AITA for throwing away things that belonged to my boyfriend’s daughter’s “dead” mother?

In a quiet suburban home, the air crackled with tension as a new family dynamic unraveled. A woman, eager to build a life with her boyfriend, found herself blindsided by his 19-year-old daughter’s explosive arrival. What began as a hopeful summer reunion spiraled into a clash over a rug and vase, items the teen claimed honored her “dead” mother. The sting of betrayal and confusion hung heavy as truths unraveled, leaving everyone questioning motives and boundaries.

This Reddit saga, brimming with emotional twists, pulls readers into a messy blend of family drama and moral dilemmas. Was throwing out those items a step too far, or a justified reaction to deception? The story’s raw emotion and unexpected revelations demand a closer look, as the woman grapples with her role in a fractured household.

‘AITA for throwing away things that belonged to my boyfriend’s daughter’s “dead” mother?’

This is so stupid I can't believe it even happened. I've been dating a man with a 19 year old daughter for a few months now. We got serious pretty quickly and decided to move in together because of covid. I didn't meet his daughter because she lived with her boyfriend's family and his mom is high risk.

My boyfriend video called her a couple times a week, but wanted to introduce us in person. She broke up with her boyfriend and decided to come spend the summer with her dad. Oh my god there is so much wrong with this girl. She is rude and argumentative.

She says weird s**ual things and then when her dad tells her he doesn't want to hear it she says he is sexist and would let his son say it. I guess that should have been the first red flag because he doesn't have a son. Well I came home the other day and there was some weird rug thing over the normal rug and some ugly vase on the table.

I asked her where it came from and she started screaming at me that she is trying to remember her dead mother. She said I was just some s**t who could never replace her dead mom. I let it go, but later my boyfriend came home and asked why that stuff was there.

I told him and he got pissed. Her mom is alive, was involved in her life, and he checked the credit card he gave her, she bought that stuff at Walmart. I threw it away and she woke me up screaming that I'd gotten rid of her memories of her mom.

My boyfriend told her to stop being stupid, but she just kept it up. He ended up calling his ex, who seemed very normal so I have no idea how the hell they ended up with this kid, and his ex assured me she is alive and she doesn't know why her daughter is doing this.

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Now she hates me even more and he is threatening to kick her out if she keeps disrespecting me, but she says it is about the principle and I had no right to throw those things away.. Edit: She paid for these things with her father's money and he gave me permission to throw them away.

This family’s clash reveals the delicate balance of blending households under strain. The daughter’s behavior—lying about her mother’s death and referencing a nonexistent brother—raises red flags about her mental well-being. Meanwhile, discarding her items, even with permission, escalates the conflict, blurring lines of respect and authority.

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Dr. John F. Kelly, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Sudden behavioral changes or delusions, like fabricating a deceased parent, can signal underlying mental health issues, especially in young adults” (Psychology Today, 2023). This aligns with the daughter’s troubling actions, suggesting possible conditions like schizophrenia or severe emotional distress. Her fixation on “memorial” items, though deceptive, reflects a cry for attention or control in a disrupted family dynamic.

The broader issue here touches on mental health awareness in families. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), 1 in 5 young adults experiences a mental health condition, yet stigma often delays intervention (nami.org). The boyfriend’s quick dismissal and the woman’s impulsive act of throwing out items sidestep the root issue: the daughter’s need for professional support.

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Advice: The woman should initiate a calm conversation with her boyfriend to prioritize the daughter’s mental health evaluation, perhaps through a therapist or counselor. Setting clear household boundaries can prevent further clashes, but empathy is key—acknowledging the daughter’s distress without condoning deception. Resources like NAMI’s helpline can guide families toward support. Both adults must model respect to rebuild trust, ensuring the daughter feels heard while addressing her troubling behavior.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of fiery takes and sharp insights. Here’s what the community had to say about this tangled mess:

mrcarljames − NTA She needs mental help. Seriously she sounds like she needs some meds.

