AITA for not letting my finances kids attend our wedding?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine a sunlit venue, where wedding bells promise a night of grown-up glamour, free from sippy cups and tantrums. A couple, deep in love and planning their big day, decides on a 21+ celebration, with one exception: their son as ring-bearer. But when save-the-dates declare “no kids,” the fiancé’s sister unleashes a storm, demanding her unruly sons join the party.

Her fury escalates at a family dinner, accusing the couple of hypocrisy for including their son briefly. As her tirade sours the mood, the couple stands firm, but doubts creep in. This tale of wedding plans and family clashes pulls readers into a relatable tussle over boundaries, fairness, and the chaos of blending families.

‘AITA for not letting my finances kids attend our wedding?’

So my fiance and I are getting married next summer. There has been a lot of planning and discussion and he and I have both agreed that we want a 21+ older wedding. I have nothing against children, we have one of our own. We just decided that we wanted a more adult friendly wedding.

We sent out save the dates recently. The save the dates are very clear thats its a 'no kids' wedding, and no exceptions will be made. My fiancé's sister got hers last week and called fiancé to let him know that 'my' demand to exclude her kids from the wedding was unreasonable.

She has 2 sons, who are fairly unruly, but the decision had nothing to do eith them specifically. My fiancé politely explained that this was our wedding, the decision was mutual, and she can't bring them. Although angry she finally quit arguing.

Fast forward to yesterday- my fiancé casually brought up that our son will be ring-bearer while at dinner at his sisters house. She immediately snapped that he shouldn't be allowed to be in our wedding since its 'grown ups only'.

I explained that we wanted him to be involved in the ceremony for pics, etc but that we had planned to arrange a sitter to come get him for the rest of the day/night  Fiancée sister threw a FIT stating its not fair that our son is involved but hers aren't. She claims that I am 'the ass hole' for breaking my own rule, and not letting her break the rule too.. AITA?. 

Wedding planning often stirs family tensions, and this sister-in-law’s outburst highlights clashing expectations. Dr. Pauline Boss, a family therapist, notes in Loving Someone Who Has Dementia (Family Psychology), “Family conflicts arise when boundaries are unclear or disrespected.” The couple’s clear no-kids rule, with a limited exception for their son’s ceremonial role, is a reasonable boundary, yet the sister-in-law’s entitlement challenges their autonomy.

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Her accusation of unfairness ignores the unique role of the couple’s son in their wedding. Surveys show 60% of couples opt for child-free weddings to ensure an adult-focused event (The Knot, 2024, Wedding Trends). The sister-in-law’s demand to include her sons disregards this vision, escalating into a power struggle rather than a discussion.

Dr. Boss advises addressing family disputes with firm, empathetic communication. The couple could reiterate their reasoning calmly, offering to help with babysitting solutions. This maintains their stance while showing goodwill, reducing tension.

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For readers, setting clear event boundaries and communicating them early prevents such clashes. If faced with similar pushback, stand firm but offer practical compromises, like helping with childcare, to keep the peace without sacrificing your vision.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit gang didn’t hold back, serving up a buffet of support with a dash of shade. From calling out the sister-in-law’s entitlement to backing the couple’s right to set rules, the comments were a lively roast. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

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[Reddit User] − NTA - your wedding is no kids. Your own kids don’t count as kids BECAUSE ITS YOUR WEDDING. Good grief. So much entitlement for families. If your kids are going to be in the wedding and you have childcare for them that’s a bonus for YOU. Your (future) SIL needs to stay in her lane, get a babysitter and enjoy your wedding.

momus22 − NTA. people do this all the time. Your child is much different because it's his parents big day. If it was her big day, she could make the rules, but it isn't.

NotUntilTheFishJumps − NTA, I would seriously consider uninviting her, she is certainly acting like a child, and your wedding is adults only.. And it's your fiancé's kids, or niece/nephew???

Fickle_Session − Wait wait wait....let me get this straight. This chick wants her nephew to not see his father get married because her kids can not? I read that correctly? Yeah nta.

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yknjs- − NTA. You've made a blanket rule with one reasonable exception, your own child. It's perfectly understandable that you want him at the ceremony but it doesn't sound like he will be attending the whole event, which your future SIL seems to have decided her kids are entitled to.. Hold your ground, and if she carries on, talk to your fiancée about uninviting her.

It sounds extreme but if this continues and you do want her to come, considering arranging some kind of security to prevent her bringing her kids along, because if she's this entitled now, it's only likely to get worse as the event draws closer and it's the kind of thing entitled assholes do; try to force your hand by just showing up under the conditions they tried to demand thinking you wouldn't dare stop them.

reddit_user82 − So it's not your fiancees kids, it's gonna be your future nephews that aren't allowed to come, right?

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[Reddit User] − NTA. It's your wedding, and you don't have to have kids there if you don't want to (except for the one task at the ceremony only). It's not her wedding.

milamia4 − NTA - you’re allowed to make your own rules for your wedding, and this is a very reasonable one. Your fiancé’s sister is acting very entitled, it’s your own wedding???

Of course you would want your own son to be a part of it?? That’s a completely different issue to allowing everyone else to bring their kids too, and your son won’t even be there for the rest of the event after the ceremony

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LiteralTrash1892 − NTA you’re not breaking your own rule and even if she thinks you are it’s your wedding so do as you gosh dang please. Of course her kids aren’t gonna be involved at all it’s not her wedding in any way shape or form and she needs to get over that or not go at all.

ThiccDique − Its your wedding and you can do whatever you want, so Imma say NTA. Tell her she can skip out on going to the wedding if she think it's such a big deal. I have a question though, would you allow your fiance's sister to bring her kids if she set up a similar plan, having her kids be present for the actual ceremony and then getting picked up afterwards?

Redditors rallied behind the couple, slamming the sister-in-law’s tantrum as childish. Some suggested uninviting her; others saw her demands as a grab for control. But do these spicy takes solve the drama, or just stir the pot?

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This wedding saga shows how quickly family expectations can derail a couple’s dream day. The couple’s choice to keep their son briefly in the spotlight while banning other kids sparked a fiery debate about fairness and control. Their story challenges us to balance personal vision with family pressures. What would you do if a relative challenged your big-day rules? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s untangle this one!

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