Aita for wanting a full reimbursement on my bridesmaid dress after future SIL replaced me?

Picture a vibrant college student, buzzing with excitement to stand by her brother’s side at his dream wedding, only to find herself sidelined over a splash of rainbow hair. In a whirlwind of sisterly support and a pricey $950 dress, this 22-year-old’s wedding role unraveled when her future sister-in-law (SIL) swapped her out of the bridal party with barely an apology. What started as a colorful act of friendship turned into a family feud over money, fairness, and bridal aesthetics.

The sting of rejection hit hard, but the real burn came when the SIL demanded the dress for free, leaving our heroine grappling with a drained savings account and a chorus of critics calling her petty. This tale of loyalty, betrayal, and a very expensive dress invites readers to dive into a wedding drama that’s as dazzling as it is divisive.

‘Aita for wanting a full reimbursement on my bridesmaid dress after future SIL replaced me?’

Our country has no restrictions and we are allowed to have parties and weddings if we follow some state imposed rules. My (22f)s brother (23m) is getting married on January 2021 to S (31f). She wanted a very uniform aesthetic wedding and only selected her blonde friends and me as her bridesmaids so that everyone would look the same.

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I still think it's stupid but since she didn't force or ask any of her friends to dye their hair (not to my knowledge at least), I shut my mouth.. Now to the ah part, A, one of my bestest friends from my friend group finally came out as gay to her very strict Asian parents and they kicked her out.

She was devastated and was staying with one of my friends. We had a girls night, got really drunk and did something stupid. We all shaved our hair, bleached it and colored it different colors of the rainbow flag to show support.

Looked kind of stupid but she seemed really happy to see her friends supporting her and at the end of the day, it's just hair. Who cares. The next day when I was sober, I called my SIL and told her what I had done. There was still almost 4 months to the wedding and if she wanted to replace me, she could have.

She said it was alright and in November, we picked out the bridesmaid dresses ($950 for one). It was expensive and I had to pay it all for myself. My SIL never commented on my hair whenever we saw each other and never told me she had a problem..

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Last week on family dinner, she pulled me aside to tell me I was being replaced. But since I already bought the dress, she wanted me to give the dress to her friend to try it on. if it fits, she will keep it and if it doesn't, she will try altering it or buy a new one.

I was a bit sad because I had asked her several times before this and she always said it was okay. I told her, her friend can keep her dress and I would need a full reimbursement for it. She told me it was not possible and since she was going to be family,

she wanted me to give her the dress for free so that even if her friend can't fit into my dress, they could try returning it to the store and buying a new one in a different size. I am a college student and I had to spend a large chunk of my savings to buy that dress. I want full reimbursement.

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I asked her why she didn't tell me before we went dress shopping and she told me she didn't want to hurt my feelings and kept her mouth shut. I was mad. I told her I don't want to keep that dress and I needed a full reimbursement no matter what she does with that dress.

She went and cried to my brother and he sided with her and they both left. My parents don't want me to start 'drama'. If they want me to keep my mouth shut, I wanty parents or my brother to give me that money which they refused to do.

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Now, everyone thinks I am being petty and some of my ex co bridesmaids messaged me on Instagram calling me a petty, money hungry b**ch who does not know the value of family which is way more valuable than money.. Aita? Am I being petty? Now I am confused.

Weddings can turn even the sweetest family ties into a tangle of expectations, and this bridesmaid’s ousting over rainbow hair is a classic case of bridal priorities clashing with personal expression. The SIL’s insistence on a uniform aesthetic—down to blonde-only bridesmaids—raises eyebrows, but her demand for a $950 dress without reimbursement is the real head-scratcher. This saga highlights the financial and emotional toll of wedding roles.

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The SIL’s delay in addressing the hair issue, despite multiple check-ins, suggests either indecision or manipulation. A 2022 survey by The Knot found that 30% of bridesmaids spend over $500 on dresses, often straining budgets, especially for students. Here, the expectation to gift the dress ignores the student’s financial reality, creating an unfair burden.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman emphasizes, “Fairness in family dynamics requires open communication and mutual respect”. The SIL’s silence until after the purchase feels like a bait-and-switch, undermining trust. Her claim of sparing feelings doesn’t hold up when the dress’s cost is dismissed.

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For solutions, the woman should stand firm on returning the dress or securing reimbursement, possibly involving her brother to mediate. If the store allows returns, that’s the simplest path. Open dialogue with the SIL about the financial strain could reset boundaries.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s got no chill when it comes to this wedding drama, and the comments are as bold as that rainbow hair! From slamming the SIL’s pricey dress demands to cheering the bridesmaid’s stand, the community’s got plenty to say. Here’s the scoop:

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PlaneJaneLane03 - NTA. She’s TA for having a damn near thousand dollar bridesmaid dress, making you buy it, relaxing you in the bridal party and expecting you to eat the cost. You could’ve worn a wig. DO NOT give up that dress for free.

She can add that to her wedding expenses if she wants it back. I would show up to her wedding in the dress (as a guest) if I didn’t get my money back. Your brother needs to stick up for you and demand repayment.

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redmahkupbag - NTA. She didn’t tell you because she wanted you to buy the dress to give to someone else. She knew this whole time she wasn’t letting you be a bridesmaid

SanneS1 - She is replacing you as bridesmaid because of something unimportant like hair... So she doesn't know the value of family imo. You are NTA, she is! Also why should you gift a 1000 dollar dress, that's insane!

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AgonyUncleCharlie - NTA. Your brother sure picked a winner, didn't he? /s

LittleNickey432 - NTA, Her excuse of 'not wanting to hurt your feelings' was s**tty and if she really didn't want to hurt you, she would either have kept you as a bridesmaid or told you she would replace you when you asked months ago.

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LopsidedCauliflower8 - NTA. Why would you be expected to basically gift a ONE THOUSAND dollar dress to someone? Insane.

[Reddit User] - NTA. Is this the same chick who is demanding the groomsman cut off his man bun? Yeesh. Hopefully you can get your money back ($950 for a bridesmaid dress?Really?!?) and luckily you no longer have to deal w this Bridezilla as a bridesmaid.

loudesttown - BIG NTA - 'I'm entitled to your stuff and money because I'm your family'...... fck off, Bridezilla. Don't even read what her squad of entitled minions have to say.. and your brother and parents: any rational mind would detect that SIL is wrong,

if they want to enable her wrongdoings, well that's on them, not on you. Stand your ground. P.S. family is not a signed paper, not even biology. Family is something deeper that she's not even close to qualified for. So, no, she's not your family

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dodgerecharger - NTA Can't you just return the dress to the shop?

magnitudearhole - NTA. Hard NTA. Seems like she knew already that she’d kick you out of her aryan wedding line up but decided to get a free dress out of you. Return it.

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These Reddit hot takes are louder than a wedding DJ, but do they nail the real issue? Is it about money, fairness, or just a bridezilla gone wild?

This wedding tale is a rollercoaster of loyalty, aesthetics, and cold hard cash, leaving a young woman caught between family drama and an empty wallet. The SIL’s dress grab and refusal to reimburse spark a fiery debate about fairness and family values. Would you fight for your $950 or let it slide to keep the peace? Drop your thoughts, stories, or wedding woes below—what’s your take on this colorful conundrum?

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