Kay_Elle − YTA - not just for throwing HER stuff away, but also for not seeing there's clearly something not ok with this girl and not getting her help. More so your partner than you, really, because she's his responsibility. I don't really know how to tell you this in any other way, but.... pretending your mom is dead (when she's not) or talking about a nonexistant brother is...deeply problematic behavior.

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Even the 'weird s**ual stuff' could tie into it. I'm not going to play armchair psychologist, but these could be symptoms of a number of SEVERE mental issues: psychosis, schizophrenia, etc. At no point in your story does she appear to be trolling or mocking - in fact she seems genuinely upset.. She NEEDS to see a doctor.

ISpeakWhaleDoYou − You need to get her mental help immediately. Like tonight. She is at the age when a lot of disorders (schizophrenia, bipolar, etc) start present themselves.

foobarney − I guess that should have been the first red flag because he doesn't have a son. INFO: What did her dad say to that? He didn't think it was strange that she compared herself to a son that doesn't exist?

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lynnrichardson − NTA while you had no right to throw away her property would have been better to box up or put in her room she's obviously damaged making up a lie that her mother's dead and she was completely out of line to talk to you the way she did. Be careful if someone is disturbed enough to act like that right after meeting you who knows what else she might be capable of doing or what other lies she might spread the next one might be about you.

[Reddit User] − What the heck three grown adults in this girls life and not a one of you realize she has a mental health disorder? You understand that this behaviour is not her being cruel or argumentative, but rather is a symptom of her brain being sick?. YTA and pleas get her help.

APinkSlime677 − YTA. Are you and your BF so delusional that you don't realize that this girl has mental issues and needs help? This is not normal behavior!! That girl is likely suffering in her own head from whatever psychosis is going on in there,

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and all both of you are doing is just mocking and gaslighting her? Are you kidding me? She needs serious mental help if she is to get better, not 2 pricks treating her like crap and making fun of her for something she clearly can't control

Fimbrethil2 − NTA It sounds like she has problems. There's no reason to lie about her mom being dead when that is something that can be easily confirmed and then try to keep up the lie. She probably bought the ugliest thing she could hoping you wouldn't like it and thought you wouldn't do anything about it to keep the peace or something like that.

I wouldn't doubt she was/is going to try to start taking control over everything. Sounds like she's trying to start something. Perhaps she's immature and jealous or feels threatened by you. Maybe she doesn't feel like her dad loves her much and is trying to get him to prove his love by choosing her over you.

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She might be trying to get his attention by any means possible. Whatever it is, it sounds like she needs some major help. As far as throwing the items away... soft yta, but I can see her putting them right back out there again so it'd be a stand off.

oceansofmyancestors − Nta. I agree this girl needs help, but OP is just stepping into this f**ked up situation, she has no context, and probably not an expert in mental health.

The real AH is the boyfriend, the girls father. What is he doing to help his daughter who is clearly struggling? What has he withheld from OP before he agreed to have his daughter come live with them?

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Where is the girls mother? Why are her parents so s**tty? Why is it being put on the OP to get help for a girl she BARELY knows? TBH, it seems like she barely knows her boyfriend! I would kick them both out and carry on with life, unless you’re in love with the guy, in which case, my deepest condolences

raptir1 − YTA, even if they don't belong to her 'dead' mother they are things she bought and you can't just throw away her property (I understand she bought it on her dad's credit card, but unless she violated some restriction of using the credit card that still makes it 'hers'. It's also not *your* credit card.). I will say though that it sounds like she might need therapy.

These opinions swing from sympathy for the daughter’s mental struggles to frustration with the adults’ handling of the situation. But do these hot takes capture the full picture, or are they just Reddit’s classic blend of armchair judgment and wit?

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This story leaves us with more questions than answers: a daughter’s strange lies, a girlfriend’s bold move, and a family teetering on the edge. Was throwing out those items a justified stand against deception, or a misstep that deepened the rift? The truth lies in navigating empathy and boundaries with care. What would you do if you were caught in this family storm? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar clash, and how did you handle it?

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