AITA for erasing my boyfriend’s ex girlfriend’s names from his wall?

Picture a charming house buzzing with memories, where a quirky height chart wall holds the names of friends, family—and exes. For one woman, staying at her boyfriend’s place felt like wandering through a gallery of his past loves. Driven by a sour mood and nagging unease, she grabbed an eraser and scrubbed his ex-girlfriends’ names off the wall, leaving smudges and a brewing fight.

This isn’t just about pencil marks—it’s a tangle of jealousy, boundaries, and trust in a relationship. Was she wrong to take matters into her own hands, or should her boyfriend have considered her comfort? Let’s step into this messy moment and explore who crossed the line.

‘AITA for erasing my boyfriend’s ex girlfriend’s names from his wall?’

I've been with my boyfriend for about 8 months now and things have been going really well. We live about 30 minutes apart and his house is bigger, nicer, and closer to downtown so we spend much more time at his place than we do at mine. My boyfriend has been living in his house for almost ten years and is in the process of purchasing it from the owners.

They have always been very leniant about him painting/marking the walls so at some point my boyfriend thought it would be fun to start a height chart on one of the walls for him in his roommates (like parents do to keep track of their kids growing.) Over time, it became a tradition for friends and family to mark their heights and names on the wall.

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My boyfriend is really popular and therefore the wall is filled with friends and acquaintances. He loves it because it gives him a reminder of all the people who he cares about and is a fun thing for guests to do when they stay over. However, my boyfriend also has gathered a fairly large number of exes over the years and their names are on the wall too.

Every time I walk by them I'm forced to think about their relationship. It makes me so uncomfortable. Yesterday, when he was at work and I was in a terrible mood so I went and erased his exes names from the wall. The pencil marks are old and one of them was written in pen I think and made big smudges on the wall.

I tried to clean it up but it's pretty obvious they were erased. When he got home, my boyfriend noticed and asked me about it. I told him the truth and that it wasn't healthy to hold onto the past like that. I told him I didnt want to live in a museum of his past s**ual history. He got really upset and told me I was being possessive and overreacting.

He then said I was going to make it awkward the next time his exes came over (they are still friends and are dating other people in his friend group) because they will notice their names are gone and will think my boyfriend did it.

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I'm just upset he cares what they think and isn't respecting my comfort in his house. I've asked my friends and have gotten mixed answers.. AITA here or should he be more accommodating to his girlfriend?

A wall of names became a battleground for this couple, with the girlfriend’s eraser sparking more than just smudges. Her discomfort with her boyfriend’s exes’ names on his height chart is relatable, but erasing them without a conversation turned a personal grievance into a trust violation.

The girlfriend’s actions stem from jealousy, a common emotion in relationships. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Jealousy can signal deeper insecurities, but addressing it through open dialogue, not unilateral actions, builds trust” (Gottman Institute, 2022, source). About 30% of couples face jealousy-related conflicts, often tied to past relationships (Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2021, ). Her focus on the exes’ names, while ignoring other friends’ marks, suggests a targeted insecurity rather than a general issue with the wall.

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The boyfriend’s reaction—feeling disrespected—highlights a clash over autonomy. Dr. Gottman advises, “Partners should discuss boundaries before making changes to shared or personal spaces.” A compromise, like painting over the wall together or adding her name prominently, could ease tensions.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit didn’t hold back on this one, dishing out sharp takes with a side of shade! Here’s what the community had to say about this wall-wiping drama:

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frumpyfrog - YTA. It's HIS house! These girls are still his friends AND dating other people. You could have handled this with much more maturity. Like TALKING to your BF about it.

boymom313 - YTA. I would be livid if someone did that to me. What you did was a huge i**asion of his personal space. I would be more understanding if the wall was just of past girlfriends, but it was of many people that have been a part of his life. If it made you that uncomfortable, talk to him about it. Don’t deface his property.

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As far as it not being healthy and him needing to move on, you didn’t erase everyone else, so that’s not really a valid point. It seems like you have the issue, not him. And finally, erasing the wall didn’t erase the past, all you did was remind him and damage the trust in your relationship. You did the exact opposite of what you were trying to accomplish.

ky_biker - YTA. You should be his newest ex.

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Kufat - YTA. Do him a favor and erase your name on your way out.. *Edit* Warm thanks for the gold! Tepid acknowledgment of the silver.

Trekpunk - yta. it's not a s**ual thing. just because you're uncomfortable that your boyfriend has banged other people doesn't mean you should erase all traces of them. people are made of their past experiences.

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nkdeck07 - YTA and the one living in the past. Why are you so threatened by pencil marks on the wall? You are bizarrely jealous

Farbodj - I told him the truth and that it wasn't healthy to hold onto the past like that But it's healthy to just have a bad mood and try to vandalize another person's property while trying to hide it as well? too much hypocrisy

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NotAPartTimeModel - I’m going to say YTA. To me, it doesn’t seem a wall dedicated to his s**ual exploits, and its probably wrong to read it that way. Seems to be just a growing wall of ppl connected to him as he evolves.

It seems harmless enough, however, i would suppose its a little fair if you feel a little uncomfortable; but you didn’t even talk to him about it first. Seems to be there wasn’t any discussion whatsoever. I can see why, without first discussing it with him, and how you feel, why he’d think you’re possessive and overreacting.

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sc1293 - YTA it’s his wall for one and two, he’s probably still friends with them since you mentioned they come over with their new partners. Keeping their names on the wall wasn’t unhealthy, OP just sounds jealous

womp-womp-rats - YTA. Sounds like a really healthy relationship. Let’s assume your worst fears are correct and he kept the names up because he still has feelings for these women. You erasing the names doesn’t change anything about that. It just makes you a little shittier and more childish in his eyes.

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From calls for maturity to accusations of jealousy, these opinions are as bold as the smudges left behind. But do they capture the heart of this couple’s clash?

This girlfriend’s story shows how a moment of frustration can scribble over trust. Erasing names didn’t erase her discomfort—it just drew a bigger rift. Open talks could have turned a wall of memories into a shared canvas. What would you do if your partner’s past felt too present in your relationship? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep this conversation going!

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