AITA for hanging up on my mum when she called me telling me she needed my help?

In a sterile hospital room, a 27-year-old woman lies in pain, fresh from a laparoscopy, only to hear her phone buzz with her mother’s voice demanding she drag herself home to pack bags and tend to cats. The sting of surgery is raw, but her mother’s insistence—that her brother’s social plans trump her recovery—cuts deeper. Hanging up was her only defense, yet now her family brands her the drama queen.

This Reddit saga, raw with hurt and frustration, shines a light on family expectations clashing with personal health. The woman’s struggle with endometriosis, dismissed by her kin, underscores a broader battle for empathy. Caught between recovery and relentless demands, her story begs the question: when does self-care outweigh family duty? Let’s dive into this heart-wrenching drama.

‘AITA for hanging up on my mum when she called me telling me she needed my help?’

My mother (69), my brother (39) and I (f, 27) live in the same house, but different flats. My brother doesn't talk to me anymore because he got upset that I disagreed with him on his birthday (in April). He since refused to be in the same room as me.

My mother is going on a 'treatment holiday', no idea how that's called in English, she's basically going to a specialised clinic where they'll treat her various little inconveniences (like allergy and asthma, not like illnesses, not to say those aren't bad, but so you know she isn't suffering from anything serious right now)

but she also gets free time as if on holiday. She leaves on Wednesday next week. I am to take care of her two cats and should originally be helping her pack her bags. Also, I was supposed to help her take the cats to the vet for a check up on Monday (next week).

I have been admitted to hospital on Wednesday this week, for a laparoscopy. Originally, this should have been done at a later date, but the hospital had a free spot. So I asked my mum and she said sure thing, if I get the laparoscopy on Wednesday I'd surely be out of hospital on Saturday (today) and ready to help her.

I haven't been feeling well after the surgery and yesterday I was in a bad place. I couldn't stand up bc I would just fall down and throw up, my wounds were bleeding, it was a mess. The doctors told me I have to stay till Monday or Tuesday. I texted my mum, told her, and tried to sleep.

She called me and said I needed to get out of hospital today to come back home and help her. That my brother shouldn't be bothered with this as he has plans with his friends. That I should pull myself together. I just hung up on her. Since, she has written me multiple e-mails and text messages telling me what an AH I am for hanging up on her and not coming home to help her.

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She has also informed the family and they are all furious with me. They say I'm just a drama queen as always. (They also think since the laparoscopy was bc of endometriosis, it was useless, bc endo is just some made up illness lazy women use to excuse their lazyness).. The only one on my side is my fiancé. So I am torn. AITA?

ETA: I am sorry for my clumsy wording regarding asthma and allergies. I only wanted to express that my mother does not urgently need any medical treatment. Asthma and allergies are very much real and serious illnesses and I am sorry for wording my post as if I didn't see it that way.. This needs a bit of background info, so bear with me. Also: non native speaker and on mobile.

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This hospital-room drama lays bare the toll of family insensitivity during medical recovery. The woman’s decision to hang up on her mother, who prioritized her own convenience over her daughter’s post-surgical pain, reflects a desperate need to protect her well-being. Her family’s dismissal of endometriosis as “made up” only deepens the wound, revealing a lack of empathy.

Endometriosis affects 1 in 10 women, often causing debilitating pain that surgery like a laparoscopy aims to address, per a 2023 report from the World Health Organization. The mother’s demand for help, coupled with her brother’s exemption, ignores this reality.

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Dr. Tamer Seckin, an endometriosis specialist, states, “Pain from endometriosis is often underestimated, leaving patients feeling invalidated by family and even medical professionals”. Here, the woman’s family echoes this bias, framing her as “lazy” while ignoring her medical needs. Her hang-up was a boundary, not a tantrum.

This story highlights broader issues of invisible illnesses and family dynamics. Open dialogue about health conditions could bridge understanding, while the mother might consider alternative help, like hiring a pet sitter. The woman’s fiancé offers a model of support—others could follow suit.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s take on this family clash is as fiery as a surgical wound! From outrage at the mother’s callousness to cheers for the woman’s self-preservation, the community’s reactions are a vibrant mix of empathy and indignation.

scrapped85 − NTA. Wth. Of course not. You are not the AH. As an adult, she can pack her own bags like any normal people do. 🙄

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Scarscantstopme − You are most definitely NTA. Your mom could have help from your brother but doesn’t want to inconvenience him. You’re stuck in a hospital but that’s not as good a reason as having pans with friends? Your mom needs to sort out her priorities. Rest, sleep a lot, listen to the doctors, and think about yourself right now. I hope you feel better soon.

jpp01 − NTA. Your family sounds really toxic.

[Reddit User] − NTA. You need to save up and move out of the adjoining flats situation because if it is always like this with them, you would be better having your own place to live further away from them.. You are ill and your brother has plans he would have to cancel.

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theshadowppl9 − NTA. That my brother shouldn't be bothered with this as he has plans with his friends. Plans with friends is more important than your health? That's a big no. Seems like your mother and brother are completely entitled and need to grow tf up. Only thing you should worry about right now is healing. You do not deserve that treatment or stress.

KRIEGTYR − what ??? of course you're NTA , you just had surgery and were literally told to stay in the hospital by doctors . you should be resting and just focusing on yourself . i hope you feel better soon !

radfordra1 − Im sorry but what the hell did I just read? If this is true get out of that and cut contact. NTA. Jesus…. Though as an aside allergies and asthma are very serious issues too. I have both along with anemia. It’s not a fun combo by any stretch.

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Beneficial_Cloud5481 − NTA. You were in the hospital recovering from surgery and the doctor doesn't want you to leave as early as you were planned to? Your mom should be worried about you and trying to help you. The bare minimum would be to sort out her packing on her own or with someone else's help, but she is totally the AH for getting other people involved in her bullying campaign..

How dare you be wounded at a time that inconveniences her? /s My mom would be contacting me constantly to ask if I needed anything. My daughter would just show up with fluffy socks and sketchbooks to mess with. Nobody should be adding to your stress right now! Your body is working hard to recover!

Ssshushpup23 − NTA they both just sound lazy and entitled, you are literally in the hospital fresh out of surgery. Your needs are greater than their ‘convenience’, period.

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theraptorswillrule − Sweet baby Jesus on a tricycle! As the owner of some very defective lady bits NTA! Just no. No no no no NO. Women's pain is far too normalised and dismissed. You have had keyhole surgery and bits of you potentially cut out. You have literally been stabbed! I

discovered that morphine doesn't agree with me a few years ago and told everyone before my lap. Woke up vomiting and popped my stitches- guess who was given morphine?Because wtf would I know about my body. This is not normal recovery hiccups and I would get a second opinion because you do not want infection!

These opinions rally behind her, but do they fully capture the sting of family dismissal?

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This heart-wrenching tale proves that family expectations can clash brutally with personal health. The woman’s hang-up was a cry for respect amid pain, yet her family’s judgment only deepened her struggle. With her fiancé as her sole ally, it’s a stark reminder to prioritize self-care. Have you ever faced family demands that ignored your health? What would you do in her hospital bed? Share your stories below!

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