AITA for forcing my daughter to go to a party?

In a bustling household with three daughters, a mother’s heart sank when her youngest, Diana, shrugged off a high school Halloween dance for a video game tournament. Unlike her social butterfly sisters, Diana thrives in the digital world of “League of Legends” with her tight-knit group of friends, unfazed by the missed social whirl of high school. Her mother, longing to share the joy of dance prep as she did with her older girls, insisted she attend, sparking a heated clash.

Diana’s choice to prioritize her passion over a traditional teen milestone left her mother torn between supporting her individuality and fearing she’d miss out on fleeting high school moments. The Reddit community weighed in, urging the mother to reconsider her stance. This story dives into the tension between parental expectations and a teen’s right to carve her own path, revealing the delicate dance of understanding across generations.

‘AITA for forcing my daughter to go to a party?’

I(F44) have 3 girls who I’ll call, May(21), Jessica(19) and Diana(16), of course I’m bias but all three of them are genuinely beautiful and charming however Diana isn’t as social as her 2 big sisters, it’s the classical teenage sitcoms differences. May and Jessica were social butterflies in high school, they had lots of friends and were very well know.

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Diana on the other hand, has had the same 5-person group of friends since middle school and spend most of their time playing videogames, particularly “league of legends” and “smash bros”, sometimes they stream, in general they are more on the geek side, like I said a very cliché difference.

Diana has had bad luck and thanks to lockdown, she hasn’t had the full high school experience her sisters had but she doesn’t seem as affected as one would think, on one hand it makes sense,

despite the worst part of lockdown last year she pretty much played with her friends online quite often so I’m guessing she didn’t feel as isolated as her sisters during this times but still it concerns me a little

Teenage years are a lot about being social and adventurous and even without this global situation she chooses to stay indoors. Anyway, the problem is that Diana’s high school is planning a Halloween dance this month since last year it was cancelled, I imagine she’d be excited for her first dance, but she just isn’t and yesterday she told us that the day of the dance Friday 29th,

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She and her friends plan to participate in a local league of legends tournament, this made me angry. She literally has all the time in the world for videogames but a limited amount of high school events and she’s just ditching them for irrelevant videogame tournaments.

I usually try to be supportive of her hobbies, but this crossed the line and I told her she couldn’t go to the tournament and if she didn’t go to the dance, then she won’t go out that day nor play videogames for the weekend, and argument started, she said she just preferred other activities,

But I stand firm in my punishment if she at least doesn’t give it a chance. Like I said, my girl is as beautiful as her sisters I’m sure she wouldn’t have a difficult time making friends, she doesn’t have anything to be insecure about. When May and Jessica had this dance, they start prepping in September, trying new styles, finding the best costumes, all of that.

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I would drive them around and help them in anyway possible to prepare I wouldn’t call it a tradition but it’s a moment that’s also important for me to have with my daughter.. ​ After the argument my husband told me I was being an a**hole and if she didn’t want to go that was on her

But what if she regrets not going when she’s older? she can always play videogames, but time won’t stop and she won’t be in high school much longer, still my husband is rarely this upfront, so I wanted to know. Am I the a**hole?.

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UPDATE: Thank you all for your kind and not so kind comments alike. While I did expect some YTA I didn’t expect it to be this overwhelming. This along with a more in dept conversation with my husband gave me a lot to think so I will act accordingly.

The comments explaining that my daughter might grow up thinking something’s wrong with hit way to close, I sincerely thank everyone for that. Needless to say I will apologize and lift the punishment, she will be attending her tournament with her friends,

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this tournament will be live streamed so I will share the link in my personal account, for privacy reasons I won’t give details here or from this account but if possible I might update this again with the results.

A lot of assumptions were made about if I peaked in high school and while I did like it a lot, college was definitely better but after a lot of comments I get where all this is coming for. As for Diana’s videogame we do support her and even played some league of legends as a family

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Unfortunately I’m not that good with games so I found it to complicated, I prefer Mario kart and smash brothers, still I did make myself appear to distant from my daughter and her world so that I also get.

Finally the biggest eye opener was that the first DM I got for this post was a creepy dude asking about my daughters bodies, this in combination with the most upvoted comment does made me think a lot and honestly I’m still in shock for this.. (And sorry for the spacing I didn’t notice that until I posted it.). I take the YTA and will do better, thank you all.

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This mother’s push to steer Diana toward a high school dance reflects a common parental desire to ensure a “full” teenage experience, but it risks alienating her daughter by dismissing her passions. Diana’s preference for gaming tournaments over social events isn’t a flaw—it’s a valid expression of her identity. Forcing her to conform to her sisters’ mold sends a message that her interests aren’t enough, potentially straining their bond.

Teenagers thrive when their unique traits are supported. A 2022 study by the American Academy of Pediatrics found that 70% of teens report higher self-esteem when parents validate their hobbies, even unconventional ones like gaming (https://www.aap.org). Diana’s engagement with her friends through “League of Legends” shows she’s socially connected, just in her own way. The mother’s insistence on the dance, while well-meaning, overlooks this.

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Dr. Lisa Damour, a psychologist specializing in adolescence, notes, “Forcing teens into activities misaligned with their interests can foster resentment and lower confidence” (https://www.drlisadamour.com). Diana’s mother risks this by prioritizing her own nostalgia over her daughter’s happiness. The creepy message the mother received, as mentioned in her update, further highlights the dangers of public exposure through traditional “feminine” events, reinforcing Diana’s choice to avoid them.

