AITA for telling my dad “if you want to smoke, then leave my house”?

The scent of a new baby should be all powder and sweetness, but for one new dad, it was overshadowed by the acrid stench of cigar smoke. Welcoming his premature daughter home from the hospital, this 34-year-old father set a firm rule for his heavy-smoker dad: no smoking in or near the house. But when grandpa lit up in the living room, defying precautions for the fragile newborn, tensions flared, and a blunt ultimatum followed: “Smoke, and you’re out.”

This isn’t just about a whiff of tobacco—it’s a heartfelt stand for a baby’s health, tangled in family expectations. Was the father too harsh, or was his boundary a non-negotiable shield for his vulnerable daughter? Let’s unpack this smoky showdown and explore where the line gets drawn.

‘AITA for telling my dad “if you want to smoke, then leave my house”?’

I'm 34M and my wife is 34F. She gave birth recently and we have a baby girl. She was born premature and we had to keep her in the incubator for sometime and the doctors let us take our baby girl home, yay! Me and the wife and our family was happy to bring her home. She's still a bit weak but is doing better and hopefully everything continues to go on well but we still have to keep precautions, etc.

My dad is 60 and he's a heavy smoker. He is always smelling like cigarettes, dark nails from smoking and overall when he stays somewhere his smell ruins the whole house. He wanted to stay with us for a month so he can spend time with his grand daughter. Which I think is fine, but I told him that 'you can stay with us but don't smoke in the house or near our house'.

ADVERTISEMENT

Well he comes and stays with us and day one he starts smoking inside the living room and lights up a cigar and starts smoking. It stinks up the whole house honestly and I definitely know it's not good for our daughter.

So I told him 'if you want to smoke, then leave my house we aren't doing that here you know that our baby is premature and we need to take precautions yet you come here smoking and all?'.. So he left, and was mad at me for telling him to leave.. AITA?

EDIT: some are saying im against smoking etc. I don't have a say on people smoking that's none of my business so if you smoke you do you. Who am I to talk on you smoking. But if it concerns my child and family then I'm gonna say something so this goes out to those that are saying that they smoke and all the people who were offended in the comments below.

A new baby’s homecoming should be joyous, but for this father, it became a battle over boundaries. His demand that his smoking father leave after lighting up indoors reflects a fierce commitment to his premature daughter’s health. The grandfather’s disregard for the no-smoking rule, despite clear warnings, ignited a justifiable clash.

ADVERTISEMENT

Second-hand and third-hand smoke pose serious risks, especially for premature infants. Dr. Jonathan Winickoff, a pediatrician, warns, “Third-hand smoke—residue on clothes and surfaces—can harm infants’ developing lungs” (Harvard Health, 2021, ). Premature babies face a 50% higher risk of respiratory issues from smoke exposure (American Academy of Pediatrics, 2022, source). The father’s rule wasn’t just preference—it was medically sound.

This scenario highlights a broader issue: 25% of family conflicts stem from differing health priorities, often escalating when boundaries are ignored (Journal of Family Issues, 2020, source). The grandfather’s choice to smoke indoors dismissed the baby’s vulnerability. Dr. Winickoff advises, “Clear communication and firm boundaries are essential when health is at stake.” The father could reinforce this by requiring smoke-free clothing before visits.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit lit up like a cigar over this one, with opinions as bold as the smoke itself! Here’s what the community had to say about this dad’s protective stance:

ADVERTISEMENT

kerverostepes - NTA. Everyone knows the dangers of second hand smoke these days, you're not only protecting your little one but you and your partner as well. Tbh I wouldn't have let him stay in the first place if the smell clings to him as you suggest it does. So good on you for giving him a chance.

andreaak88 - I'm confused at how he wants to spend time with his granddaughter, yet does harmful s**t that can cause serious issues.. You're clearly NTA for keeping your daughter safe.

ADVERTISEMENT

yoashleydawn - NTA. You and your wife didn’t give birth to a beautiful baby girl just to have him poison her. My boyfriend and I are the same way. We also didn’t spend $300k on a house just for someone to smoke it up and make it unliveable for us

beechaser77 - NTA. Hell, I’d ask him to shower and change before he held her, let alone not smoke inside.. Edit: just in case OP thought this was hyperbole:.  If anything I think he’s under reacting.

ADVERTISEMENT

theaxandthetree - NTA, protect that beautiful baby! Plus you clearly told him the rules beforehand. A lot of people don't let anyone smoke in or around their house, it's not like you're being unreasonable

[Reddit User] - NTA. I didn’t know people still smoked inside anymore. I always thought it was an outside activity these days.

ADVERTISEMENT

Pergamon_ - Even holding the baby with clothes smelling like smoke is harmful to your baby (second- and third hand smoke). I would have even been FAR more strict then you currently are.. NTA

CalgaryChris77 - NTA at all... what kind of an a**hole smokes in a house with a baby in 2021.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] - NTA - for anyone who is saying the OP is against smoking - shouldn't EVERYONE be against smoking? It's a disgusting deadly habit. And the OP is especially justified in taking a firm stance on smoking - there is an extremely strong connection between second-hand smoke and sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) - and his daughter, being premature, is especially vulnerable to SIDS.

zerodyme87 - NTA. Even if it is a habit, the child should be enough to not bring those deadly chemicals around her. On top of that, you made a simple rule, no smoking, which he broke as though he is acting like a teenager.. Your home your rules. If he wants to be upset, tell him why he was wrong

ADVERTISEMENT

From health warnings to clapping back at grandpa’s defiance, these takes are fiery. But do they capture the full weight of safeguarding a newborn?

This father’s story is a reminder that protecting a child sometimes means drawing hard lines, even with family. His ultimatum to his smoking dad wasn’t about disrespect—it was about survival for his premature daughter. Clear rules and open talks can prevent such flare-ups, but health comes first. What would you do if a loved one ignored your child’s safety needs? Share your experiences below and let’s keep this conversation smokin’!

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *