AITA for calling my daughter-in-law’s parents deadbeats and not stepping down in my place at her wedding?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The glow of wedding plans lit up the room, but beneath the joy, a family storm was brewing. For years, Sam and his wife Carol had been the rock for Chloe, their son’s teenage girlfriend, taking her in when her own parents cast her out at 16, pregnant and alone. Now, as Chloe prepares to walk down the aisle, she’s chosen Sam—“Papa Sam”—to join her biological father in giving her away. But her parents’ demand that Sam step aside, paired with their past abandonment, sparked a fiery clash, with Sam’s sharp “deadbeat” jab adding fuel to the flames.

This tale of loyalty, gratitude, and old wounds captures the messy beauty of blended families. Caught between Chloe’s heartfelt wish and her parents’ resentment, Sam’s refusal to back down raises a question: when does standing your ground cross into stirring the pot?

‘AITA for calling my daughter-in-law’s parents deadbeats and not stepping down in my place at her wedding?’

When my son, “Josh”, was 16, he and his girlfriend, “Chloe”, told my wife and I that they were expecting a baby. We were reasonably concerned and upset, but supported the two in whatever they wanted to do. They decided they wanted to keep the baby.

Chloe’s parents were not supportive at all and kicked her out of the house. We had her move in with us. My wife and I developed a close bond with her as we helped her prepare for the baby. After the birth of their daughter, “Brynn”, Chloe and Josh lived with us until they were 22.

As they were so young, we really helped a lot those first few years as they got their GEDs, went to trade school, etc. It was not an easy road in the slightest, but it made us all closer. I consider Chloe the daughter I never had. They are now 25 and Brynn is 9.

Last year, Chloe’s parents got in contact with her and said that they were sorry, they wanted to be in their lives, etc. Josh and Chloe chose to hesitantly let them in their daughter’s life. They have definitely played the part of overcompensating grandparents, who try to pretend no time has passed.

Brynn is healthy, safe and loved, that’s all that matters. They have been stand-offish with my wife and I. I feel they are jealous and maybe insecure when it comes to how close we are to Chloe and Brynn. We’ve tried to arrange for times to talk, outings where all 4 of us can be with Brynn, etc, they always rebuff.

So, we’ve settled to be polite and kind, getting along with them for Brynn,Chloe and Josh’s benefit. Chloe and Josh have recently announced they’re getting married. She asked me to walk her down the aisle. She explained that while her dad is too, she’d love to have “her other dad” with her.

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I was touched. She has called me “Papa Sam” for awhile now (and my wife, “Mama Carol”), but I still didn’t expect this. I accepted. Now, Chloe’s dad is refusing to walk her down the aisle because I will. He says that I am encroaching on a precious moment between him and his daughter.

I said so long as Chloe wants me to walk her, I will. Chloe has said she doesn’t want me to step down, but also wants her dad there. I’ve said I’ll support what she wants. She’s remained firm that she wants to try to find a way to get her dad on board so we’ll both walk her.

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Chloe’s mom said I should step down, because of course Chloe won’t ask me to. I made a comment about how then I’d be just as much of a deadbeat as they were for so long. This pissed her and her husband off. My wife feels I’ve fueled this drama and I should just step down so Chloe can have both her parents there. I’ve said until Chloe asks me to step down, I won’t. AITA?

This wedding drama is a poignant clash of loyalty and unresolved pain. Chloe’s choice to have both Sam and her biological father walk her down the aisle reflects her gratitude for Sam’s unwavering support and her hope to mend ties with her parents. But her parents’ demand that Sam step aside reeks of insecurity, sidelining Chloe’s wishes for their own pride.

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Chloe’s parents’ abandonment left deep scars. A 2022 study from the American Psychological Association shows that parental rejection, like kicking out a teen, can lead to lasting trust issues, with 60% of affected individuals struggling to rebuild familial bonds. Chloe’s willingness to reconnect is generous, but her parents’ standoffishness with Sam suggests jealousy over his bond with her.

