AITA for literally ignoring my mother when she popped by unannounced?

Imagine a sunny Sunday morning, where two new moms are hustling to pack for a cozy brunch, their newborn daughter cooing in the background. The air is thick with the promise of family time—until an uninvited car rolls up, carrying a grandmother with a knack for ignoring boundaries. One mom, fed up with her mother’s habit of steamrolling their parenting, makes a bold call: pretend she’s not even there. It’s a moment that feels like a scene from a sitcom, but the stakes are real.

This story dives into the heart of new parenthood, where joy meets exhaustion, and family ties are tested by unannounced visits. The couple’s decision to shut out the intrusive grandmother sparks a family feud, with relatives crying foul. It’s a relatable clash of love, respect, and the fierce need to protect one’s space. Readers can’t help but wonder: was this a justified stand or a step too far?

‘AITA for literally ignoring my mother when she popped by unannounced?’

My wife (30f) and I (32f, we're both women) are new parents to a baby girl. This is pretty big since just a few months ago we had our hearts broken (if anyone remembers my last post before it was taken down, we didn't pursue it further because it was just too much)

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Saying as we never thought that we'd have a baby so quickly (though we are 150% over the moon!) we've also had a lot to learn as new parents. My wife's parents are perfect and amazing, they always help out even if they only pop by for an hour.

My mom, on the other hand, has a lot to say and butts in constantly. Pouts when we ask for the baby back, talks like the baby ('Mommy wants to take you away from Gramma, but I won't let her!' 'Princess demands that Gramma changes her into a pretty outfit, Mommy put me in a BORING ONE.')

I have no more patience for my mom's steamrolling, especially since she's barely acknowledged my nephews since the baby came home. She even objects to her name and insists that we change it or call her by a nickname she deems acceptable.

My mom's behavior is nothing new to me, so I told her several times not to drop in without calling, if she's 5 minutes away or 30 it doesn't matter. I don't want guests dropping in to sit in my messy living room to play with the baby while ignoring my wife and I, that doesn't fly with me.

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On Sunday we were going to my IL's house for brunch and time to relax. I told my mom 3 times when we spoke on the phone during the week that we weren't taking visitors this weekend and had plans. Wife and I were getting ready to leave. She was with the baby when I brought the diaper bag and stuff to the car.

Who pulled up when my wife came out? My mom. I was already frustrated so I went right up to my wife, told her to pretend that she's not here and don't even look at her. Mom starts talking at me (where are we going and why, how long we'll be) and I walk past her.

Wife put the baby in the carseat, my mom said she was doing it wrong, as soon as my wife is in the car I look at my mom and ask why she didn't call. Mom insists she doesn't have to call when she was already down the street, I told her that's not how this works.

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My daughter is not a show pony and I am sick of her acting like she knows best while disrespecting my wife and I. Until she actually calls before she visits, we will not entertain her anymore. When we returned home, my mom was waiting in her car for us.

I had a feeling that she'd do something like that. Wifey and I had agreed to just ignore her and walk right past her when she tried to follow us. It was a little rude of me but I shut the door in her face. She called my cell over and over again waiting to be let inside but I just let it ring.

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Needless to say I have been flooded with messages from relatives saying that I acted childish and cruel, how dare I keep my daughter away from her grandmother. The only people on our side are my sister and in-laws.. So tell me: am I an a**hole for ignoring my mom the way I did?

Edit: Thanks for all the feedback so far. Post has only been up for an hour and I feel vindicated. Wifey and I already decided to put my mom and several other relatives on timeout. Especially since a lot of them showed no interest in our lives till we had a baby.

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Tells us all we need to know about their priorities. Once my mother is in a calmer headspace I am laying down the law with her. I want to be fair but I have to be firmer with her too.

This driveway showdown isn’t just about one unannounced visit—it’s a symptom of a grandmother’s refusal to respect new parents’ autonomy. The couple’s frustration is understandable; navigating parenthood is tough enough without someone undermining their choices. The mother’s baby-talk jabs and name objections reveal a control issue, clashing with the couple’s need for peace.

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Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Clear boundaries are critical during major life changes like becoming parents” (Psychology Today). The mother’s disregard—showing up despite clear instructions—fuels tension. Ignoring her was a dramatic but effective stand, though it risks escalating family drama. Her possessive comments, like speaking for the baby, could subtly undermine the parents’ bond with their child over time.

