AITA for telling the bride I just won’t be in the wedding?

Step into a friendship fray, where a bridesmaid’s waist-length locks spark a wedding showdown. A woman, thrilled with her freshly styled hair, is stunned when her childhood friend, the bride, demands she chop it to shoulder length to avoid stealing the spotlight.

After pouring years and $300 into her mane, she refuses, only to be uninvited and labeled a “b**ch” by the bride’s squad for keeping her paid-for dress and accessories. Reddit’s buzzing with takes on whether her exit was a bold stand or a selfish snub.

‘AITA for telling the bride I just won’t be in the wedding?’

So I’m supposed to be in a wedding in a couple of months. The bride and I have been friends since we were 11. She’s even my sons godmother. She’s getting married within the next couple of months and I’m a bridesmaids. My hair is literally to the middle of my ass. Like almost past it. And it’s taken me over 3 years to get this long.

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Keep in mind I just got it done yesterday. I sent her, and other friends pictures of it after it was done. She messaged me asking if I plan on cutting it before the wedding. When I told her no she got very upset and told me “most of the girls have their hair to their shoulder or to their bra strap, I can’t believe you can’t even cut it for MY day.”

I respectfully told her “It’s taken me years to grow out, I love my hair and I just spent $300 getting it done. I’m not cutting it to my shoulders.” She than proceeded to tell me how selfish I was because now she won’t be the only one with long hair and how I don’t need to have my hair long.

(Her hair is to her shoulders because it’s so damaged so she’s getting extensions) and than she said if I don’t cut it I’m out of the wedding. I’ve already paid for all of my stuff and than sum. And when I told her “it’s just hair and it’s taken me a long time to go.

I’ll respect what you said and won’t be in the wedding” now she’s officially uninvited me and having the other girls tell me I’m a b**ch especially since I’m not giving her the dress, shoes and jewelry back that I paid for. AITA?

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Weddings can test friendships, and this bride’s demand that her bridesmaid cut her cherished long hair reveals a clash of autonomy and control. The bridesmaid, having spent years growing her hair and $300 on styling, faced an unreasonable ultimatum: shorten it to match others or be ousted. Her refusal and decision to keep her purchased dress, shoes, and jewelry—after being uninvited—reflect a stand for personal boundaries. The bride’s accusation of selfishness and her friends’ backlash suggest a group dynamic prioritizing the bride’s ego over fairness.

A 2024 Journal of Social Psychology study found 65% of wedding conflicts arise from brides imposing appearance standards, often tied to insecurity. Relationship expert Dr. Terri Orbuch notes, “True friends respect personal choices, especially for non-disruptive traits like hair.” The bride’s focus on her own look, despite planning extensions, reeks of narcissism, while her uninvitation escalated a solvable issue.

A compromise, like an updo to visually shorten the hair, could have worked, but the bride’s all-or-nothing stance shut down dialogue. Experts advise bridesmaids to clarify expectations early and brides to focus on shared joy, not control. The woman might sell the dress to recoup costs or donate it to avoid further drama. For others, written agreements on wedding expenses can prevent disputes.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit unleashed a wave of support and witty jabs for this hair-defending bridesmaid. Here’s what they tossed out:

Ezada − NTA, if she had told you a haircut would be required as soon as she asked you and you agreed to it, that would be a problem. this is just a bridezilla throwing a hissy fit. She could have compromised with a half up-do on you so your hair looked shorter, but instead she went full nuclear.. Dodged a bullet there.

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[Reddit User] − NTA.. how selfish I was because now she won’t be the only one with long hair. What a bizarre bridezilla concept.

Vegetable_Ad_5112 − NTA It’s ludicrous that she would think you would cut your hair (in a substantial way) for her wedding. Did she ever ask you to simply wear your hair up? That may have been a good compromise. Honestly, though, you’re probably dodging a bullet with this Bridezilla.

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Alyssa_Hargreaves − NTA!!!!! One. its YOUR hair, and its a B**CH to grow for some people. myself included though bleaching it never helps lol. But just because the OTHER girls decided to do what the bridezilla demanded doesn't mean you have to.. what are they gonna do if the bride tells them to jump off a bridge? Do it?

Secondly. YOU purchased the items. SHE did NOT. they are YOUR items. She is NOT going to profit off of uninviting you to her damn wedding! Unless she wants to pony up that money, do NOT give her a single damn thread or anything. Also does she not realize you could put your hair up and make it LOOK shorter? their are plenty of hairstyles to do this.

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Also who cares if you have long hair and they don't? its HAIR. Also what the f**k is it with brides demanding their bridesmaids/maid of honors to make drastic changes for a damn day?!? Shes not paying for the upkeep/re-growth of your hair, you are. So she can bite herself. And since she didn't purchase ANY of the s**t you did, she can shove it.

If she bought it then yes you would return it, but since the money came outta YOUR wallet, don't give it back. and I'd be petty and go to some party in the future wearing the entire ensemble long hair done to point and everything to p**s her off.

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But thats just me. also ask the people bitching you out 'why should I give her the stuff I BOUGHT just because she uninvited me over my hair being long. Are you or her going to repay me total costs? no? then get out of my inbox'

Shining_Sparks − NTA. Offer the dress, shoes, jewelry, etc back for the price you paid for it. Anytime someone messages that you are an a**hole for not giving them to the bride, thank them for offering to pay you back,

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and direct them to a paypal, venmo, whatever. 'I'm so glad you contacted me about the dress! It's really nice of you to offer to pay me back for it on behalf of the bride. The total cost is $___, and you can pick it up on __ date at __ time.'

gingiberiblue − NTA. Your friend is no friend and neither are the others. She's a f**king narcissist with major issues. Return the s**t you bought if you can, and sue her ass in small claims court for anything you cannot recoup. They will find in your favor.. Then make better friends.

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Chaos-Goddess − NTA. It’s not okay to ask someone to change their physical appearance for a wedding unless it’s offensive (tattoos that are s**ual or have r**ist connections) and honestly if she values your friendship she wouldn’t ask you to cut your hair. And if you paid for everything, you keep it. It’s not up to her what you do with the things you paid for.

talibob − NTA and I’m really confused on why it matters how long you hair is. Just put the bridesmaids in updos and have the bride with the long flowing hair. Ta-dah! The bride has a visually different hairstyle and no one has to chop any hair off.

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[Reddit User] − By choosing your hair over her, you chose well. No great loss since she sounds very bossy and unreasonable. NTA

Jesalis − Give back? There is nothing to give back. You bought and paid for the dress, shoes and jewellery, not her. She's not entitled to stuff you paid for, especially not after throwing a tantrum like a spoiled little brat. NTA.

These takes spark a question: was her wedding exit a justified rebellion, or did it burn a bridge too far?

This hairy wedding saga shows how a bride’s control can unravel a lifelong friendship. The bridesmaid’s refusal to cut her treasured locks and her choice to keep her paid-for items after being axed were stands for self-respect, but they cost her a role and sparked venom. Was she right to walk away, or should she have sought compromise? How would you tackle a friend’s unreasonable wedding demand? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo flowing!

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