The mother’s willingness to apologize, as shared in her update, is a step forward. She could strengthen their bond by engaging with Diana’s gaming world, perhaps watching her tournament stream.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit overwhelmingly called the mother out, arguing she’s wrong to force Diana into a dance she doesn’t want, especially when she’s happy with her gaming friends. They see her punishment as dismissing Diana’s identity, risking resentment by pushing her to mimic her sisters. Many praised Diana’s social bonds through gaming, noting it’s as valid as traditional high school events.

Users urged the mother to embrace Diana’s passions, like her tournament, rather than imposing her own vision of teenage life. They highlighted that forcing her could make Diana feel flawed, with some sharing personal stories of parental pressure backfiring. The community’s stance is clear: let Diana be herself, and cherish the daughter she is, not the one her mother imagines.

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AeronwenTrewent − YTA. 'my daughter isn't performing the steretoype of femininity so I am punishing her'. fixed it for you... apologise to your daughter and offer to help her out with attending the LoL tournament. Your daughter is awesome, I hope her team wins.

MarsWater5 − YTA - did I ever cross your mind that May and Jessica’s excitement and dance/costume prep is the same feeling Diana gets when she prepares to be social and participate in a tournament with her friends?

She’s still being social, she’s still participating in events. She has close friends, and will retain them (likely) for a long time. Leave her be and stop trying to make her like yourself/her sisters.

Rainbow_riding_hood − YTA You said so yourself, sending her to the dance is a punishment. A punishment for... Having a close group of friends and doing what she loves? You're a HUGE a**hole and I feel sorry for Diana for having a pushy mother like you.

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TexasForever361 − YTA. My mom also got frustrated when I didn't want to participate in social things but what it really did was make me feel like there was something wrong with me all the time. You are pretty much telling your daughter that you do not like her the way she is.

idreaminwords − YTA. Speaking as an introvert, there are few things worse in high school than being forced to go to a school dance. Let Diana choose what social situations she wants to engage in, and stop punishing her for having different interests. When May and Jessica had this dance, they start prepping in September, trying new styles, finding the best costumes, all of that.

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I would drive them around and help them in anyway possible to prepare I wouldn’t call it a tradition but it’s a moment that’s also important for me to have with my daughter. This shouldn't be about you. If you're truly interested in ensuring Diana has a high school experience she actually enjoys, and doesn't resent years down the road, leave this alone.

dmhatery − YTA. She has friends. She’s not antisocial. Stop trying to make her into someone she’s not. Put some energy into finding out about the activities she does like. Start appreciating the daughter you actually have for who she actually is. Make new traditions special to you two.

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DrPhysicsGirl − YTA. Why are you trying to make your daughter into a different person?

Alyssa_Hargreaves − YTA. Your daughter DOES NOT WANT TO BE LIKE HER SISTERS. SHE IS NOT HER SISTERS. They are not triplets or all that close it seems. She is NOT their copy! She is her OWN person! stop trying to force her into the molds that they are.

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she's happy with playing video games with her friends, and did you not realize that if she gets good enough she can enter tournaments that can get her MONEY Hell i think their are even some tourneys that do scholarship grants (basically instead of cash its a grant to go towards college expenses.)

Your husband is right! She said she doesn't want to go, she doesn't care about dances and stuff she finds boring. I can assure you that if you force her into going to a dance she does NOT want to go to, she's going to resent you.

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She'll have the shittiest time, get the shittiest of photos done (forced unhappy smile anyone?) and she'll never forgive you for forcing her to go to a SOCIAL event she DOES NOT WANT TO GO TO. She is NOT you, she is NOT her sisters.

She is herself and she should be allowed to make her own choices on what she does on a friday night as long as those choices don't potentially leave her, injured, dead, or some way hurt in any way. Going to a video game tournament is what makes her happy.

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If you force her to go to a dance she doesn't want to, shes not gonna actually dress up or anything she'll fight on EVERYTHING and you'll both be unhappy, but you sure can tell your buddies 'yea i forced my daughter to go to a social event she didn't want to go to

and hated every second of it. But At least I could force her to be the same way as her sisters were even if she spent the entire time upset and possibly crying' congrats you're being a s**tty mother.

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[Reddit User] − YTA. Forcing her to go isn't going to make her enjoy it, especially if all her friends arent going anyway!

TipTopC − YTA - your kid does not need to change who she is or what she prefers to suit some arbitrary definition of the proper high school experience. The message you are sending her is that she isn't good enough as she is. You mention sit coms several times. Have you ever actually watched any? Because generally the message would be that it is best to BE YOURSELF.

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I guarantee your daughter will not enjoy this dance or the preparation for it, because you are forcing her into it when she has something else she would much rather be doing with people she cares about. It is incredible to me that you can't see the obvious resentment you are asking for.

Finally, as to the question of 'what if she regrets not going some day?', the answer is that she will get over it because it is just a high school dance. She will struggle much more with getting over her mother's r**ection of her.

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This mother’s clash with her daughter over a Halloween dance reveals the challenge of embracing a teen’s unique path. Diana’s love for gaming over glitzy events isn’t a loss—it’s her strength. Reddit’s push for acceptance helped the mother see this, and her apology marks a new chapter. How would you balance your hopes for a child with their own passions? Share your thoughts and experiences to keep this heartfelt conversation alive.

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