AITA for telling my husband I won’t cook for him again if he chose to eat his coworker’s meal over mine?

A home-cooked meal turned sour when a Reddit user’s husband chose his coworker’s dish over hers. The sting of rejection hit hard, transforming a cozy dinner into a clash of loyalty and pride. Her ultimatum to stop cooking sparked a fiery row, leaving their marriage on shaky ground.

This tale of hurt and boundaries grips readers with its raw emotion. With a coworker’s casserole stirring trouble, the wife’s stand raises questions about respect. Let’s dive into this spicy drama and see what Reddit thinks.

AITA for telling my husband I won’t cook for him again if he chose to eat his coworker’s meal over mine?’

Hear me out. My husband (Jesse, 31) has been bringing home meals that his female coworker (Nelly) cook for him. Now I'm not the best cook and Jesse's made it clear but he still eats what I cook everyday. What I noticed with Nelly was that she tends to take every opportunity to point out how weak and taseless my cooking is.

Jesse would say nothing except steer the conversation towards something else they both relate too while I'm sitting there wallowing in my misery thinking about what she said..(also she once asked what was another chore I was good at and Jesse said ironing his suits, she in response joked about having him send her a suit of his so he could see how good she is at ironing too.

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I rolled my eyes hard but at least Jesse agreed that was weird) Last week.....Jesse came home with a new meal she cooked. I told him I already cooked dinner and asked what he was going to do with the meal. He told me he was going to eat it for dinner.

Ngl I was getting a bit irritated and he must've had noticed because he said he promised Nelly he'd eat her for dinner, and that she asked him to take a pic of the 'empty plate' later to confirm that he'd actually eaten it. I was baffled....like completely baffled at this.

I told him one thing and one thing only, told him that if he chose to eat Nelly's meal over the dinner I cooked then THIS would be the LAST time I cook for him. He started moaning about how I was being unfair and putting him in a rough place. He stalled and didn't give a clear answer til I saw him walk past me later when I set the table and prepared dinner. And put her meal in the microwave.

I felt so awful, I almost cried. I then told him that from now on out I won't cook for him anymore since he made his choice. I obviously pissed him off because he went off on me calling me childish and pathetic to make this about my 'ego'. I got up from my chair and told him I owed him NOTHING and that he made his decision and so did I.

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He snapped and said that this was ridiculos and that Nelly......was just doing a nice thing for him whileas my behavior was disgraceful and disgusting. He then went into the bedroom and I rushed after him but he shouted 'LEAVE ME THE F**K ALONE'  then proceeded to shut the door and hasn't been speaking to me after that.

His mom knew about the argument and called begging me to be more patient and not make any decisions I might regret later. She agreed that Nelly was overstepping  and firmly believes she's the problem and so I shouldn't be hard on her son. But Mil is incredibly biased, meaning in her eyes, her son is a saint who can do no wrong. So that's that.. I feel like I overreacted and really messed it up when I pushed him like that.

This culinary clash is less about food and more about trust and boundaries in a marriage. The wife’s ultimatum, born of hurt, signals a plea for her husband to prioritize their bond. Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship researcher, states, “Bids for connection, when ignored, erode trust over time” (The Gottman Institute). By choosing Nelly’s meal and dismissing his wife’s feelings, the husband risks fracturing that trust.

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Nelly’s behavior—criticizing the wife’s cooking and making suggestive comments—crosses professional boundaries, hinting at an emotional affair. A 2023 study by the Institute for Family Studies found that 15-20% of married individuals engage in emotional infidelity, often through seemingly harmless acts like sharing personal tasks (IFS Study). Nelly’s request for a photo of an “empty plate” screams overreach, inserting her into the couple’s intimate space.

The husband’s defensive outburst, labeling his wife “childish,” suggests gaslighting, deflecting from his failure to set boundaries. Couples therapist Esther Perel notes, “Respect in a relationship is about honoring each other’s emotional needs” (Esther Perel). The wife’s reaction, while intense, reflects her need for validation.

