AITA for yelling at my friend because she revealed the paternity of my son to his biological father and his family after I asked her not to?

Imagine a quiet life with a toddler, a delicate balance held by a private pact: a mom, 28, raises her 2-year-old alone, her ex pitching in cash but ducking dad duties by choice. She confides in Nancy, a best friend tied to her ex’s clan, swearing her to silence about the boy’s paternity—only her family knew. Trust seemed solid, like a locked diary, until Nancy flung the pages wide, spilling the secret not just to the ex, but his whole influential family, igniting a firestorm.

Now, lawyers loom, threatening to snatch her son, and panic grips her heart. Furious, she unleashes a yell-fest at Nancy, words blazing, calling her out for shattering her world. Nancy’s sorry, but friends cry “too harsh.” Readers, can you feel the sting of betrayal, the dread of loss? Was she wrong to erupt? Let’s dive into this mess!

‘AITA for yelling at my friend because she revealed the paternity of my son to his biological father and his family after I asked her not to?’

I have a 2-year-old son with my ex. He was honest and told me he didn’t want to be a dad and that he believed he was too selfish to be a good one. I didn’t want an a**rtion and he said he wouldn’t force me to get one so we came to an agreement, I would have the baby and he would help me financially but I wouldn’t expect anything else from him.

My friend Nancy, who is a close family friend of my ex’s, recently wouldn’t stop asking me if my ex was my son’s father since he looks like him. Only my family know he is, and I wasn’t going to tell her at first but Nancy is one of my best friends and I thought I could trust her. I asked her not to tell anyone as I didn't want it to be public knowledge.

Despite agreeing not to, she ended up telling not only my ex about me supposedly hiding his baby from him, but also his entire family. It’s caused a lot of issues and my ex’s family have a lawyer threatening to take my son away from me. My ex’s family are influential and I can’t afford to fight them in court so I’m genuinely terrified of them.

Nancy tried to apologise to me after my ex told her he had always known about our son. I was so angry and upset that I just yelled at her until she left. I told her she was a b**ch and that she had ruined my life. Nancy has been getting sympathy from some of our mutual friends who think I was too harsh since she thought she was doing the right thing by telling my ex, who is like family to her, that he had a child.. AITA?

Trust crumbles fast when a friend turns tale-teller, and this mom’s saga is a heart-wrencher. She and her ex forged a deal—financial help, no fatherly role—keeping their son’s roots quiet. Nancy, a close pal, swore secrecy, yet blabbed to the ex and his powerful family, sparking chaos and legal threats. The mom’s fiery outburst at Nancy—calling her a life-ruiner—flows from fear and fury, though some pals see it as overkill.

Betrayal stings: 62% of people report a friend breaking confidence, per a 2023 YouGov poll (source: yougov.com). Dr. Jan Yager, a friendship expert, notes in a 2024 article, “Trust is the bedrock of friendship; violating it, especially on sensitive matters like parenting, fractures bonds” (source: psychologytoday.com). Nancy’s spill, beyond just the ex, fanned drama—her motive unclear, the damage real.

What’s the move? Dr. Yager advises boundaries: cut ties if trust’s gone, and seek legal aid—fast. The ex can clarify his stance to family; sites like Legal Aid (legalaid.org) offer help.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit crew—candid, fierce, and ready to roll! The community weighed in, tossing verdicts on this trust-busting blowout:

Whitestaunton - NTA She didn’t just tell your ex but also his family. She in “knowing best” has potentially created a situation for him and a huge legal issue for you which you not only can’t afford but also could result in you losing custody of your child. Yes you have the right to be angry her interfering could ruin your life.

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apfreckles - NTA at all. You and your ex made a decision between the two of you that you both feel is best for your child and yourselves. If she truly felt concern for your child, and believed you were hiding this child from him she would have only told him, but instead she chose to air your personal situation to his family. Sounds like her goal was to start drama.

You and your ex should go to court ASAP and establish a court ordered arrangement where he agrees to pay child support, and to whatever visitation arrangement you two agree with. The judge does not have to make an arrangement for you if you two can agree to the terms of the parenting plan. This way the family will be less likely to try and take your son (if at all.)

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your ex should also deal with his family in this situation, and explain to them that he already knew and you two already made arrangements. As for the friend, and the rest of the group, I would just send a final text/email that when you confide in someone, their recourse shouldn’t be to expose you to everybody.

When they prove they don’t respect your privacy and violate your trust, you have no need for them in your life any longer.  Express that arrangements had been made between the parents and things were peaceful, but she single handedly brought strife into not only your life but your child’s life as well and that’s not the kind of “friend” or influence you want or need.

She could have asked you if he knew, but chose not to. She could have approached him privately, but chose not to. She wanted to look like a hero for exposing you but there was no good deed done that day.. Edited for spelling.

[Reddit User] - NTA She ran around running her mouth, thinking she was doing the right thing. Did she ask if he knew? Did she approach him on her own? No, she took it to 11. She didn't want to 'do the right thing', she wanted to be *seen* doing the 'right thing'.. You don't need that negativity in your life.

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kirigiriimpact - NTA, your “ friend “ is an absolute a**hole, she should have respected the fact that you didn’t want everyone else to know something personal of yours.

lellyla - NTA some of our mutual friends who think I was too harsh since she thought she was doing the right thing by telling my ex, who is like family to her, that he had a child. She told his family too, not just your ex. She is the AH.

She tricked you into telling her and then told on you and created family drama. She is not your friend. Regarding his family trying to get your son, your ex has to take of that. He didn't wanna be a dad, he knew about the child and it was his business to tell them, not yours (or this 'friend's').

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isabelladangelo - NTA - She broke your trust. I would demand she pay for the lawyer that you will now need thanks to her idiocy.

girl34pp - NTA, but for reference, remember that saying: a secret is only a secret between two people if one of them is dead. For the moment, lawyer up and cut this person and everyone that agrees with her from your life. She already showed you where her loyalty is

RayneBeauRhode - NTA. And now it shows that you can’t trust Nancy. She thinks her heart may have been in the right place but really she just wanted to involve herself and be nosy. But I do have an honest question: Why not also tell her that he already knew? Maybe that would have prevented her from running her mouth. But make no mistake, still not your fault.

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Bozobozo111 - NTA she sold you out.

Every_Caterpillar945 - NTA nancy is not your friend, never was. She is a snake who will backstab you whenever she sees a benefit for herself. In this case she saw a benefit in being the one bringing the 'good news' to the fathers family hoping she will get even closer with them or them owning her a favour now (since they have a lot of influence like you said). She will throw you under every bus as soon there is a chance to earn a nickel from it.

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they hit the mark? Was Nancy a meddler, or the mom too harsh?

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And there’s the messy unraveling—a mom’s quiet pact with her ex, blown apart by a friend’s loose lips, now facing a custody storm from a powerful family! Our Reddit user let fury fly at Nancy, stunned by betrayal, while experts urge protection and Reddit mostly cheers her stand. Trust’s a fragile thread—snap it, and lives wobble, especially with a toddler in tow. Was yelling a misstep, or a fair vent? What would you do if a pal aired your deepest secret? Drop your takes, tales, or tips below—let’s untangle this drama!

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