AITA for not being able to forgive my stepson and banning him from our home?

In a quiet suburban home, tension simmers like a storm brewing on the horizon. A woman, weathered by years of emotional battles, stands firm in a decision that’s tearing her marriage apart: her stepson, now 19, is no longer welcome under her roof. His cruel words and damaging lies, especially a piercing jab at her infertility, have left scars too deep to ignore.

The weight of her choice hangs heavy, sparking heated debates among Reddit users. Can she justify banning her stepson, or is she holding onto grudges from a troubled child’s past? The story unfolds with raw emotion, pulling readers into a messy family drama where forgiveness feels like an uphill climb.

‘AITA for not being able to forgive my stepson and banning him from our home?’

I've been in my stepsons life since he was 6 years old. He is now 19 and in college.. From the ages of 9-17, my stepson did everything he could to make our lives miserable.. He has tormented my husband and I simply for trying to find happiness. He has said unbelievably cruel things.

He made up several lies about my husband and I that damaged our professional lives and finances permanently. When he was 16, he told me I had a toxic uterus because I was apparently a cold woman. This was when he found out about my infertility issues..

It was a knife through my heart that I can't seem to forget or forgive. He's now in college and ignores me completely. Which honestly is a relief. My husband still talks to him regularly. For this coming summer, I told my husband my stepson could not live with us. That I will not put myself through anymore of the horrible behavior..

My husband is angry that I won't give him a chance to make up.. We know he was being influenced by his mother but at some point he was old enough.. Just hearing his name gives me terrible anxiety. Its not even like I was the other woman or anything. Not that it should excuse his behavior in any way.. AITA?

Family dynamics can be a minefield, especially when step-relationships are involved. This woman’s struggle with her stepson’s behavior reveals a tangle of hurt, loyalty, and boundaries. The stepson’s actions, from cruel remarks to lies that harmed careers, point to deep-seated issues, likely fueled by parental alienation from his mother.

Parental alienation, where one parent manipulates a child against the other, is a recognized issue. According to a 2018 study in the Journal of Family Issues, about 13-15% of divorced families experience some form of alienation, often leading to long-term emotional damage for children and parents alike (journals.sagepub.com). Here, the stepson’s behavior suggests he was caught in this toxic web, lashing out as a result.

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Dr. Amy J.L. Baker, a leading expert on parental alienation, notes, “Children caught in loyalty conflicts may act out aggressively to cope with their pain, but this doesn’t excuse the harm caused” (amyjlbaker.com). In this case, the stepson’s remarks, particularly about the woman’s infertility, were deeply personal, likely amplifying her sense of betrayal. Her refusal to allow him home reflects a need to protect her mental health, though it risks alienating her husband.

To move forward, open communication is key. The woman could set clear boundaries with her husband, perhaps allowing supervised visits while seeking therapy to process her pain. Couples counseling could also help align their perspectives, balancing her need for peace with his desire to reconnect with his son.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s hot takes are as spicy as ever—let’s dive into the community’s thoughts!

[Reddit User] − NTA. Some wounds heal slowly, if at all. Unless the step son makes direct contact with you to make amends (and you accept that process), your home should be a safe place for you. Help husband see that as not taking sides, but simple reality.

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DobroJutroLo − INFO- he clearly was a troubled child that didn’t get the help he needed. Did he go to therapy? Can you elaborate as to why his mother influenced him?

EDIT: NAH. The child was manipulated through his childhood by his mother and clearly needs help as an adult which I don’t believe you are obligated to provide anymore. Edit: to everyone who sent hate mail, this post is for you. I wish you luck in getting help and finding sympathy

[Reddit User] − YTA for leaving out vital information because you’re here looking for sympathy and affirmation,and characterizing yourself as the victim of a 9 year old.

WritPositWrit − INFO: what does “simply for trying to find happiness” mean? This is a complex situation and we don’t know what has happened in the relationship over many years. How Has your search for happiness affected him? What does “happiness” mean here? Has he lived with you in the past ?

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Drea_Alder − INFO... I feel like there is a lot missing from this story. No context on the previous marriage, the mother’s behavior, what she did to influence the kid, etc.

NolinNa − Err I’m gonna go against the grain and say ESH but you and your husband kind of suck more, but please here me out. Admittedly I’m biased because I came from a broken home where my parents tried to manipulate me to act against the other parent.

You certainly have a right to be treated respectfully, and have the rules you and your partner have agreed upon abided by. And especially at 19 he should have the age and maturity to recognize that if he can’t live by your rules than he can’t live there.

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The reason why you and your partner suck more is because you guys left a vulnerable impressionable child in the care of someone abusing him. Parental alienation is extremely abusive and the second you realized that was happening you guys should have filed for full custody with supervised visitation.

Her actions were getting in the way of therapy he clearly needed (and still needs)! He was 6 years old! You let a child be manipulated by someone who was supposed to be his protector.. I’m so sorry this is what you’re dealing with, but I can’t say I’m surprised. Best of luck.. Edit: spelling errors

clockwork_jesus − INFO bordering on YTA- Seems like a lot of people are giving you a pass per your one sided woe-is-me story. Even though divorce is a tricky thing, especially for children because they are complete victims.

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You've basically injected yourself into one half of this kid's broken relationship with his parents and obviously have done nothing to understand how that must feel. Instead you're expecting a child to be the mature one in this new familial dynamic, while further creating obstacles between him and his father's attention.

wobblebase − ESH. It's reasonable to say you won't have a relationships with your stepson. It's not reasonable to say your husband can't have his son visit at the home he shares with you.

[Reddit User] − YTA. You're holding stuff against him that he said when he was 9? Seriously?

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doesanyonehaveweed − INFO: what did your stepson do to cause you and your husband professional difficulties? That is a huge untouched topic here.

These opinions range from empathy to tough love, but do they capture the full complexity of a family torn by years of conflict?

This story lays bare the messy reality of blended families, where old wounds and new boundaries collide. The woman’s decision to ban her stepson is a stand for her own peace, yet it risks fracturing her marriage. Reddit’s divided opinions show there’s no easy answer. What would you do if years of hurt stood between you and forgiveness? Share your thoughts—how would you navigate this family storm?

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