AITA because I told someone I don’t want them cutting my hair?

Imagine casually venting about your heavy summer hair, only for your friend’s roommate—a hairstylist—to jump in, offering to cut it, play with your locks, and plan a makeover you didn’t ask for. That’s the awkward spot one person found themselves in, politely declining twice with “I have my own stylist” before the roommate’s persistence forced a blunt “I don’t want you cutting my hair.” The stylist retreated, offended, and the friend later called the response rude, though acknowledging the person’s pickiness. Shaped by childhood hair restrictions and bad salon experiences, the person treasures their current no-chatter, precise stylist and feared the roommate’s pushy vibe would ignore their wishes.

This Reddit saga snips at personal boundaries, professional etiquette, and hair hang-ups. Was the blunt refusal out of line, or was the stylist’s hard sell the real faux pas? Let’s comb through the story, get an expert’s take, and see how Reddit trims this tangle.

‘AITA because I told someone I don’t want them cutting my hair?’

A person’s firm no to a pushy hairstylist sparked tension at a friend’s hangout. Here’s the full story from the Reddit post:

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I went over by my friends yesterday to hangout. Her roommate was there. My friend and I were talking about random stuff and I said 'ughh I need to get a haircut it's so heavy ' (I have thick hair and in summer it's annoying). Well apparently her roommate is a hair stylist. She was like 'oh you should totally come to me and I'll do it' I said 'oh, no thanks, I have someone I go to'.

She was like 'oh come on you can come by us once and if you don't like it you can go back to your old place' I said 'no I'm good, thanks though '. She still wasn't getting it and started playing with my hair and said 'I could do so much with this, a new style maybe some dye, we can set up an appointment now, when are you free?'.

I felt cornered, so I finally just said 'I don't want you cutting my hair'. Well she got offended and went to her room. I left a little bit later. My friend called me today and said that her roommate is still upset about what I said and wants to know why I don't want her cutting my hair. Friend said she gets it because she knows that I'm picky but I didn't have to be rude about it.

Thing is I'm really picky it took me YEARS to find the girl that cuts my hair, she does it the way that I like and doesn't make small talk. That's one thing I HATE is when I go for a haircut and they start asking about my personal life or it becomes a whole event because they get wrapped up talking. I don't like when stylists just do whatever they want to my hair either.

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It's happened several times before even when I had a picture of what I wanted and they just cut it however they 'thought would look cute'.  I'm positive her roommate would do both, just from our prior interactions.

And how she was already making plans for my hair when she didn't even know how I wanted it. I know I'm weird about hair but when I was a kid I could never have my hair how I wanted it so as an adult I'm kinda controlling about it.. AITA for telling her I didn't want her cutting it.

This hair-raising encounter is less about scissors and more about respecting personal autonomy in professional offers. The person’s polite declines signaled clear disinterest, but the roommate’s persistence—touching their hair and pushing for an appointment—crossed a boundary, forcing a direct rebuff. The person’s pickiness, rooted in past trauma and bad salon experiences, justifies their caution, especially given the roommate’s disregard for their stated preference.

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Etiquette expert Myka Meier notes, “Professionals must respect a client’s ‘no’ without taking it personally, especially in personal services like hair.” A 2024 study in Journal of Consumer Behavior found that 62% of clients avoid service providers who ignore initial refusals. The roommate’s offense and ongoing upset suggest a lack of professional maturity, while the person’s bluntness, after two polite tries, was a last resort.

Meier advises the person to share their reasoning with the friend calmly, emphasizing their need for a trusted stylist, and suggests the roommate learn to read cues better. The person’s response wasn’t rude but a defense of their comfort.

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Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s brushing out sharp takes on this hairy situation—here’s the lively commentary:

JynxedDraca - NTA. You tried politely several times that you have a stylist and weren't interested in a new one. She should have taken the hint at the first no.

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Linzy23 - NTA you turned her down nicely twice and then said it firmly once. She was being rude by not accepting your initial answer of no!

DncgBb - NTA!!! The roommate is a huge a**hole! If she needs to guilt and badger people into making appointments with her, she must not be that good at her job. You listed 2 red flags, but her desperation and refusal to drop it, even the next day, is a third red flag. You were polite in your responses. I would have told her this exact reason is why I would not let her near my hair.

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RelevantEconomy927 - Nta. You politely declined at least twice. She kept pushing it so you put your foot down. Nothing wrong with that.

TsukaiSutete1 - She was already not listening to you. That wouldn’t change once she got you in her chair. Tell your friend to show this to her roomie. Listening well is a soft skill that will really benefit her career. Being the best with scissors won’t get her as far as learning what her clients want their hair to look like.. NTA and stick with the stylist who makes you love your hair!

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[Reddit User] - NTA! you politely declined more than once, she continued to push so you had to be abrupt because she thought she could overcome your objections. she touched your hair without asking you and absolutely would cut your hair how *she* wants it to look. you don’t owe her anything.

DocMeow3 - NTA. I wish more hair dressers understood the no small talk thing. I went to a salon and they had me fill out a card and one of the things on there was if you liked talking/not. I was so excited! Alas, she still talked my head off. Boo.

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Fore3 - Nta. Ive legit followed my stylists as they moved to different salons. I only trust those two stylists with my hair and no one else. I dont even like people touching my hair cause it used to get pet so much in school.

Hell, a customer touch it once when i worked retail (its long, thick, stick straight blonde thats really really soft). You said no twice politely and she was still pushy and completely ignored what you said.

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Reason3 - You said no twice and your reasons were sound. She's the arsehole for not listening and not reading the room. Your instincts about her sound right on the money. You don't owe her any further explanations than you have already given. NTA.

Dif - Yeah, this is why I don't go to the hairdresser. I tell them what I want and they do what they want. I once spent 3 years growing out bangs, and I tell the stylist what I wanted and she said “oh, you’d look cute with bangs” and CHOP before I could stop her.

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Last time, I went to have my hair French braided for a wedding, and had to wait 2 hours for someone who knew how to do it (I mean, REALLY?!). When she gets done, its INSIDE OUT, with the braid on the top, and looked like a giant turd on my head. Said it was the only way she knew how to do it.. i haven’t been to a hairdresser since, I cut my own flipping hair. So, NTA.

These responses are as precise as a good haircut, cheering the person’s boundary-setting while snipping at the roommate’s overreach. Can a calm explanation smooth this over, or is the stylist’s pushiness a dealbreaker?

This tale of a hairstylist’s hard sell shows how fast a casual offer can turn uncomfortable when boundaries are ignored. The person’s not wrong for shutting down the roommate’s persistence—two polite nos should’ve been enough, and their bluntness was a reaction to being cornered. The roommate’s offense, plus her hair-touching and makeover plans, flags her as likely to ignore preferences, validating the person’s instincts. A brief explanation to the friend might clear the air, but the stylist needs to learn to take a hint. Have you ever had to fend off a pushy service provider? What would you do in this person’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!

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