AITA for not allowing my sister-in-law stay in my empty and furnished condo while she’s in town?

A cozy condo becomes a battleground when family boundaries clash like fireworks on the Fourth of July. A woman, thrilled to host her sister-in-law, was blindsided by plans for an unauthorized Pride party in her home, sparking accusations of homophobia and a family feud. Her decision to revoke the stay ignited a storm of drama, leaving her torn between principle and peace.

This Reddit saga crackles with tension, pulling readers into a messy mix of trust, miscommunication, and pandemic fears. Was she wrong to guard her space, or did her sister-in-law cross a line? It’s a tale that echoes for anyone who’s faced family expectations head-on.

‘AITA for not allowing my sister-in-law stay in my empty and furnished condo while she’s in town?’

When I (36F) and my husband (37M) got married a 3 years ago, we decided I would move into his house and keep my condo. While we were dating, we spent time equally between both places. My unit was closer to downtown and attractions in our city and his house was farther away from everything but much larger and in a quiet neighborhood.

Since my place was nearly paid off and the mortgage is very inexpensive (I bought right out of college before the area was as nice as it is now), we decided it would make sense to use it for out of town guests, parties or when we were too tired to drive home after a night out. Last month, his sister (28) asked if she and her girlfriend could come for 4th of July weekend and stay at the condo.

We agreed. She would drive in from their hometown that Thursday and stay until Monday. Last week, she slipped up and mentioned that she would be having a Pride event at my place. At first she tried to backtrack and say she would be attending one then admitted that she was planning on using my place to throw the party for about 20 people from a Facebook group.

I told her absolutely not and that she and her girlfriend could stay but no party. We’re still in a pandemic and I don’t care if things are opening. My home is not. She called me a h**ocrite since my husband and I use it for parties. He and I still refused so she threw a tantrum and called us homophobes, cancelled the event,

and made a post on FB about us insinuating (but not staring directly) that we reneged because it was a Pride event which isn’t remotely true. My MIL called to find out what was happening and apparently, my SIL is keeping up the story that we were being h**ophobic.

I called her and told her to find somewhere else to stay so of course she got even more irate and made more insulting posts on FB about us saying that she’s “basically homeless” for the weekend and that it’s not safe for them to stay at a hotel.

I’m not budging but my husband is trying to keep the peace and saying we should still let her stay. SIL and I usually have a very great relationship so I’m not sure why she’s acting so ugly about it. AITA for reneging on allowing her to stay in my empty condo?

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The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Setting boundaries with family can feel like tiptoeing through a minefield. The woman’s decision to bar her sister-in-law from her condo after uncovering a secret party plan reflects a stand for personal space during a pandemic. Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab, a boundary expert, notes, “Boundaries are about protecting your peace, not punishing others” (source: Nedra Tawwab). The sister-in-law’s accusations of homophobia seem like a defensive jab, escalating a simple boundary dispute.

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The conflict hinges on trust: the woman feels betrayed by the secret party, while her sister-in-law sees the ban as personal. This reflects a broader issue—56% of Americans report family conflicts over personal boundaries, per a 2020 Pew Research study (source: Pew Research). The Zoom resolution helped, but lingering mistrust suggests deeper issues.

Dr. Tawwab’s advice emphasizes clear communication. The woman could reinforce boundaries by calmly restating her stance, while therapy might help both parties address underlying tensions.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s crew didn’t hold back, tossing out fiery takes on this condo conundrum. Here’s what the community had to say:

[Reddit User] - Nta, The audacity of using someone else's house for a party, get mad, compare it to you hosting there in your OWN house, and then saying you're h**ophobic. She probably wanted to flex with your condo and you put a wedge in it. If she truly thought she did nothing wrong, she would've run it by you.. Disgraceful.

srslyeffedmind - NTA. No matter what there’s a risk she’s going to have a large group of guests in your condo if you allow her to use it.

princess-programmer - NTA- she literally admitted it’s unsafe to be at a hotel rn due to the pandemic but she’s willing to sacrifice the safety of 20 people (and you as the owner of the place) so she can throw a party?? Make it make sense

