AITA kicking out my MIL after I gave birth?

In a quiet hospital room, a new mother’s joy cradles her newborn—until her MIL’s words cut like a knife. Imagining the baby with her son’s late wife, Ava, the MIL overshadows a sacred moment, prompting the mom to demand she leave. Was this too harsh or a stand for respect?

This Reddit saga unfolds a family caught in grief’s long reach. The 26-year-old mom, married to Blake, 38, battles constant comparisons to Ava, who died tragically. From wedding plans to childbirth, her MIL’s fixation stirs tension, sparking heated online debates about loyalty and boundaries.

‘AITA kicking out my MIL after I gave birth?’

I(26F) got pregnant after dating my now husband(38M) Blake, for 3 years, our relationship has always been complex, he was married before me to ''Ava'', apparently, she was the girl of —not only his— but his entire family dreams, they met during law school and she was just... perfect. She passed away 6 years ago in a very tragic way.

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Blake and her had an entire life planned, they both graduated with well jobs and were able to buy a house together, a car and started to try for children before her passing, he has always been very open about her, about the things he always wanted to do with her and wasn't able to, I've never tried to erease her from his life,

but there has been times when I thought that he crossed the line and I had to make a stop, like comparing me with her, comparing my family to hers and the worst of all, comparing my relationship with his mother with the one she used to have.

My MIL adored her, they were so compatible and even tho she treats me well you can see that she would rather have her here and not me, it's okay, it hurts yeah, but her feelings are totally valid and I know that she lost someone she loved too.

Blake and I started to talk about a wedding a few months BEFORE I got pregnant and his mother becae all excited, she said that having ''another'' wedding could be fun, like if was just for entretaintment and that she would help me.

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I agreed since I really wanted to bond with her for the sake of our relationships but the entire time she only called my wedding ''the other wedding/the second wedding'' which I get, it was his second wedding but it felt like a punch to my face. As if I'll never be a real part of the family.

She made comments about how certain things looked in Blake's first wedding, I choose the decorations to be pale mustard, Ava choose the brightest gold, I choose a carrot cheescake since it's Blake's and mines favorite, Ava choose a red velvet with strawberry filling, we choose an open venue , Ava choose a closed one.

I got pregnant during the planification and I told Blake that I wanted to wait until the baby was born to resume the wedding and he agreed, we hasdthe civil wedding for legal reasons with the baby but we plan to wait for the big one, during my pregnancy she made comments about how excited she was for him to come,

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and be a grandmother, I thought that was our fixing point since she never mentioned Ava during this, but after giving birth she said ''Can you imagen how you child would've look if Ava were his mother?'' and I couldn't. I told her that she needed to leave and to not get back until I said otherwise and I started to cry, she tried to get my husband on her said but he said no.

After I calmed down he said that it was rude of her, but that I didn't had to kick her, that it was still hard for her and I told him that she crossed the last line and that saying something like that was hurtful, my husband still thinks I'm an AH and my FIL does too.

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This story is a gut-punch, highlighting the delicate dance of blending past and present in a family touched by loss. The new mother’s decision to eject her MIL wasn’t just about one comment—it was the culmination of feeling like a runner-up in her own life. According to Psychology Today, grief can complicate family dynamics, especially when new relationships form. The MIL’s comment, though perhaps not malicious, was a cruel misstep, undermining the mother’s moment of triumph.

The conflict reveals a deeper issue: unresolved grief clashing with new beginnings. The MIL’s comparisons—wedding decor, cake flavors, and now the baby—signal a refusal to fully embrace the present. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Healthy relationships require mutual respect and validation” (The Gottman Institute). Here, the MIL’s words invalidated the mother’s role, while Blake’s lukewarm defense suggests he’s caught in his own unresolved pain.

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This situation mirrors broader challenges in blended families, where 40% of remarried couples face tension with in-laws, per a Family Relations study. The mother’s hurt stems from being measured against an idealized past, a dynamic that can erode self-esteem. Her reaction, while sharp, was a bid to protect her space and her child’s place in the family.

