calmer in dealing with the situation.

I would talk one on one with one parent and address what you found, try and be calm and just have an adult conversation about it. If the conversation goes well, then talk to your sister (potential mother) but I would just be sensible about the situation because there may have been a tragic reason behind the cover up.

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These are Reddit’s raw gems, but do they nail it? Is silence golden, or truth the key?

Our 21-year-old’s genealogy quest veered into a family secret, landing him at a crossroads: speak up or stay quiet? With love as the glue, he leans toward a soft chat with “Mom,” hoping for truth without turmoil. Reddit rallies for care and candor, but the path’s his to pave. What would you do if a record rewrote your roots? Share your insights, feelings, or wild family tales below—let’s unravel this together!

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