AITA for making a scene after my SILs announced their pregnancies at my birthday as a gift?

Venus Hours
Comments 0 Comments

Picture a cozy backyard gathering, fairy lights twinkling, and a young woman ready to celebrate her 24th birthday—hoping, for once, it’s truly about her. Growing up, her birthdays were hijacked by her parents’ boozy, work-centric bashes, leaving her feeling like a guest at her own party. Now, she’s carved out a small, intimate celebration with close family, craving a moment to feel seen. But when her sisters-in-law drop a bombshell gift, her carefully planned day unravels.

This Reddit tale captures a raw clash of joy and pain. The poster, grappling with infertility, faces her sisters-in-law announcing their pregnancies at her birthday, turning her moment into their spotlight. The fallout—tears, a panic attack, and nasty texts—sparks a Reddit debate: was she wrong to flee her own party? Let’s dive into this emotional rollercoaster, where family ties and personal wounds collide.

‘AITA for making a scene after my SILs announced their pregnancies at my birthday as a gift ?’

My (24f) boyfriend (24M) has 2 sisters Emily (30F) and Diane (32F). They are both married and trying for a baby. Diane announced her first pregnancy at mother day this year. She gifted her mother a baby shoe and a positive pregnancy test.

Everyone was happy and even more when Emily told everyone that she was also trying for a baby. Later that evening, I texted them both saying 'Congratulations, I'm happy for you. It's a bit weird for me and my boyfriend because we recently learned that I'm sterile.

I hope I didn't cut the mood but I'm really excited for you both'. They sent me some texts reassuring me and everything went well.. Sadly, Diane lost her baby 2 months after this party. Fast forward to last week.

We (MIL, both SILs and I) met for a girls night. My MIL wanted to organise a party for my birthday so she asked me if that's ok for me and what do I want. I said fine but birthdays are a though for me.

When I grew up, my parents always made my birthdays about them. They never invited my friends or close family. They always invited their colleagues and friends, they had big parties where they drank a lot of alcohol.

So after I wanted to be sure to have a small party with close family (12 persons) and nothing really big. The party was yesterday. I was helping my MIL when both my SILs and their husbands arrive. They both also brought their in laws and some friends.

ADVERTISEMENT

So what was suppose to be a small party ended up with more than 40 persons. My MIL was a bit fuming because we had to go by more drinks and foods for uninvited guests. The party went well untill it was gifts time. I opened gift from my MIL and FIL, then one from my boyfriend. It was sweet.

Next, my SILs gifted me one small package for them both (which is fine, I asked for small gifts if they were willing to give one). I opened it and it was a S-size shirt (I'm more XL and S) saying 'Best future aunt'.

ADVERTISEMENT

There was also, written with a marker pen 'X2'. The package also contained 2 positives pregnancy tests and a photo of them both touching their bellies. I looked them in the eye, asking 'are you pregnant ?'.

They both said yes. Emily took the shirt out of my hands and showed it to everyone. As I was starting to cry, I ran outside, my boyfriend following me. I had a panic attack. When I came back, everyone was happy and they were all congratulating the pregnants couples.

ADVERTISEMENT

I felt really sad. My boyfriend talked to his parents and we left the party without saying anything to anybody else. I received, in the evening, some n**ty texts from some of my boyfriend's family saying things like 'Why did you ruin their announcement ?

It was only a birthday party, please grow up'. I do feel bad. My boyfriend is planning on telling them to f**k off but I don't want him to ruin his relationships with his family. My FIL and MIL called me to apologize, saying things got out of hands.

When sisters-in-law turn a birthday into their pregnancy announcement stage, it’s like tossing confetti at a funeral—tone-deaf and stinging. The poster’s pain, rooted in her infertility and a history of overshadowed birthdays, is raw and valid. Her sisters-in-law, aware of her struggles, chose a deeply personal moment to share their joy, sidelining her. This wasn’t just a party foul; it was a breach of empathy, amplified by uninvited guests swelling the event beyond her comfort.

This scenario taps into a broader issue: navigating sensitive announcements in shared spaces. A 2021 study from the American Psychological Association notes that infertility affects 10-15% of couples, often carrying emotional weight that demands sensitivity. Public celebrations, especially when unexpected, can feel like salt in an open wound for those facing such losses.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dr. Elaine Tyler, a family therapist, emphasizes, “Announcements like pregnancies require careful timing, especially around those with known sensitivities. Empathy means prioritizing the emotional safety of others”. Here, the sisters-in-law’s choice to unveil their news via a “future aunt” gift feels less like a celebration and more like a spotlight stolen, ignoring the poster’s vulnerability.

For solutions, communication is key. The poster could express her hurt calmly, perhaps in a letter, as Reddit suggests, to clarify her feelings without escalating tension. Couples’ counseling resources, like those from the Gottman Institute, offer tools for navigating family conflicts.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of fiery support and sharp clapbacks. Here’s what the community had to say:

ADVERTISEMENT

guitarlisa − NTA - it's your party and you can cry if you want to. I think your SILs both knew that you can't have children, right? Why would they want to co-opt your birthday to make it about them?

And then not be compassionate when you got emotional? I don't know if everyone in your bf's family are AHs but whoever sent you that text about ruining the announcement certainly is. The other ones may just be a little tone-deaf.

SirEDCaLot − NTA. I think you should write a letter (email, letter, whatever) to both SILs, MIL, FIL, and perhaps anyone who says 'it was just a party'. Explain that when you were growing up, birthday parties were NEVER about you.

ADVERTISEMENT

Not once, not ever. You never had your friends or family, your parents always invited work colleagues and they drank. So you felt like nobody cared about your birthday, your birthday parties were never even a little bit about you.