For solutions, open communication is key. The mother could set clear boundaries with Blake, explaining how comparisons wound her. Couples therapy, as Gottman suggests, can help Blake process his grief while supporting his wife. The MIL needs to acknowledge her misstep—perhaps through a mediated conversation—to rebuild trust. Respecting the mother’s role as a partner and parent is non-negotiable for family harmony.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade. They rallied around the new mom, calling out the MIL’s comment as a low blow and urging Blake to step up. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the community:

srslyeffedmind − NTA. Congratulations on your baby! I’m so sorry you had such a disrespectful comment made after delivering your baby. You MIL is completely out of line and your husband needs to stand up for you.

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I recognize that it’s painful to lose someone you love unexpectedly but to hold a memory of a ghost over your head in the moment when you’ve just delivered your child your husband failed. Yes, he supported you insomuch as to have her leave but you are NOT an AH for doing so. Not at all.

GenjisWife − NTA. but honestly, I'm... really not surprised at all by the content of this post, as soon as I saw the age difference I winced. Idk what it is about +30 Men dating women in their early 20's but I almost never see that kind of age difference in a healthy relationship on this sub.. ​. I(26F) got pregnant after dating my now husband(38M) Blake, for 3 years

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You started dating when you were 23 and he was 35, he lets his mother stomp all over your feelings, he constantly compares you to his dead wife... and the fact that he's not completely outraged by the comment his mother made right after you pushed a human being out of your body honestly makes me think they're trying to mold you to be more like Ava was when she was alive.

I've never tried to erease her from his life but there has been times when I thought that he crossed the line and I had to make a stop, like comparing me with her, comparing my family to hers and the worst of all, comparing my relationship with his mother with the one she used to have.

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This isn't appropriate at all - your husband and his family need to accept that you are not Ava, you are your own wonderful individual just as she was. Comparing you to her is unfair to the both of you.. ​

I agreed since I really wanted to bond with her for the sake of our relationships but the entire time she only called my wedding ''the other wedding/the second wedding'' which I get, it was his second wedding but it felt like a punch to my face.

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As if I'll never be a real part of the family. She made comments about how certain things looked in Blake's first wedding, I choose the decorations to be pale mustard, Ava choose the brightest gold, I choose a carrot cheescake since it's Blake's and mines favorite, Ava choose a red velvet with strawberry filling, we choose an open venue , Ava choose a closed one.

Hon, she's telling you loud and clear that she doesn't and won't consider you a real part of the family - you aren't Ava and therefore you're just 'the second wife' to your MIL. This isn't going to change, no matter how much you try to change it, can you really live with being treated this way the rest of your life?

What about your child, what kind of effect is this going to have on them to watch their mother be treated like that?. ​. after giving birth she said ''Can you imagen how you child would've look if Ava were his mother?''

It would be one thing if she had thought that to herself, milestones can bring back feelings of grief and it's understandable for her to wonder about the what-ifs. However, to say this to you - to your face - after you were probably the most vulnerable you've ever been, is f**king heartless.

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This served no purpose but to hurt you, your MIL was being malicious with this.. ​ After I calmed down he said that it was rude of her, but that I didn't had to kick her, that it was still hard for her and I told him that she crossed the last line and that saying something like that was hurtful, my husband still thinks I'm an AH and my FIL does too.

nope. absolutely f**king not. it is not rude to kick someone who hurts you out of your space and how dare your husband try to make you feel that it is. You 'didn't have to kick her out?' she didn't have to make that f**king comment! She's a grown ass woman, I'm sure she has enough self control and awareness to realize how utterly s**tty she was being - she just doesn't care.

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Your husband should be on your side, he should be telling his mother that what she said was wildly inappropriate and hurtful beyond words. She had no reason to say that to you. Your MIL is an a**hole because her actions scream that she doesn't want anyone but Ava for her son. Your FIL is an a**hole for thinking you weren't completely justified in kicking her out of the hospital room after her awful comment.