A 2024 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that 62% of new parents face boundary conflicts with relatives (APA). The couple’s reaction is valid, but calmer communication might ease future clashes. Dr. Heitler advises setting written rules—call before visiting, respect parenting decisions—and enforcing them consistently. This balances family ties with personal space.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crowd jumped in like a lively book club, tossing out cheers and warnings with equal zest. It’s like a virtual coffee shop where everyone’s got a spicy take—some praising the couple’s united front, others flagging the grandmother’s creepy overreach. Here’s the raw scoop:

sharkbuddie − NTA. F**k yeah dude!!! I’m proud of you for sticking up to her and standing your ground. Nothing comes before your wife and child, and you made sure that is abundantly clear. Grandmother or not she sounds like an absolute nightmare to deal with. Just because you’re related doesn’t give her the right to act like that.

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cricket73646 − NTA. 1. She’s not respecting your boundaries. 2. Your examples of her “baby talk” are freaking weird.. I’m all for having good relationships with family members, but there is only so much you can take.

Grouchy_Afternoon_23 − NTA, tell her next time she pulls a stunt like that you'll respond the same way. Edit to add: she was asking questions you had already told her the answers to, so you didn't even start this--she completely ignored you and is now surprised that you responded in kind...

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kutemouse − NTA. You are an amazing partner for standing up for your spouse. I'm a mom to a 3 month sweet baby girl, and I detest people who tell me how to parent, and I really, really detest people who 'speak' for my baby.

That is hella annoying. I would keep doing the same thing til your mom gets it, as in, she doesn't get baby time unless she respects your boundaries.. Good luck, being a new parent is a crazy ride!

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Fredredphooey − NTA. Your mom is already negging your wife to your baby! (Mom put me in a boring dress.) That comment itself is rude, but not horrible. However, this behavior never stop and is likely to get worse and worse the more you hold boundaries with her..

Your mom is on a determined path to alienate your daughter from her mom.. This seems like a small thing, but it's actually the most dangerous part of your post. Consider no contact.

chartreuseranger − 'Mommy wants to take you away from Gramma, but I won't let her!' \^-- this is the part that freaks me out. Such weird possessiveness toward your daughter and weird hostility toward you/your wife (not sure if it's one or the other or both).

That and her waiting in her car for you the whole time you were gone. This is a woman who does not give a single deep-fried s**t about anything but her own gratification. Please be very, very cautious around her going forward, OP. I have a bad feeling she's the type who'll take 'laying down the law' as a challenge to her authority. NTA.

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FlashyMastiff − I love, love, love how you and your wife handled it. Standing ovation, Ma'am!. NTA. p.s. your mom sounds like the dude from Silence of the Lambs 'It gets the hose'. That pretending to speak for the baby crap is creepy.

d3v1Ly0uKn0w − NTA. You set a very reasonable boundary and she steamrolled it immediately. Your mom then whined to the family about your actions. I have had a MIL like this, so I feel your pain. Stay firm with your boundaries, and if you need to, give an ultimatum.

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You & your family deserve your time to relax and enjoy each other without anyone crashing your party. If she wants to be a part of her new grandchild’s life, she’ll need to respect the rules you set forth.

onecrazywriter − Oh my gosh, I get it! You are trying to set the rules for your house and your mom is running roughshod over your boundaries as if they don't exist! My mother used to do this. I moved in with my girlfriend and Mom decided to 'help' me by bringing things over all the time. First, she came by unannounced.

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Then, mindbogglingly, she went to the leasing office and they LET HER IN WHEN WE WEREN'T HOME! She completely packed our dining room floor to ceiling with boxes of useless junk! Now, I won't say that my mother is the only reason our relationship broke up, but it definitely was a major contributor.

We're great friends now, and my daughter recently married the boy that was meant to be my son. (We split before he was born and those kids never saw each other as siblings.) You probably should have answered the phone and told your mom that she was not coming in because she was explicitly told not to come this weekend, but you are NTA. Be firm. Don't end up like me and my ex!

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These Redditors backed the couple’s boundary-setting or raised alarms about the mother’s possessiveness. The debate sizzles: is stonewalling her a power move or a petty jab? One thing’s clear—this story’s got tongues wagging. Do these opinions hit the mark, or are they just fanning the flames?

This tale of a new mom slamming the door—literally—on her overbearing mother captures the raw struggle to carve out space as new parents. The couple’s stand was a fierce bid for respect, even if it stirred family drama. Balancing family love with personal boundaries is a universal tightrope. Have you ever had to put a relative in timeout to protect your peace? What would you do in this couple’s shoes? Share your stories below!

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