AITA for telling my youngest daughter that I cannot give her away at her wedding?

Venus Hours
Comments 0 Comments

Picture a family torn by rivalry: two sisters, once close, now worlds apart, and a dad caught in the crossfire. Anna, the elder, and Carly, the younger, drifted as teens—jealousy flared when Carly aced life, landing a full ride to Anna’s dream college. Fast forward, Anna’s a struggling single mom, while Carly’s thriving, planning a 2022 wedding. Dad’s heart swelled when Carly asked him to walk her down the aisle, but Anna’s meltdown—demanding he skip it or lose contact with her and her son—flipped the script.

Now, this dad’s in a pickle, torn between a grandchild’s needs and a bride’s big day. He tried to compromise, but Carly laughed, uninviting him. The Reddit crowd’s roaring—some sling shame, others see manipulation. Grab a seat as we untangle this messy family saga, where love, loyalty, and a little drama collide!

‘AITA for telling my youngest daughter that I cannot give her away at her wedding?’

Long backstory: I have 2 daughters, Anna (elder)and Carly (younger) who are a year apart. Carly and Anna were close when they were younger but drifted apart in their teenage years. I think she started resenting Carly because Carly always seemed to do well, academically and socially.

Anna decided to take loans and go to a college she wasn't really a fan of. Carly got a full ride to Anna's dream college. Anna became very resentful after that. She was sure that Carly chose that college to rub it in Anna's face.

I tried my best to accommodate them both. Anna refused to talk to Carly and didn't consent to any form of therapy. Carly refused to compromise as Anna kept being unreasonable. In the end, they both stopped talking to each other.

Neither of them has ever asked me to choose between them. As long as I don't bring up the other or try to get them to reconcile, I have a good relationship with both of them. Now: Anna is a single mom with a 3 year old kid (Alex) who is always in between jobs and in debt. Me and my now-wife help out when we can, she recieves a bit of child support but I have to admit that she is struggling.

Carly on the other hand, lives comfortably, has an incredible job and is living with her long term boyfriend. Recently Carly announced that her boyfriend proposes and that she wants to plan a wedding in 2022. She asked me to walk her down the isle and I may have cried a bit.

However, Anna found out and then she came over to my house and had a breakdown (?) about how she always thought she would be the first to get married in the family and she has always wanted me to give her away first.

ADVERTISEMENT

I tried to console her but she ended up getting angry and told me that I should refuse to give away Carly or have a father/daughter dance with her at the wedding. At first, I refused but she then threatened to cut off all contact between her/Alex and us. [If Alex wasn't in the picture, I would have cut Anna off. As things stand, I need to consider Alex's well being].

Carly is staunchly childfree and it is very possible that Alex is going to be my only grandchild. Without my help, Alex's life is just going to be much more harder and I cannot abandon Alex with a good conscience.. While I understood that Carly would be upset, Alex was a child and he is priority.

ADVERTISEMENT

I spoke to Carly, explained the situation. I told her that there was still time and I would figure out a way get Anna to change her mind. If not, I still promised her that I would still be very involved with her wedding except those 2 things.

Carly just laughed and told me not to bother with her anymore and told me she wasn't going to invite me to her wedding. I definitely know that Anna is an a**hole putting me in this position. But AITA for expecting Carly to be more understanding?

ADVERTISEMENT

This family feud is a tangled web of rivalry and tough choices. Dad’s stuck between Anna’s ultimatum and Carly’s milestone, trying to juggle love for both. Anna’s threat to cut off contact—and grandkid Alex—puts pressure on, but bowing to it left Carly feeling sidelined. Did he misstep in hoping she’d bend? Let’s unpack this.

Anna’s resentment, brewing since teen years, drives her demand, while Carly’s success makes her a target. Dad’s caught, prioritizing Alex’s stability over tradition. Family therapist Dr. Susan Heitler notes, “Ultimatums often mask deeper pain—parents must model fairness, not fuel division” (source). Anna’s using Alex as leverage, a classic control move, while Carly’s hurt is valid—dad’s choice stings.

Sibling rivalry’s a big player here. A 2021 study from the American Psychological Association shows 80% of siblings face conflict, often intensified by perceived parental bias (source). Anna’s struggles don’t justify dictating dad’s role; Carly shouldn’t pay for it.

Call Anna’s bluff—her need for support might soften her stance. Show up for Carly’s day, set boundaries with Anna, and talk openly with both. Therapy could help, too.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit posse’s fired up—some toss “YTA” like confetti, others spot a master manipulator in Anna! Here are hot takes from the crowd—bold, blunt, and a sprinkle of savage. Is dad dancing to Anna’s tune, or just guarding his grandson? Dive into these zingers!!

edengonedark − YTA. You're letting your daughter and her selfish wants win. You're not choosing Alex, you're choosing Anna over Carly. Shame on you. If I were you, I'd call Anna's bluff. She sounds like she's not doing too hot in life. My guess is she'd go no contact for a week before realizing she needs all the support she can get.

mibunoookami − YTA - holy s**t are you the a**hole. Your oldest child has been an abusive monster to your younger daughter for the better part of her life, and as you've described it here, you've been complicit in it.