Your husband is an a**hole for preying on you as a young and vulnerable woman - make no mistake, no woman his age would *ever* tolerate this because they know they don't have to - and neither do you. Do you really want to live the rest of your life in a dead womans shadow, being made to constantly feel as if you aren't good enough simply because you aren't *her?*

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You deserve way better than this OP, your husband and his family are treating you like absolute garbage, any man who truly cared for you would have kicked their MIL out them damn selves for saying something so awful to the woman they love.

Swegh_ − NTA - your husband needs therapy. It sounds like he hasn’t properly grieved the death of his first wife and he’s not fully grasping what his mother said to you. Your MIL deserved what she got. They need to stop these comments toward you. Consider r/justnoMIL.

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lc_2005 − NTA but you need to be very clear that these non-stop comparisons need to stop. I don't know how you have dealt with it. Personally, I would feel like I am constantly being reminded that I am only around because she is gone and will never be as good as her. If this is how you feel, you need to make it crystal clear to them.

slytherinchica1 − NTA. I can’t even imagine how hard it is for you to be constantly compared to a dead woman, who seems more perfect to your MIL over time because that’s how memories work.

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It is completely inappropriate to say something like that to a new mother, treating you like a replacement for Ava and implying that the baby would be better/cuter if Ava were its mother. Normal people would stop and think before saying something so crass.

[Reddit User] − NTA there are some very nice descriptions from second wives/husbands about how they honor their SO’s deceased Spouses. Pretending they didn’t exist or deliberately not acknowledging the past is unnecessary in my opinion, but your MIL is taking things in the opposite direction. Of course they’d prefer she not have died so soon.

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And yes that means you wouldn’t be around. But to openly voice that special moments are less special to them because it is you and not Ava is mean and your husband is not seeing how destructive that can be over time. I know MIL didn’t actually say that, but I bet that’s what it feels like

Holographic_honeybee − NTA. this whole family sounds s**tty tbh. I get that they all miss is first wife but comparing you to her is just cruel. Your in laws need to come to terms with the fact that your their daughter in law now, their grandchild is your kid, and that as awful as it is, Avas gone and they need to stop making it sound like her passing is your fault. I’m surprised you married this dude honestly.

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ApartLocksmith1 − NTA, congratulations on your bundle of joy. Enjoy every single moment, time passes so quickly. By no means are you in the wrong here. Perhaps use this incident as a teaching opportunity for your husband and family - explain that you have been gracious,

and understanding of their relationship with Ava, you have been respectful and considerate of her memory HOWEVER, the same courtesy has not been extended to you. The comment about the baby, which came just after the birth wasn't just uncalled for, it was thoughtlessly cruel.

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Intentionally or not, it caused you as a new mother hurt and distress. Before his mother is welcomed into your home again, she needs to understand that you are not a plan B, you're not the reserve player called up, and your baby is not 'lesser' than what Ava's baby would have been.

It sounds like your husband could do with having the same message reinforced, if he's the person calling you an a/hole. FIL's opinion is biased as he's inclined to support his wife. Don't be swayed by flying monkeys - when you're ready, address the issue head on and make it clear that you will not live life in Ava's shadow.

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Your wedding isn't a 'fun / cute' event, it's every bit as important as your husband's first marriage. Your husband and his family can grieve and treasure their memories without setting you on fire to keep Ava's memory warm.

[Reddit User] − Nta. No offense, but isn't it bad enough that you are treated as a dead women's shadow and now your child will be also been told stories of her.. She's was a good person no judgement on that but nobody should be treated as second to best.

felineunderling − NTA. Your MIL sounds like a selfish and manipulative piece of work who’s spoilt one of the most precious moments of your life.

These Redditors brought the heat, praising the mom’s backbone while side-eyeing Blake’s tepid response. Some saw the MIL’s grief as no excuse for cruelty; others questioned the family’s obsession with Ava. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the drama?

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This tale of a new mom standing her ground reminds us how grief can linger like an uninvited guest, complicating family ties. The MIL’s comment was a painful misstep, but the husband’s half-hearted support raises bigger questions about loyalty and healing. The Reddit community backed the mom, but the path forward lies in open dialogue and firm boundaries. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation, caught between honoring the past and claiming your present?

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