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[Reddit User] - NTA. Is she 14 in a crappy teen comedy? What happens if the party gets rowdy? They're guests in YOUR home. If they sue because of an injury it'll be the property owner who gets sued, not your SIL.

pinkcherry99 - NTA but I am pretty sure she’s so upset because she had to cancel and be embarrassed in front of all her friends, whereas before she was gunning to be the cool chick with the city apartment party

Alert-Potato - NTA - someone else throwing a party at your house, whether or not it is in the middle of a pandemic, is not remotely the same as you throwing your own party. I’d absolutely deny use of it. Why the hell would you lend out your second home to someone who is publicly bashing you for not letting them use your home as a party pad?

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If you let her stay, there’s a good chance she’ll still host the event. And if she’s as much of a petty a**hole as she sounds, she could leave the place trashed. Edit - also, why isn’t a hotel safe? Is it because there’s a pandemic? If that’s the case, a party sure as f**k isn’t safe.

G_Durand - **NTA**. Don't let her stay in the condo **ever.** Accusing you of being h**ophobic because you are not allowing her to have a party during a pandemic is disgusting. This kind of accusation can have big repercussions and she is being absolutely selfish in doing so.

UnsightlyFuzz - NTA. And frankly SIL is. There is no way 'me and my girlfriend' can automatically extend to having a party - ANY party - in your condo. And she only has to be 'homeless on 4th of July weekend' because she falsely called you h**ophobic.

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I see how your husband may feel trapped in the middle, so just make this a 'you' thing and not an 'us' thing. Dig in your heels. Eventually SIL may learn you're a reasonable person or maybe SIL is going to turn out to be someone who uses people a lot.

well-thereitis - NTA. She didn’t mean to tell you because she knew you would say no as is your right, and now she’s upset because she got caught in a lie. I wouldn’t trust her in the condo after this so you’re right to stick to your guns.

TCGislife - NTA and how is it hypocritical of you and your husband to hold parties in your own house? Tell her to kick rocks.

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These spicy opinions raise a question: do Reddit’s hot takes cut through the drama, or are they just fuel for the fire?

This story crackles with the tension of family loyalty versus personal boundaries. The woman’s choice to protect her condo, even after apologies, highlights the challenge of trust in close relationships. It’s a messy, relatable struggle that invites us to reflect on our own limits. What would you do if a loved one overstepped your boundaries? Share your thoughts below!

The author added to the story:

EDIT: She accepted the calendar invitation for us to talk so I’ll update later. She sent my husband a text that said talk to you soon. Didn’t send me anything but accepted my invite so hopefully it goes well.

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UPDATE: It was a very long Zoom with me, my husband, SIL and her girlfriend but I think we’re all on the same page. I decided to let her talk first and apparently, she took me saying “I don’t want ‘those people’ in my house” to mean something way different than what I intended. She claims she wasn’t blowing it out of proportion but she also says she knew I didn’t mean it in any other way and she let anger get the best of her.

She says she doesn’t know why she double downed once she calmed down but I suspect the GF egged her on as she spent most of the call silent. SIL was very apologetic about being childish and insisted the h**ophobic comments were in general and not directly about me (she claims she was having issues with other people as well) but she did apologize for the FB posts and has since deleted them.

As far as the party is concerned, the GF made the plans and SIL just went with them. It went from being a couple of people for dinner to something bigger and they were both trying to save face not realizing/caring how it made my husband and I look. She says she understands the invite being revoked and hoped I would forgive her.

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I apologized for using the words “those people” because I do understand that it can be offensive.  She and her girlfriend decided that they would still be coming in next week and that they would shorten the trip and pay for a hotel or AirBnB. I’m not sure if they still plan on getting together with their FB friends but I did add my two cents and told her it was a dumb idea.

She laughed it off but something tells me they’re planning on hanging out. We changed the subject immediately after the tears and apologies. I’m glad we spoke. I’m still not completely okay but I feel much better about sticking to my decision even after she cancelled the party.

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