ADVERTISEMENT

The fact that you would even remotely entertain Anna's insane demand, grandchild or no, shows how unsupportive you've been. If you want any hope of keeping Carly in your life, tell Anna she's being ridiculous and you're not going to allow her to dictate the terms of your relationship with Carly.. Jesus christ, I can't believe you need someone to tell you this.

mck1519 − YTA 100% “Neither of them has ever asked me to choose between them” well Anna just asked and you gave into her immediately. You just chose your overly jealous daughter over what...

the one that was more successful? Carly is being punished because she was better in school, more social, etc? How is that fair? And using your reasoning as Carly will never give you grandchildren, is that the price of love to you?

ADVERTISEMENT

It sounds like Anna has been throwing herself a pity party because she doesn’t want to come to terms with the fact that she is different than her sister, not worse or better, but different and you just validated her not coming to terms with that. I’m glad Carly uninvited you from the wedding, who treats their daughter like that and still expects to be in their life?

AproposofAll − YTA. It is not your job to mediate their adult relationship but it is your job to set boundaries with your children. Your older child just set her boundary with you,that you will not do anything for your younger child that she does not approve of or that she will use her child to punish you.

you have decided to abide by it. It sounds as though your younger daughter is ending her relationship with you and that is something that you will have to live with for the rest of your life.

ADVERTISEMENT

Because chances are good that your older daughter, needing as much of your help as she does to raise her child, would not have cut you off forever Over something that is in no way harming her child. the younger daughter who does not need that kind of assistance from you was in your life because she loved you.

WebbieVanderquack − YTA. You're not going to give Carly away because you Anna 'thought she would be the first to get married in the family and she has always wanted me to give her away first?' That's selfish and illogical.

The reason Anna is so difficult is because you've enabled her to be difficult, and affirmed every bad attitude she's developed over the years. Of course you're an AH for 'expecting Carly to be more understanding.'

ADVERTISEMENT

Carly understands the situation better than you do. You've chosen one daughter over another, so I hope you're happy with that decision, because the consequences are going to be with you and your family for a long time to come.

erstwhile02 − YTA. Good luck salvaging your relationship with Carly. Her laughing over your response makes me think you've been bending to Anna's demands frequently over the years and taking the easy out.

You have your priorities all skewed. Your grandson is not your responsibility. He is Anna's. She manipulated you into taking care of him. The second you do anything she doesn't like, she'll cut you off. You ready to do this for the rest of your life? She has you right where she wants you. Dance, puppet. Dance!

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − YTA your negotiating with a terrorist. Anna has completely unrealistic expectations. You have two daughters, be a father to both.

AmethysstFire − Yep, YTA. You just told Carly, by your actions, that Anna is more important to you. Anna also played you, hard, and you fell for it. 'If you walk Carly down the aisle you won't see me or Alex again!' What a loaded ultimatum. I hope you realize that Anna is being manipulative, and using Alex as a pawn to use you *and* exact revenge against Carly.

CuriosiT38 − YTA for kowtowing to the unreasonable daughter here. Your place is to be supporting and loving to both children despite the sibling rivalry and you are refusing to engage in traditional fatherly things with one daughter to appease the other, not cool.

ADVERTISEMENT

The fact that Anna has a child or doesn't should not affect your equal treatment of both children. Her holding a grandchild hostage says everything about her, not you.

CieloCiel1234 − YTA - definitely the a**hole. In your own words you try to accommodate them both but the way I see it, when you refuse to take a stand in this obviously toxic sibling rivalry, you basically enable Anna to continue behaving the way she did.

It was your job as a parent to upbring your own children properly and educate how they should get along with their sibling. Have you done that with Anna? I don't think so. Carly has done nothing wrong over here

ADVERTISEMENT

and now because she happens to work harder, got a full ride to college, made a good life out of herself, her own dad is telling her he won't walk her down the aisle and do a father daughter dance with her?

Shame on you seriously, what kind of a message are you even passing on? I'm so not surprised that Carly decided not to invite you to her wedding, and you don't get to harp about how SHE should have been more understanding.

She clearly had to put up with alot over the years and with you not doing anything at all to mitigate the situation over the years, you really have no one to blame but yourself.. In fact, I'd applaud Carly for taking a stand finally on your b**lshit.

ADVERTISEMENT

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they nail it? Maybe Anna’s got him on a string, or perhaps a heart-to-heart could untie this knot.

This saga of sisters, ultimatums, and a wedding walk leaves us reeling. Dad’s heart’s in a tug-of-war—Anna’s grip via Alex clashed with Carly’s rightful day, and his compromise flopped. Fairness, not favor, could’ve smoothed this mess—call out manipulation, step up for both girls, and the aisle might still shine. He’s not all wrong, but expecting Carly to grin and bear it? Tough sell. What would you do if one kid held the other’s big day hostage? Share your take—how do you juggle family loyalty when rivalry runs deep?

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *