AITA for moving my pregnant younger sister into my house without asking my boyfriends opinion?

A desperate 4 a.m. knock turned one woman’s life upside down when her pregnant teenage sister fled their abusive mother. Acting fast, she opened her home, but her boyfriend, 300 miles away, felt sidelined by the decision. His refusal to visit for Christmas has sparked a fiery rift, leaving her torn between family duty and love.

This Reddit tale grips with raw emotion and tough choices. Was she wrong to prioritize her sister? Let’s unpack this family drama and see what Reddit’s hive mind says.

‘AITA for moving my pregnant younger sister into my house without asking my boyfriends opinion?’

Throwaway as my boyfriend knows my account.. INFO: My (29F) boyfriend (31M) and I have been together for 5 years but he does not live with me full time. We have a semi long distance relationship (we live about 300 miles away from each other). I own my house in my town and he owns his flat in the city he primarily lives in.

We each pay our own bills but chip in for food when we are at the others place. We try and see each other for a long weekend every 2nd weekend, alternating who’s home we go to. My younger half sister (18F, who I will call Lily) recently found out she was pregnant. She told her boyfriend.

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His response was to brake up with her and block her on all social media and her number. I’m not sure if it was him or someone in his family that reached out to our mum and told her Lily was pregnant. Mum has a very short fuse, especially when she has been drinking. Lily turned up on my doorstep at nearly 4am in her pyjamas crying her eyes out.

Mum had apparently stormed into her room when she was sleeping, mum was yelling, screaming and very drunk. She smashed Lily’s phone and iPad. Lily managed to grab her shoes and get out of the house. Walking the 4 miles to my house (I live closer than our other siblings). At the time I sent my boyfriend a text saying “s**t has gone down.

Lily’s at mine.”. When he woke up I got a response saying “ok. Talk later” In the morning I rang my younger brother and we both went over to mums house. She was unconscious (breathing, I checked) on the sofa. In 2 hours we packed Lily’s stuff into our cars and took it back to mine. All the siblings (5 of us) talked and decided that for now Lily will stay with me, she’s still in school so can’t afford to live on her own.

Our younger half brother (21M) who is at university will stay with our oldest brother when he comes back for the holidays rather than mums. That evening (after boyfriend had finished work) we talked about the situation. He knows how volatile my mum is. He’s not happy that I didn’t talk to him before deciding to let Lily move in.

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He’s now saying that he isn’t coming to mine over Christmas.  He was meant to come down today and stay over Christmas and new year. His family lives near me, so he would see his family not just me. He has decided that he is staying with his mother as he doesn’t feel welcome at mine anymore.

I’ve had a call from his mother asking what happened, she said I was disrespectful to my boyfriend and she expected better of me. AITA for not talking to my boyfriend before deciding to let my pregnant younger half sister move in with me?

This family crisis highlights the clash between duty and partnership. The woman’s swift action to protect her sister was instinctive, but her boyfriend’s hurt over being excluded reveals a communication gap. Dr. Sue Johnson, a relationship expert, notes, “Empathy and open dialogue are key to balancing family obligations with romantic bonds” (Hold Me Tight). The boyfriend’s absence during the crisis and his mother’s interference escalated tensions.

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The sister’s escape from an abusive home was urgent. A 2023 study by the National Domestic Violence Hotline shows 1 in 4 teens face parental aggression, often tied to substance use, making the woman’s decision critical (NDVH). The boyfriend’s reaction—opting out of Christmas—suggests he feels his role was dismissed, though their separate homes lessen his claim to decision-making.

His mother’s call to chastise the woman adds external pressure. Couples therapist Esther Perel advises, “Partners must discuss boundaries around family involvement to avoid resentment” (Esther Perel). Counseling could help them navigate this, with the woman explaining her urgency and the boyfriend addressing his need for inclusion.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit dished out a spicy mix of support and shade for this family-first showdown. Here’s what the community had to say:

r060655 - NTA. You do not live together and I would have hoped he would be compassionate enough to understand your sister needs help and that this will likely not be a permanent situation. Visiting family, but not visiting you is childish behavior. I'd Take these few days to really think about how his behavior makes you feel. Good for you for taking care of your sister and removing her and her child from a potentially dangerous situation.

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RebeccaDDay - NTA, it's your house and you two don't even really live together. If I got a text frome someone saying 'I expected better' I'd probably go haywire

Trick-Strike168 - NTA. Tbh that’s break up material for me. Your sister showed up at your doorstep at 4am with no where else to go and was living in a abusive household. You got her out when she needed a safe place to stay. His response to that is to NOT come for Christmas? He’s the AH.

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crockofpot - So you're not supposed to take care of your teenage sister, but it's totally kosher for Mommy to step in and fight her 31-year-old son's battles? Your BF sucks out loud.. NTA.

thot_girl_summer - Honestly your boyfriend sounds like a massive AH. He doesn’t even live with you and this is an emergency, and all he can think about is himself. You’d bf and mum should just date each other TBH they sound perfect for each other, an AH match made in Heaven.. You’re an awesome older sister and NTA, and deserve better in both the mom and bf department

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PingPongProfessor - NTA your first responsibility here is to your sister, which you fulfilled admirably by being there when she needed you, no questions asked. 'Expected better' WTF?  Your BF's mom can f**k off,

and so can your BF -- find yourself a mature man who doesn't need to get mommy to intercede for him. Your sister is going to need your support for at least the next 6-8 months. You don't need your BF getting in the way -- and he's already shown you that he sure isn't going to help.

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[Reddit User] - JFC. What choice did you have? She showed up at your doorstep. You being the good sister are now providing her a safe space. If your BF can not understand that, and made it about himself, you might want to rethink your long term plans with him as he lacks empathy..

And it is a red flag that HIS MOTHER CALLED YOU ABOUT THIS ISSUE. WTH?. NTA. Good luck to you.. And get a good lawyer for your sister to pursue pre-natal and child support from her EX.

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AlostFeather - I'm gonna sound out of hand, but I think your mum is abusive. She stormed into your sisters room drunk and violent, smashed her phone and ipad, the two things your sister would have needed to contact you and then when your sister ran out the house, clearly distressed, your mum didn't bother to call you and let you know or anything.

Your mum watched your 18 year old sister walk out the door and 4 miles in winter, at 4am. That's how people get kidnapped. Speaking from the oldest child of a recovering a**oholic mother who has ran out the house terrified too many times.

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BriaKhalifa - NTA. This is *your* house. If your boyfriend has a problem with you letting in your pregnant 18 year old sister who was ghosted by the father AND abused by your mother then he really isn’t a good boyfriend.

SeePerspectives - NTA. He is showing exactly where his priorities are when you are facing a crisis, and they aren’t with you! I’m not gonna jump straight to the usual Reddit response of “dump him”, but this needs to be the start of a serious conversation about your relationship.

If the shoe were on the other foot and he was the one hosting a family member in need, would you feel entitled to a say on the matter in his own home? If you were living together then he’d have a valid point, but you’re not and so he’s not entitled to be part of the decision making, just to be kept up to date, which you did.

These fiery takes light up Reddit, but do they capture the full picture? The consensus cheers the sister’s rescue but questions the boyfriend’s priorities.

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This story serves up a raw mix of family loyalty and relationship strain. The woman’s choice to save her sister was heroic, but has it cost her love? With a boyfriend sulking 300 miles away and a baby on the way, can they mend the rift? What would you do when family and romance collide? Drop your thoughts and let’s keep the conversation sizzling!

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