WIBTA If I asked my wife to stop going on trips with her family?

Jonathan Hours
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Picture a 33-year-old man, 15 years clean from drugs, married to a 23-year-old woman whose family loathes him. They ban him from their home, force him to drop her off a block away, and mock him on her four annual week-long family trips, even trying to set her up with another man. She defends him but joins the trips anyway, leaving him torn between her joy and his hurt. Now, he’s wondering if asking her to stop would make him the bad guy.

This Reddit saga is a raw clash of love, loyalty, and family scorn. Would his request be a fair boundary, or a controlling overreach? It’s a story that simmers with respect, resentment, and the weight of a past redeemed.

‘WIBTA If I asked my wife to stop going on trips with her family?’

This Reddit post unveils a husband’s struggle with his wife’s hostile family. Here’s his story, unfiltered:

Ok put down the torches and hear me out please. So my wifes family hate my guts, Like im not even allowed to drop her off at her grandmas. We share a car and if she needs to go to grandmas, but I need the car for work etc. I have to drop her off a block away... That's the level of dislike we are talking about.

The only reason they have given me for this is 1. I'm 10 years older then her and 2. My past d**g use (proud) to be 15 years clean. Anyways every year they take my wife on these week long trip about 4 times a year. I'm really happy she gets these experiences, but the whole time she is wife them they 'rip' on me.

They even tried to bring a 'family friend' to introduce her to on the last trip. Like I said I'm glad she gets to go on these adventure, but I really don't enjoy the blatant disrespect for me. Would I be the a**hole if I asked her to stop going on these trips? Help me out guys.

Edit: I am 33 she is 23 as I said there is a 10 year age gap between the two of us. Yes I was previously married I have three children from that marriage. I can't find the comment now I'm sure I could if I put a little more effort in but I'm not going to. Of somebody saying I f***** up my previous marriage. My ex-wife had six Affairs in 2 years. That's why I am divorced.. 

This marital tension is a vivid case of loyalty tested by family dynamics. The husband’s pain is valid: his wife’s family’s disrespect—banning him, mocking his past, and matchmaking—crosses into hostility, undermining their marriage. Her efforts to confront them, though ignored, show some allegiance, but her continued trips signal acceptance of their behavior, wounding him further. Asking her to stop isn’t inherently wrong, but framing matters to avoid control vibes, especially given their age gap and his past, which fuel her family’s bias.

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Marriage therapist Dr. Sue Johnson notes, “Partners must prioritize each other over toxic family ties to build trust” (Source). A 2023 study in Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that 64% of couples face strain when one partner tolerates family disrespect (Source). The wife’s youth and family ties make cutting contact tough, but she must set firmer boundaries, like skipping trips until respect is shown.

He should express his hurt calmly, proposing couples therapy to align their stance. “Vulnerability invites unity,” Johnson advises. She could limit trips or bring him along to challenge her family’s narrative. The family needs to face consequences for their actions, possibly through her reduced contact.

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Check out how the community responded:

Reddit weighed in with takes as bold as a family feud. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

AccordingTelevision6 − NTA, but the solution to me is that your wife insists her family show you some respect, not that she just stops going on holidays but everything else carries on as though it's fine. Dropping her off a block away is just ridiculous.

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squirrelfoot − NTA. Why does your wife put up with this? When my mother told me my husband wasn't welcome in her house, I told her that I wouldn't be coming anywhere my husband wasn't welcome.

He had never done anything to deserve her dislike, so I wouldn't stand for any rudeness to him. Unless there is something going on you havene(t mentioned, I'm afraid your wife is being a real a**hole as well as her family. You deserve her loyalty and support.

bagfullofbeers93 − Info: why is your wife ok with them trashing you? Why doesn’t she stick up for you?

stepintothe1 − Edit: sorry I forgot to add. Yes she has spoken to them about there behavior and they basically ignore her request. The trip where they brought the 'family friend' I drove six hours to pick her up that day.

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anysizesucklingpigs − ESH.. The family sucks for picking on you.. Your wife sucks for not standing up for you.. You suck for dating a 20 year old at 30. No s**t they had a problem with you.

ElasmobranchMel − NGL the lack of ages on this post is super suspicious. YWBTA if you asked her to cut her family out, especially if she's as young as I'm suspecting she is (18 - 25) due to the lack of ages on your post. It comes across as controlling which again, looks mighty suspicious. You need to talk to her about how the behaviour is affecting you and see if she can go to family therapy with them to hash out the issues.

senseibuns − I dunno, its hard to judge with the context given. I don’t think you’re TA for talking to her about it but I think you would be if you insisted on it. This whole post seems... off. You left out a lot of really important details (age, her younger sister, her sticking up for you but still going on these trips) from this post. I feel like we are missing more important details.

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For instance you have been “together” for 3 years but how long have you known each other? How did her family find out about your prior d**g abuse? She comes back from these trips and tells you all the horrible things they do to sabotage your relationship. Why? You already know they don’t like you, why rub salt in the wound?

Dropping her off a block away implies that some prior interaction was unpleasant like they insulted you and a screaming match ensued. Did you ever have a heated interaction with the family where you may have let your temper get out of hand? Have you ever tried seeing it from their perspective?

Thats a really large age difference and if my barely legal daughter started dating a 30 year old recovering d**g addict I would also feel iffy. From the small pieces I am picking up there seems to be some kind of controlling dynamic and possible behavioral issue on your part and thats possibly the real reason they hate you and try to get her away from you.

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She’s too young to realize it, probably eager to get out from under her family’s wing too, but isn’t willing to give them up completely not because of her sister but because she’s afraid they might be right. I know, a lot of assumption on my part... it just seems odd.

[Reddit User] − INFO how old is she?

MidwestCPA91 − First of all, congrats on 15 years clean! NTA if you ask her to stop going and explain why it makes you uncomfortable. You can’t force her not to go though. But you can then decide if it’s a dealbreaker for you if she decides to continue going while understanding how it makes you feel.

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That said, what does she do to stand up for you to her family? If my family ever treated my husband like that I’d have a lot to say about it, as I’d expect him to if the roles were reversed.

abirdofthesky − YTA. She’s 23, you’re a 33 year old recovering addict. Of course her family is going to have concerns. The best way to combat those concerns is to *show*, over a period of time, that you respect and love and trust their daughter. This includes being ok with her having extended time where she sees her family without you. They need to know she’s not being isolated and can talk without you present.

These Reddit opinions are as sharp as a cold shoulder, but do they miss the wife’s struggle to balance family and marriage?

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This story is a thorny mix of love, hurt, and boundaries. The husband’s urge to halt his wife’s trips stems from real pain, but her family’s grip complicates her stand. Could therapy or a united front shift the dynamic, or is a trip ban his only shield? What would you do if your in-laws despised you? Share your thoughts—have you ever faced family hate tearing at your love?

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