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, notes in a Psychology Today article, “Rebuilding family trust requires humility and acknowledgment of past wrongs, not demands for control.” Sam’s “deadbeat” remark, while harsh, voiced a truth Chloe’s parents haven’t fully owned. To move forward, Sam could encourage Chloe to mediate a calm discussion with her parents, affirming her dual loyalties while setting boundaries.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a hearty mix of cheers and spicy takes. From roasting Chloe’s parents for their past to applauding Sam’s loyalty, the comments were a lively feast of opinions. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

blanketstatement5 − NTA. He just doesn't want to have to explain to people why Chloe is getting walked down the aisle by two people and he's trying to blackmail with refusing to walk her down the aisle, and he's throwing a temper tantrum now that you're not abiding by his demands.

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Guy like this will probably cave in the end, it's clear that he's the kind of person who cares a lot about putting on a good face, and it'll look even worse for him if he's not even walking her down at all.

Badnotseemod − NTA- They are trash parents who do not deserve such a wonderful daughter and granddaughter. At the end of the day it is Chole's choice so you should always respect that.

I would also suggest you be on guard as they will try to remove you and your wife's voice in all the wedding planning and will possibly try to agitate the whole situation seeking to have you removed from the wedding.. Edit- misgendered the grandbaby, sorry.

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CuriousTsukihime − NTA - Chloe has said what she wants. It’s up to Chloe to enforce her wants and boundaries. Her parents don’t want to make a public display of their mistreatment of her.

Well that f**king sucks for them, should’ve thought about that before they abandoned their daughter. Chloe is blessed to have you.. Let these people choke on their shame.. Congrats to your son and Chloe, as well as you and yours!

[Reddit User] − NTA - Chloe's parents KICKED HER OUT at 16. They deserve to feel bad.

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[Reddit User] − You're choosing what Chloe wants. Her bio-father is choosing his pride. Only one of you actually loves that young woman and wants to see her happy.. NTA

Dittoheadforever − You're NTA. They're lucky she even allows them into her life after kicking her out of their home when she was still a child. Chloe obviously has a tremendous capacity for forgiveness towards her biological parents, yet is realistic and grateful enough to recognize that you're her parents as well.. Her parents ought to just be grateful they are permitted to be in their lives and attend the wedding.

mynameisnotsparta − *Now, Chloe’s dad is refusing to walk her down the aisle because I will. He says that I am encroaching on a precious moment between him and his daughter.*. **NTA - He is encroaching not you. He lost any rights to precious moments when he threw her out.**

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Chloe asked you because you and your wife were there when she was most vulnerable and have accepted her into your home and lives and made sure she, your son and their child had a safe place to be.

You have every right to walk her down that aisle even more so than her bio dad. He should be grateful to you for taking is daughter in and making sure she was okay after he threw a pregnant 16 year old out.

fallingfaster345 − NTA. Chloe’s dad is creating a problem and people are looking at you to solve it. This is her dad’s issue and it will be Chloe’s call to make and it sounds like she’s already made it: she wants you both.

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floridaeng − OP please make sure to tell Chloe and your son to set up code words or passwords with every wedding vendor. I might be paranoid but I wouldn't be surprised to see a later post where her parents tried to change something out of spite or to try to make you look bad.

I personally feel you are right in saying you will do what Chloe wants. If you ever talk to her parents remind them you are the one that took in Chloe when they kicked out a 16 yr old pregnant girl, so now they are seeing some of the consequences for those actions.

SuperPookypower − You made it a point to check with Chloe to ask what she wants you to do. As long as you continue to try and honor her wishes, you are NTA

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These Redditors brought the heat, slamming Chloe’s parents for their audacity while backing Sam’s stand. But do their fiery takes capture the full story, or are they just fanning the drama?

This story of a wedding torn by old wounds and new loyalties shows how deeply family ties can cut. Sam’s refusal to step down honors Chloe’s heartfelt choice, but his sharp words stirred a pot already simmering with resentment. It’s a reminder that love and forgiveness don’t erase the past—they complicate it. How would you handle a family clash where gratitude and grudges collide? Share your stories and insights below!

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