AITA for making my daughter cover up at home?

In a sun-drenched suburban home, tension simmers like a pot left too long on the stove. A 58-year-old mother, firm in her anti-tattoo stance, locks horns with her 22-year-old daughter, whose butterfly tattoo—etched proudly on her shoulder—has become a battleground. The mother’s ultimatum: cover it up or find somewhere else to live. With the daughter back home for an unpaid internship, the air crackles with resentment, leaving readers wondering who’s in the right.

This clash of values—personal freedom versus household rules—sets the stage for a fiery debate. The mother’s rigid stance collides with her daughter’s bid for autonomy, pulling us into a story that’s less about ink and more about control, love, and the delicate threads of family ties. Reddit’s vocal community has plenty to say, and their verdict is sharp.

‘AITA for making my daughter cover up at home?’

I (58F) have a daughter (22F). I am very anti-tattoo and my daughter is very aware of this. When she left to go to college, I told her that as long as I was paying for her school, she was not allowed to get a tattoo. Since I was paying for her undergrad, she followed my rules.

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When she was getting ready to start grad school about 1.5 years ago, which she was paying for, she apparently went out and got a tattoo of a butterfly on her shoulder that's about the size of my fist. I didn't know about it until about 6 months ago when she finally mentioned it.

I absolutely hate it, I think it's ugly and gross. The current situation: My daughter is moving back in with me and my mother to complete her internship that is required for her masters degree. I told her that when she is in the house she has to wear clothing that covers the tattoo because I don't want to see it.

She says that's not fair because it is very hot where we live and she likes to wear tank tops and stuff. I say it's my house so it's my rules and she is welcome to find other living arrangements if she doesn't like it. I know that she cannot find other arrangements because the internship is unpaid so she has no option exception living with me for free.

My mother doesn't really like tattoos either, but she hasn't said anything about this situation except to say she is staying out of it. I think I might be the a**hole because she is an adult who can make her own choices, but I cannot stand the tattoo and I'm so disappointed that she made the choice to get one. So, AITA?

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Navigating family rules and personal expression can feel like walking a tightrope. Here, a mother’s rigid stance on her daughter’s tattoo highlights a clash of values—her house, her rules, versus her daughter’s bodily autonomy. The mother’s disapproval stems from a visceral dislike of tattoos, while her daughter, a graduate student, sees it as a personal choice. The power dynamic, with the daughter financially dependent during her internship, adds a layer of coercion to the mother’s demand, making the situation feel less like a negotiation and more like a mandate.

This scenario reflects a broader issue: generational differences in accepting body art. According to a 2023 Pew Research study, 32% of adults under 30 have at least one tattoo, compared to just 12% of those over 50, highlighting a cultural shift (pewresearch.org). The mother’s insistence on covering the tattoo may signal discomfort with evolving norms, while her daughter’s choice reflects a generation embracing self-expression.

Dr. Deborah Tannen, a linguistics professor and expert on family communication, notes, “Rules in a family home often reflect deeper values, but enforcing them without dialogue can erode trust” (nytimes.com). In this case, the mother’s rule risks alienating her daughter, who may feel her autonomy is dismissed. Tannen’s insight suggests that open conversation could bridge the gap—acknowledging the mother’s discomfort while respecting the daughter’s choices.

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To move forward, the mother could initiate a calm discussion, perhaps saying, “I struggle with tattoos, but I want to understand why this matters to you.” This approach fosters mutual respect. Alternatively, the daughter could propose a compromise, like covering the tattoo during family gatherings. Both need to prioritize their relationship over rigid stances. For broader guidance, resources like Psychology Today’s articles on family dynamics offer practical tips for navigating such conflicts (psychologytoday.com).

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s hot takes are as fiery as the summer heat in this story—candid, witty, and unfiltered.

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TrumpsTruckNuts − YTA. It may be your house, but its not your body. Also, shes finishing up her masters. Sounds like shes got a good head on her shoulders and is intelligent. Why not be positive about that, instead of being negative about her tattoos.

Tbh, youre an adult, act like it. Its not even an offensive tattoo yet youre willing to kick your child to the curb over it. Shes a grown woman, in school, trying to make something of herself, and all you see is a butterfly tattoo?

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meowmumbroken − YTA. Also, something to contemplate: Which is bigger, your h**red of tattoos or your love for your daughter? Because one of those two things is going to shape your relationship with her, your call which one.. Edited to say thanks so much for all the upvotes and awards! Highlight of my week. (lockdown) 🤣

PoisonOfKings − YTA. Yeah, sure it’s your money and your house and all that good s**t. But my god woman, your daughter is not some auxiliary attachment of yours. She’s going to have her own morals and values and wants,

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and you need to just get the hell over it. No one is making *you* get tatted, but your daughter is an adult who is allowed to make her own choices. She shouldn’t have to “cover up” in her place of living just because you’re too sensitive.

[Reddit User] − YTA - Do you actually have a legitimate reason behind hating tattoos or are you one of those parents that need to control every aspect of their child's life? Why TF do you care about a small butterfly tattoo, How does it ACTUALLY AFFECT you? It's not like your daughter is a b**, it just sounds like you're making a mountain out of a mole hill.

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vespa2021 − YTA. Why is this so important to you? Honestly you sound nuts and this is coming from a 56 year old who doesn’t like tattoos either.

[Reddit User] − YTA,. i say it's my house so it's my rules. It is not you body it is hers so her rules.

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CVik92 − YTA. Out of curiosity is it your house, or your mothers house?

Estre11a − YTA - OP I get it, you dislike tattoos. My mother was the exact same way, but her reaction to my older sister's first ink was better than yours. It's your daughter, if you dislike part of your daughter, that's not going to end well for you both.

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I watched my sister separate herself and become more and more sneaky behind her/my mother's back. Until once my mother realized she was being absurd, it's a drawing on her skin. If she got 'f**k you OP' on her shoulder than maybe you'd be in the right here. Other than that, you have to relax.

You know as you mentioned that she can't live elsewhere, so why make her struggle while being at home. Just get past the ink, times have changed love, tattoos no longer stop people from employment opportunities or anything like that. Also just know this, she got that tattoo because SHE loves it.

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It wasn't to spite you, but she may get more to spite you if your behavior continues. Don't give your kids a reason to spite you, especially over something so tolerable as a tattoo. EDIT: my first Reddit award! Thank you so much, also I’m glad many of you fine people agree with my points made here!

Whitestaunton − YTA...and you know it. ' I think I might be the a**hole because she is an adult who can make her own choices'. You are punishing her for making a grown up choice you don't like...a choice she was perfectly entitled to make and you know that is what you are doing too ' I'm so disappointed that she made the choice to get one.'

You are right it is your house so you can technically have any rules you like no matter how unreasonable as long as they are legal. But you know you are being an AH and don't be surprised if this tarnishes your relationship.

AprilL4163 − YTA. Enjoy this time while you have power over her because you're not likely to see her much once you don't.

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These opinions spark a lively debate, but do they truly capture the nuance of family dynamics, or are they just keyboard warriors venting?

This tale of tattoos and house rules leaves us pondering: where’s the line between respecting a parent’s home and honoring an adult’s choices? The mother’s stance may feel like control to some, while others see it as her right to set boundaries. What would you do if you were caught in this family face-off? Share your thoughts—have you clashed with family over personal expression, and how did you handle it?

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