AITA for refusing to drive my GF around after she lost her license?

Jonathan Hours
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Imagine a 22-year-old man, haunted by a near-fatal car accident at 14, his vision blurring with panic behind the wheel. His girlfriend, after five years together, loses her license to a DUI, blaming him for making her drive drunk. She demands he get his license or she’ll leave, so he faces his fear. But when she expects him to chauffeur her everywhere, he digs in, preferring to walk as always. Now she’s furious, branding him a “man child.”

This Reddit saga is a raw clash of trauma and manipulation. Was his refusal a stand for his mental health, or a selfish dodge of duty? It’s a story that roars with pain, pressure, and the cost of love gone sour.

‘AITA for refusing to drive my GF around after she lost her license?’

This Reddit post lays bare a man’s fight to protect his peace against a girlfriend’s demands. Here’s his story, unfiltered:

I'm 22m and my GF is 21. We have been together for 5 years. See.. I got into a terrible car accident when I was 14 and was in the hospital for 3 weeks and 5 days recovering. I have been terrified of driving ever since. To a point where I get behind the wheel and immediately get tunnel vision and everything goes blurry. So when my GF got her license at 16, she tried forcing me to go in and get mine but I just wasnt ready.

This was the very beginning of our relationship. She has continued to harp on me over the years to get my license despite the fact that I dont technically even need it. The home I am renting is literally right next door to my work. The grocery store is literally right across the street. Hospital is only a mile away. I can quite literally walk everywhere and I have been doing so since I moved here at age 20. I enjoy this.

But she still harped on me, which caused numerous fights. Back 3 months ago I went to a buddies house and while there, we ended up having a few drinks. My GF was mad because she made plans for us without me knowing and picked a fight. She ends up going home and drinking (I didnt know this).

Later I told her my buddy was drinking so he couldnt drive me home and that I was just going to stay the night. She insisted on coming to get me; again, I had no knowledge that she was drinking. She got pulled over and got a DUI and lost her license for a year. She gave me an ultimatum.

Either get my license or shes gone because it was 'my fault' that she lost her license (I realize it's not but she tries blaming me). Didnt want her to leave so I sucked up my fear and got it. Now she wants me to drive her everywhere. Saying its 'so nice' that she doesnt have to drive herself around anymore.

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I told her that's not how it works and I will not be driving her everywhere because as it stands now, I'm still terrified of getting behind the wheel and everything is walking distance. I told her to go walk like I had been for the past 2 years (and continue doing despite having my license). Shes pissed and telling everyone that I'm a man child who refuses to dote to his women. AITA?
This relationship rift is a stark case of trauma dismissal and emotional coercion. The man’s driving phobia, rooted in a life-altering accident, is a valid boundary, yet his girlfriend’s relentless pressure—culminating in an ultimatum—shows a lack of empathy. Her DUI, a consequence of her own choice to drink and drive, isn’t his fault, and her blame-shifting and expectation of chauffeuring exploit his fear for her convenience.

Psychologist Dr. Judith Herman notes, “Trauma survivors need control over their triggers; coercion erodes healing” (Source). A 2023 study in Journal of Interpersonal Violence found that 67% of manipulative partners use ultimatums to control, often targeting vulnerabilities (Source). Her calling him a “man child” is a tactic to shame, not support.

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He should seek therapy for his driving anxiety, not for her, but for his own freedom. “Reclaim agency slowly,” Herman advises. A serious talk about her manipulation is needed, but her lack of remorse suggests deeper issues. She must own her DUI and find alternative transport.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit revved up with takes as bold as a burnout. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

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[Reddit User] − NTA.. Dude, she sounds horrendous. You should leave her.

AholeFan − YOU DO NOT NEED TO RE-TRAUMATISE YOURSELF BECAUSE A SELFISH PERSON CHOSE TO DRINK-DRIVE. She is SOOOO lucky she ran into the police before she ran over a human being. She is So lucky her punishment is a year of inconvenience rather than an entire life of guilt.

Drink-driving is DISGUSTING and as someone dating an accident survivor, she should know how dangerous vehicles can be (even if your accident wasn't related to drink-driving at all). Also if you live in a place where everything is nearby, why does she need a personal (traumatised) chauffeur? She is putting her convenience above your trauma and it's horrible. I'm so sorry you even have to ask this, but no, you're NTA for not wanting to go along with that. She is awful.

Remarkable-Army7731 − NTA I think you dropped this.

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Schweinehaufen − NTA, your gf sounds very immature and manipulative.

Lil_Floofy − NTA. Absolutely not the ah.. 1) she was pressuring you even though you had trauma, it's incredibly insensitive.. 2) she drank AND took the wheel right after, what if she got involved in an accident ? 3) she treat you like her personal Uber, knowing that you're still not comfortable driving, and argue with you when you don't want to.

She's mean and manipulative. You make great effort trying to deal with her, and you should be incredibly proud to pass your driving license with all this pressure, but enough is enough. You did it because you wanted her to stay, but try to ask yourself what you really think of a relationship where your gf doesn't care about your feelings and what you want. She want to be taken care of ? And who take cares of you ?

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[Reddit User] − bro this lady doesn't care about you, your feelings, or your very valid trauma. NTA - ditch her, she's manipulative as f**k.

hmo_ − May I know why are you still with her?

J412h − NTA. She’s a manipulative AH, you are not responsible for her dui and not her chauffeur.. You really do need to get help with the mental issues of driving. Not for her, for you.

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tailofthecrackfox − You have PTSD related to driving: your girlfriend is trying to get me to drive. Your girlfriend sounds like a disgusting person. Like... seriously gross and horrid. What a horrible person you’ve wasted five years with.. Dump. Her. Now.

thedailyguilt − NTA. being 21 is old enough to know the dangers of drinking and driving — as well as the consequences for doing so. I have also had traumatic events that have happened to me while driving and affects me severely every time i have to get behind the wheel. i was very fortunate in having a bf who understood this and did not mind taking me where i needed to be.

however — he is unable to be with me and i have no other options. bc of this it has made me realize how much my fear and my anxiety have limited my life compared to before my accident and i am trying to work through them. if you ever need an ear to listen and understand where you are coming from, i am here.. but anyways — also, in short : it is not your obligation.

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These Reddit opinions are as fiery as a crash site, but do they miss the chance for him to heal his trauma on his terms?

This story is a gritty mix of fear, love, and betrayal. The man’s stand against driving his girlfriend protects his fragile peace, but her venom leaves scars. Could therapy or a breakup offer him freedom, or is compromise possible? What would you do if a partner blamed you for their mistakes? Share your thoughts—have you ever faced a love that demanded your pain?

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