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To move forward, the couple should have an honest talk about boundaries, with the husband clearly limiting Nelly’s role to work-only interactions. Couples counseling could uncover why he’s receptive to Nelly’s advances.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crowd served up a feast of fiery opinions, with a dash of humor to spice things up. Here’s what they had to say about this marital mess:

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FloatingWallaby - NTA but you and your husband need to have a serious talk about boundaries in your marriage. The issue isn't the food- it is his creating a relationship with another woman, and being willing to hurt you to continue that relationship. This isn't a healthy friendship, and he is not being respectful of your marriage.

ETA: I am a public school teacher who doesn't fully get reddit, but these awards are so kind and unexpected. Please donate to Planned Parenthood or the ACLU to keep a**rtion safe and legal in this country

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M0ONL1GHT87 - Hohohoho wait. I’m guessing when you’re not around she’s telling him she’s better at s** too. She is trying to steal your hubby and by the sounds of it he’s eating out of her hand. Even your MIL sees it. If I were you I’d either have a very long and hard talk with him or just pack your things and go.

He’ll either have to go to marriage counseling with you, completely block Nelly out from now on. Or just admit he’d rather be with her. But now he’s trying to have his cake and eat it too.. NTA. At all. Hubby is. And Nelly. But not you.. EDIT: thanks everyone for the awards and upvotes 😍

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somethingtookish0 - NTA. This is about more than just food. This is an emotional affair and a woman who tries to put you down at every turn.

Peachuckles89 - Seriously?? You typed this till the end, read it and you still think you overreacted?? I got bad news for you, you are being gaslit. NTA. NTA She’s trynna f**k your man and he’s gonna let her, literally nothing you can do coz he seems like an A**hole

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Ryuloulou - She is pissing on your lawn and he is clapping on the side.. your husband has let his colleague entangle herself into your own home.. i only see heartbreak in the future.. leave, it’s not worth it.. NTA

Key-Bit1208 - Your husband is more concerned with Nelly’s feelings than your feelings 🚩 Your MIL agrees that Nelly is overstepping but that you need to go easier on her son, your husband, while he encourages another woman’s inappropriate attention? 🚩

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Is your MIL going to tell you to just get over it when you walk in and find Nelly in bed with your husband? Because that is where this little ‘Im better than your wife’ game is heading.. NTA and make sure you have some money set aside to protect yourself…

[Reddit User] - NTA.. He started moaning about how I was being unfair and putting him in a rough place. No, he's putting *himself* in a rough place. Nelly's supposed to be his coworker, not his personal chef. The fact she's cooking meals at all for him is weird.

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The fact she's *demanding* he eat them, complete with confirmation text that oh-so-conveniently cuts into what should be *your* evening with him, is beyond inappropriate. And him trying to turn this around as *your* ego problem? Either he needs to learn to tell Nelly 'no' and refocus their dynamic on work, or the two of you need to get to counseling post-haste to figure out why he's struggling with that so badly.

SeePerspectives - “She once asked what was another chore I was good at…” You should’ve said “finding my own man rather than aiming for the taken ones? Not looking desperate for attention? Respecting boundaries? You should try them sometime!”. NTA

hoothoothooter - Oh, honey, no. This woman is crossing all kinds of boundaries and this post is riddled with red flags. NTA. Your husband is gaslighting you HARD. You don’t deserve to be treated this way and if he’s unwilling to hear your side, something is definitely up and you need to get out

[Reddit User] - NTA.. Your husband is, at the very least, having an emotional affair, if not more... Couple's counselling is required. If he refuses, well, I'd tell him to go and live with Nelly so that she can feed him everyday.. Also, why can't he cook ?

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These hot takes are straight from Reddit’s heart, but do they hold up in real life? The consensus smells trouble—and maybe a hint of Nelly’s casserole.

This story is a sizzling mix of loyalty, hurt, and a coworker who’s a bit too cozy in someone else’s marriage. The wife’s stand to stop cooking was a bold cry for respect, but has it left their relationship too scorched to salvage? As the dust settles, one question remains: can they rebuild trust, or is Nelly’s cooking just the start of deeper cracks? What would you do in this heated kitchen drama? Share your thoughts and let’s keep the conversation cooking!

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