AITA for refusing to cook my boyfriend and his kid non vegan food?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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Picture a cozy kitchen, the scent of vegan curry wafting through the air, as a woman plates dinner for her boyfriend and his 6-year-old. For this lifelong vegan, cooking plant-based meals is second nature, but her boyfriend’s new push for cow’s milk and butter in their dinners has her drawing a hard line. He claims it’s about nutrition and family bonding, but she’s not budging—her ethics and time aren’t up for grabs. Is she selfish, or protecting her principles?

This Reddit story stirs the pot on love, boundaries, and dinner table debates. With the child happily eating vegan and medical pros giving a thumbs-up, the boyfriend’s insistence on dairy sparks tension in their blended household. Reddit’s serving up spicy takes, so let’s dig into this flavorful clash of values with a dash of humor.

‘AITA for refusing to cook my boyfriend and his kid non vegan food?’

My boyfriend and i live together and he has a 6 year old from a previous relationship. He works until 6:30 every day so i typically make dinner, do all the grocery shopping etc. I ve been vegan my whole life so obviously cook vegan.

His kid has no problem at all eating what i cook, they sometimes eat non vegan stuff (especially at their mums place) but due to her own decision completely avoids meat (which was influenced by me, they have said). recently he’s been asking me to buy stuff like cows milk and cows butter when i grocery shop.

I was hesitant to and said no for a while but gave in which he’s been having on toast and in his coffee etc. Then he started asking me if i can use cows milk and butter in things like mashed potatoes for dinner for him and his child.

I straight out refused, said he’s more than welcome to make his own mashed potato and whatever but i’m not making two meals when there’s barely a difference in using dairy free milk and butter. Now he’s saying he’s worried about his child eating vegan so much, thinks they need calcium etc. doc and nutritionist says child is fine.

I told him, i’m fine buying him non vegan food for him too cook for himself and his child if they want that non vegan food but i’m not cooking non vegan food, i’m not comfortable doing that and am not making more versions of food than necessary.

Usually as soon as he’s home he’s starving and so we eat dinner straight away but he’s arguing if he has to make his own dinner (which he’s fine dling, jjst not straight after work) he will have to be starving making dinner yada yada yada and we can’t all eat dinner together (because his child goes to bed at 7:30). so aita?

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Cooking dinner is an act of care, but this woman’s vegan values are non-negotiable. Her boyfriend’s push for dairy in meals like mashed potatoes ignores her ethical stance, while his concerns about his child’s nutrition—debunked by doctors—feel like a convenient excuse. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman notes, “Respecting each other’s core values builds trust in partnerships”. Forcing her to cook non-vegan food risks resentment.

This reflects broader tensions in blended families with differing diets. A 2022 study in Appetite found 65% of couples with mixed dietary preferences report conflicts over meal prep. The boyfriend’s desire for family dinners clashes with her moral boundaries, creating a stalemate.

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Dr. Gottman’s advice emphasizes compromise without sacrificing identity. She’s already buying non-vegan items—a big concession—so he could prep his own dairy-based sides. A meal plan splitting cooking duties might ease the load.

For now, she could suggest he batch-cook non-vegan dishes on weekends, ensuring family dinners stay intact.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s dishing out a feast of reactions, from applause for her boundary-setting to quips about the boyfriend’s post-work hunger tantrums. Here’s the unfiltered scoop straight from the vegan buffet:

Nikotheis - NTA. If the doc and nutritionist are saying the kid is fine with the vegan diet, you get to cook what you want. If it were adversely effecting anyone, that would be one thing, but it's not. You have already compromised by buying the non-vegan food, if you don't feel comfortable cooking it, he should respect that.

[Reddit User] - NTA. What would he do if he didn't have you?. If he's that worried about dairy, kid can can a glass of milk.

Hippocr1t - NTA. Let’s take the vegan part out; you’ve already stated the doctor thinks the kid is fine.. “I don’t wanna eat your cooking, can you cook twice?”. “No. If you want something else feel free to make it yourself.”. This is a lesson that parents teach their children. You shouldn’t have to teach it to your partner.

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ZealousLez852 - NTA you are not a restaurant making different meals for everyone, he's an adult if he's got a problem he can cook his own food.

noseandtoes - NTA. They knew you were vegan when they got into a relationship with you. If they want non-vegan meals, they can prepare, cook and freeze them ahead of time and thaw and heat when they get home.

cigarjack - NTA The are other foods higher in calcium than milk. Nuts, beans, tofu and leafy greens are all good sources of calcium.

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not_cinderella - NTA. You’re a vegan, I’m assuming, for moral reasons. It’s cruel to force you to cook something you’re morally against eating. There’s also plenty of calcium in vegan milk (the same as dairy) so I don’t get the difference with that. If he wants meat, he can cook it himself. It’s nice of you to even buy it for him.

Chocolate_Wonderful - you said it, the kid has no problem eating what you cook and the doctors said it's in good health. It seems that your partner gets teased by his friends at work about eating vegan and wants you to change 'the menu' I'm giving the biggest NTA because you wait him with a meal ready when he gets from work,

if he decides to eat it or not it's his problem. PS: I'm trying to eat less meat but have been a carnivore my whole life and don't know what to cook besides salads or soy hamburgers, do you have any book or web to look for recipes? I'm already leaving milk and derivatives.

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blackholeofyoutube - NTA. If he didn’t have you there doing free labor feeding him and the kiddo, what would he do?You supply edible food that meets minimum nutritional requirements. You’ve done your job.

Now, I think if your bf or child HATES broccoli and that’s the only vegetable you ever cook; that would make you an a**hole. But that is not the situation. Continue on your merry vegan way.

kitsukitkat - NTA if he really needs cow butter in his mash he can add it as a topping.

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These takes are as bold as a tofu stir-fry, but do they oversimplify the juggling act of blended family life? Can love and lentils coexist, or is this a recipe for breakup?

This isn’t just about mashed potatoes—it’s about respecting values in a shared life. Her vegan kitchen is her sanctuary, and while her boyfriend craves dairy, her refusal to cook it is a stand for her beliefs. Can they find a middle ground, or is this a dealbreaker? Have you ever clashed with a partner over food or principles? Share your stories—how do you keep the peace when values collide at the dinner table?

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