AITA for refusing to forgive my ex so his mistress can “have” him?

In a quiet suburban home, the sting of betrayal lingers like an unwelcome guest. Three years ago, a woman’s world unraveled when her husband, citing marital struggles, asked for a break—only to plunge into an affair days later. Now, his girlfriend has emerged from the shadows, demanding forgiveness to free him from guilt and secure their future. The audacity sparks a fire in her chest, reigniting old wounds.

Why should she absolve a man who shattered her trust? Readers can’t help but lean in, wondering if she’s justified in standing her ground or if bitterness is clouding her judgment. This tale of heartbreak and boundaries pulls us into a messy, human conflict, where emotions clash and closure feels just out of reach.

‘AITA for refusing to forgive my ex so his mistress can “have” him?’

I don’t know how to start this. It’s very complicated and intertwined and I’m very bad at putting my feelings into words and even if I did I don’t want to make this too long for you guys. So I will try to compress it to a few paragraphs and I will answer any questions for additional details that you deem necessary.

My husband and I had some marital issues after the birth of our second baby. There was no lack of love or affection (at least that’s what he told me). We still loved each other and we we’re basically in a rough place. My husband met his now gf at work and I guess he developed some form av feelings for her and her for him.

He came to me one day and said that he loved me so much but that e wanted a break for a few months because we needed to work on our issues separately . I was heartbroken but I agreed thinking we were going to work on out marriage. Not a week later I heard he was sleeping with another woman. I filed for divorce and haven’t seen him since.

This was all 3 years ago. Our divorce was finalized 2 years ago. He has tried throughout the years to get in contact with me but I refuse to even open his emails because I miss him and I know what he would be saying. Empty sorries and apologies. For me he cheated even if not everyone agrees because “we were on a break”.

His gf contacted me now asking me to forgive him because according to her he is refusing to make their relationship official. According to her, they love each other but he is refusing to propose or start a family with her because he feels guilty what he done to me. He tells her they didn’t deserve happiness and she thinks it’s all my fault.

I just wrote please don’t contact me again and blocked her on fb. She used alternative account and wrote that I’m bitter and vindictive. Aita for refusing to …………. ? Help my ex’s mistress playing family with him? How is that even on me?

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This tangled tale of infidelity and guilt is a stark reminder that trust, once broken, leaves scars that don’t easily fade. The woman’s refusal to forgive her ex-husband reflects a deep need for self-preservation, while his girlfriend’s bold demand highlights a clash of perspectives. He seeks absolution; she seeks peace. Both are valid, yet neither owes the other closure.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Trust is built in very small moments, and when those are betrayed, rebuilding is a choice, not an obligation”. The woman’s choice to block contact aligns with protecting her emotional health. Infidelity, even during a “break,” often violates unspoken marital commitments—63% of Americans view such acts as cheating, per a 2018 YouGov poll.

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The broader issue here is emotional accountability. The ex-husband’s guilt may stall his new relationship, but projecting that onto his ex-wife sidesteps his responsibility. The girlfriend’s frustration, while human, misplaces blame. For the woman, setting boundaries is key—therapists often recommend no-contact policies post-divorce to foster healing. She might consider therapy to process lingering pain, ensuring her strength doesn’t mask unresolved hurt.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s peanut gallery didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of fiery support and sly humor. Here’s a taste of their candid takes, proving the internet never lacks opinions on love and loyalty.

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Right_Bee_9809 − I think your ex husband has zero interest in marrying this woman and is using this whole forgiveness thing as a way out. I wonder what would happen if you said 'sure I forgive him'. One thing I don't understand is his relationship with the children you had together with him. Does he not see them at all?

ZestycloseSky8765 − NTA I’m very proud of you for divorcing. Too many people will put up with this misery. And sorry but my opinion is when you are married and on a break you are still married, so his cheating isn’t ok.

You thought you were going to reconcile there was no conversation about seeing other people. You don’t owe him or his gf anything and the fault is his. He cheated while you were thinking you were working on your marriage. Just ignore these fools.

temp7727 − “Bitter and vindictive.” That’s rich coming from a home-wrecking whore.. NTA. You owe them nothing. Edit because I’m tired of responding to this: whether or not you think the AP is culpable, whether or not you think the ex told the AP,

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OP does not owe her ex forgiveness for the sake of appeasing his new girlfriend. That’s for them to work out and is not OP’s problem. And refusing to forgive someone isn’t “vindictive”. She doesn’t owe either of them anything. She’s not even bothering them. Explain to me which part is vindictive.

Former_Fish − Love your karma revenge

No-Mango8923 − Wow, he's full of b/s excuses to everyone, isn't he?. wanted a break for a few months because we needed to work on our issues separately. b/s - he wanted to play the field.

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he is refusing to propose or start a family with her because he feels guilty what he done to me. HAHAHAHAHAHA b/s he's stringing her along too. Obviously she's going to blame you.

Forgiveness is irrelevant, you guys are divorced now, end of story. He just doesn't want to commit to her.. NTA - this is no longer your problem.. ​ EDIT: Important question: what if you tell her you DO forgive him... what will be his b/;s excuse to her then? :) That would land him right in the middle of s**t street with her as they could no longer use you as the imaginary obstacle in their relationship.

Huge_Answer4287 − He wanted a break so he could sleep with her without feeling guilty. His dumb ass thought you would take him back after he had a little fun, and he ended up being wrong. You are not the least bit responsible for the decisions he makes now, whether or not they actually do have anything to do with you.

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GhostofTotalStranger − Keep blocking her forever lol

forcryingoutmeow − NTA. Affair skank and her feefees are not your problem. She made this bed, and now she can lie in it.

According_Ad6364 − NTA, you don’t owe anyone your forgiveness. Although one question, you have kids together, how do you have no contact at all?

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Ulfasso − NTA.. Your ex is a dumbfuck and according to your answers you need therapy.. Don't let it get to you, block them and go on with your life, you don't owe him s**t.

But do these spicy Reddit quips hold up in the real world? Or are they just armchair therapists tossing out hot takes?

This story leaves us pondering the weight of forgiveness and the power of boundaries. The woman’s choice to block her ex and his girlfriend isn’t just about holding a grudge—it’s about reclaiming her peace. Forgiveness is personal, not a ticket for others to move on. What would you do if faced with a similar demand? Share your thoughts—have you ever had to draw a hard line to protect your heart?

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