That's why you have small parties. You always hope that with small groups of close family, the party can actually be *for you* and not just a bunch of random people who don't know you. Hearing that SILs both are pregnant, when they all know you can't ever be pregnant, is the worst un-present that could be brought at a party.

It's saying 'HEY WE GOT THE BEST PRESENT THAT YOU WILL NEVER HAVE YOURSELF!'. It was a total slap in the face. You understand that it's a happy moment for them, and you ARE happy for them, but having it come out at YOUR party just rubbed in your face that it was yet another birthday NOT about you, with a 'present' that they both receive and you never will have yourself.

ADVERTISEMENT

And that hurt more than words can describe. So you are sorry if you ruined their announcement. But they need to understand that the timing of their announcement was not a present to you, it was just twisting the knife in an already open wound, reminding you that you'll never have children of your own and everyone else will.

It was a reminder that at every family function going forward, SILs will have their adorable little babies, and you'll be wishing you had your own, but knowing that will never ever happen for you. And that truly made this one of your worst birthdays ever.

And that's why you left. Because with that reminder of what you'll never have as your 'birthday present', you *couldn't* be happy for them. The only thing you wanted to do is cry. So you left to go cry elsewhere so you didn't ruin their special moment. But it's yet another birthday about everybody other than you.

ADVERTISEMENT

You understand that your crappy childhood wasn't their fault, and you don't blame them for it as they had no way of knowing. But you really don't understand how, knowing that you're sterile, rubbing your face in the fact that they *both* are pregnant was supposed to make you in any way happy.

That's like telling a person who's going bankrupt, 'Happy birthday! I just bought a million dollar house and a Ferrari and I got promoted to CEO at my company! Too bad you'll never have any of this! Why aren't you happy?'

Anyway, you wish everybody the best and you have love for them all. You hope they understand now why you were so hurt and why you left. Send this via something non-realtime- email is good, or physically print it and sign it and hand it to them.

ADVERTISEMENT

Successful-Ratio9850 − So they learnt you can't have kids, and really thought that announcing their pregnancies at your birthday party was a good idea? That is unbelievably cruel.

W Whether they are intentionally doing it or not, it really sounds like they're rubbing it in your face and expecting, no, demanding you be okay with it. Like 'oh sucks you can't have kids but we can, so be happy for us'. Both you and your bf are NTA here, everyone else is, ESPECIALLY the SILs

[Reddit User] − Let him ruin the relationship with those harpies. This is so wrong at so many levels. No honey, you are not and A H at all. They are. NTA

ADVERTISEMENT

BeautifulCharacter96 − Nta. At the first born nibbling birthday party ve sure to invite 25 extra people then announce your plans to adopt. See how they react; I mean, it's only a birthday party- the baby won't even remember!

EastDay1858 − NTA Your SIL(s) showed up to a party that wasn’t theirs, with people who weren’t invited, and then hijacked the party to make it about them. Oh and to top it all off, you’d previously told them you can’t become pregnant so the pregnancy announcement at your birthday party seems especially spiteful.. Just.. wow.

[Reddit User] − NTA They didn't steal your thunder, I honestly believe they are trying to hurt you, everything you asked for they threw it out the window, they are narcissists. Please for the love of god don't contact them anymore, they didn't even think on how it would make you feel, only the boyfriend was decent in this story.

ADVERTISEMENT

Status-Pattern7539 − NTA. They know you can’t have kids and announced their pregnancies at your party.. That is disgusting. “I’m unable to have children which they both know. I find it in poor taste that they decided to announce their pregnancies at my party knowing I’m infertile, it’s cruel and heartless. I’m entitled to my feeling so it wasn’t just about a “party”.”

RiverSong_777 − NTA, you have an issue with your birthday and wanted a small party *specifically* because your parents used to make your birthdays about them. Going ahead and ruining yet another of your birthdays by making it a huge party *about something they know you’ll never have* is the last thing you needed and beyond tone deaf.

I hope the extended family that’s insulting you now don’t know those details because if they do, they’re all a massive heap of dung, not just the SILs. I usually agree adult birthdays aren’t a huge thing but these circumstances are special.

ADVERTISEMENT

By bringing their own in-laws they already broke every social rule regarding your party. They knew exactly what they were doing and didn’t for one second think about you. Any woman knows pregnancies are a touchy subject

and especially the SIL who had a miscarriage should know not to rub a sterile woman‘s nose in her happiness by hijacking her event and making it about pregnancies.. You didn’t ruin anything and I‘m glad your bf and his parents are on your side.

jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj − NTA It's already bad manners to hijack someone's event for your own announcement, but them hijacking your birthday and making your literal birthday present their pregnancy announcements knowing you can't have children is just insanely insensitive and self-centered.

ADVERTISEMENT

It was never their event for you to ruin. It is entirely the other way around. The very fact that some people now see their hijacking as the real event of the day only underlines how s**tty it was for them to do this.

From calling out the sisters-in-law’s insensitivity to urging the poster to set boundaries, these opinions are a wild ride. But do they capture the full nuance of this family drama, or are they just fanning the flames?

This birthday saga leaves us pondering empathy, boundaries, and the delicate dance of family ties. The poster’s reaction—fleeing her own party—wasn’t about stealing thunder but protecting her heart from a painful reminder of what she can’t have. Her sisters-in-law’s announcement, though joyful for them, turned her day into another moment where she felt invisible. How would you navigate a family celebration that unintentionally hits a raw nerve? Drop your thoughts—what would you do in her shoes?

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *