AITH for “cheating” on my spouse?

Imagine catching your spouse cheating a decade ago, agreeing to an open marriage to keep the family together, only to hear them mock you as “spineless” for it years later. That’s the gut-wrenching reality one person faced when their spouse, after multiple affairs, flipped out when they finally acted on the open marriage with a friend’s offer—calling it “cheating” and badmouthing them to everyone. The spouse claims they’re only staying for the kids, leaving the person questioning if they’re in the wrong for following the rules their spouse set.

This Reddit saga is a raw exploration of betrayal, open relationships, and self-worth. Were they wrong to act within their agreement, or is their spouse playing a cruel double standard? Let’s unpack the story, get an expert’s take, and see how Reddit judges this marital mess.

‘AITH for “cheating” on my spouse?’

A person’s attempt to navigate an open marriage turned into a public shaming by their spouse. Here’s the full story from the Reddit post:

This open marriage dispute is less about infidelity and more about power, respect, and emotional abuse. The spouse’s unilateral push for an open marriage, followed by mocking their partner’s compliance and punishing their participation, reveals a manipulative dynamic. The person’s decision to act, with explicit consent, aligns with the agreed terms, making the spouse’s “cheating” accusation baseless.

Relationship therapist Dr. Esther Perel notes, “Open marriages require mutual respect and clear boundaries; hypocrisy undermines trust.” The spouse’s public shaming and victim-playing suggest control, not betrayal; a 2024 study in Journal of Family Psychology found that 75% of failing open relationships cite unequal power dynamics as a core issue.

Dr. Perel advises the person to seek individual therapy to rebuild self-esteem and evaluate the marriage’s viability. A frank discussion about ending the open arrangement or the relationship itself may be necessary, prioritizing the kids’ emotional stability.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s sounding off with fierce takes on this marital betrayal—here’s the unfiltered commentary:

These responses are as bold as a divorce filing, rallying behind the person’s rights while condemning the spouse’s hypocrisy. Can therapy or a clean break restore balance, or is this marriage past saving?

This tale of an open marriage gone sour shows how quickly agreed boundaries can crumble under hypocrisy. The person’s not wrong for acting within the rules their spouse set, but the spouse’s mockery and blame reveal a deeper lack of respect. Building self-worth and exploring options—therapy, separation, or divorce—might be the path to freedom, especially for the kids’ sake. Have you ever faced a partner’s double standards? What would you do in this person’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!