AITA I refused to help my ex wife pay for a surgery?

In a quiet home where co-parenting keeps the peace, a man’s phone buzzes with a bombshell: his ex-wife, Sierra, pleads for $4,000 to remove breast implants that wrecked their marriage. Her secret use of joint savings for the surgery, prioritizing vanity over their baby’s needs, led to divorce. Now, citing crippling back pain, she pulls the “mother of your child” card, but he holds firm, sparking family outrage.

This isn’t just about money—it’s a showdown over trust and consequences. Reddit’s NTA cheers back his refusal, torching Sierra’s audacity. Like a scar from a past betrayal, the story probes the limits of obligation in broken bonds, asking how you’d handle an ex demanding help for their self-inflicted wounds.

‘AITA I refused to help my ex wife pay for a surgery?’

I and Sierra divorced last year because she used money from our joint account without asking me. She spent it on a boob job because she felt like her boobs had become 'ugly' after pregnancy and breastfeeding. I had been completely against the idea of spending money on a plastic surgery but she went and got it without my knowledge.

ADVERTISEMENT

I divorced her immediately after coming to know about it. We have a 2yo daughter now whom we coparent. I have my daughter over every weekend and I pay Sierra child support. Her job doesn't pay her a lot but she scrapes by somehow. For the past one month or so, she has been leaving our daughter at our home more often.

When I asked her why, she said that her back was hurting a lot because of the boob job. I said ok and agreed to have our daughter at my home more often. A week ago, she called me asking me to pick up our daughter immediately because she wasn't able to even stand up without it paining a lot.

I went and picked up my daughter and went home. She didn't call or text me until yesterday. Yesterday, I got a call from her and she asked me for 4 grand. I asked her why and she said that she couldn't take the back pain any longer and was going to get her b**ast implants removed.

I refused and told her that it's not my problem and I don't see any reason why I should help her. She pulled the 'I'm the mother of your child' card and I told her I'm only obligated to give her child support and coparent. She said that it was a very really health issue that she's facing and I should be willing to help her for the sake of her health.

ADVERTISEMENT

When I refused again, she asked me to loan her the amount. I told her that I don't trust her to pay me back the interest or even the principal amount. She started crying and cut the call. I've been getting calls from her mother and sister and they're all calling me a jerk for being so petty.

I told them they can pay for her surgery if they feel so bad for her and I cut the call. I have blocked her sister and mother. I also texted Sierra that she shouldn't try to call me except regarding our daughter. I've not got any calls or texts after that. She ignored my last messages too.. AITA?. Edit:. The very pregnancy started with her deceiving me.

She went off pills and didn't tell me anything about it until the pregnancy test came out positive. Because of her recklessness, I had to take on a second job because we weren't financially prepared for a kid. Then I started saving dollar by dollar so that we'd have enough money to buy diapers, formula, etc. for our daughter and her.

ADVERTISEMENT

Instead of supporting me in saving money, she went and used all those savings for her boob job. She essentially prioritized her looks over our baby's basic needs. I don't care how mentally ill she was, no loving mother would prioritize her own looks over her child's food and health.

That's why I divorced her selfish ass. She cannot expect me to treat her well after she essentially took food out of my daughter's mouth for the sake of her vanity. She should be grateful I still talk to her in full sentences.

ADVERTISEMENT

The man’s refusal to fund Sierra’s surgery is a reasonable boundary, given her unilateral decision to misuse joint funds, which shattered their marriage. Her back pain, while serious, stems from a choice he opposed, and her attempt to leverage their daughter’s well-being feels manipulative. His commitment to child support and extra caregiving already fulfills his co-parenting duties.

A 2023 study in Family Process found that 61% of divorced couples face conflicts over financial expectations, often tied to past betrayals (Wiley, 2023). Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Ex-partners must respect financial boundaries post-divorce, especially when trust was broken” (DoctorRamani.com). Sierra’s family’s pressure ignores this history, unfairly painting him as callous.

ADVERTISEMENT

Reddit’s NTA verdict rightly supports his stance, though some overlook Sierra’s health crisis. Her silence since the argument suggests escalation avoidance, but communication remains key.

He should maintain clear boundaries, redirecting Sierra to medical payment plans or loans (Healthline.com). Offering to adjust custody temporarily for her recovery could show goodwill without financial entanglement. A co-parenting mediator might ease tensions.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s dishing out a sizzling spread of takes on this ex-wife’s surgery plea, with fiery support for the man’s stand and sharp cuts at Sierra’s nerve—grab a bite of these bold opinions!

Potential_Speech_703 − NTA. She has this pain because she took your money and had a boob job. This ain't your problem. Yeah she's your ex-wife and mother of your child but that doesn't mean you've to pay for her 'medical bills'. You're paying for your child's needs and coparent your child with her. that's enough, you're right - this isn't your problem.

ADVERTISEMENT

MissSuzieSunshine − Let me get this straight - when you were married, she took money out of your joint account, without discussing the withdrawl with you - AND after you had both discussed the surgery and did NOT come to an agreement on it.. So then you divorced her, and you pay her child support as well as have visitation of your child.

Then she left your child with you for a week in addition to your normal visitation and didnt even contact you during that week. When she did contact you it was to ask you for $4k to correct the boob job that she'd had done and paid for with your joint money..

ADVERTISEMENT

And now her Mother and Sister are hounding you for that money as well. Yeah so very NTA. She brought it upon herself and if her Mother and Sister feel that strongly about it, they can give her the $4k to pay for the 'repair'.'. Whats that expression? 'you reap what you sow'

Rstar2247 − Most definitely NTA. Your ex's behavior seems downright manipulative. She's your ex, her health and life is not your responsibility. The amount of audacity required for her to even ask that considering you broke up over her taking money from your joint account for this procedure behind your back is mind blowing. If you say yes to this, she'll be asking for something else tomorrow.

ADVERTISEMENT

KingPiscesFish − NTA. Your ex stole money for a boob job you didn’t want to pay for from the joint account, and now she expects you to pay to remove the implants? That was the last line for you to divorce her.

She should not expect you to pay for a surgery SHE wanted, and is now getting consequences from it. If she’s getting backaches from the implants, it’s on her for not doing enough research about the affects (good and bad) after plastic surgery.

ADVERTISEMENT

icebluefrost − INFO - How did your ex-wife manage to have a major surgery (b**ast implants), including consultations, recovery, etc, without you knowing about it till after the fact?

CDinDC − I think… NTA. I wish more people understood these fairly common negative side effects of boob jobs. I’m trying to think of a compassionate way to co-parent with her that doesn’t involve you paying for this surgery.

Don’t most doctors offices let you set up payment plans? Are there loans you can point her to? Maybe don’t treat it as punitive but ‘I believe you can get yourself out of this. Let me help you find the resources.’

RaysUnderwater − Haha good story bro, needs more dragons.

ADVERTISEMENT

SilverQueenBee − I'm not buying this. Unless she got something outlandish like GG she wouldn't be having back pain. Going up a cup or two is just a few pounds at most. If this is real, she played a stupid game and now has back pain so she's on her own. NTA

Moose-Dependent − If I'm reading this right, your ex-wife is asking you to pay to undo a surgery that caused your divorce in the first place? Like you already had no obligation to pay for her medical bills, but that's a whole nother level. NTA

ADVERTISEMENT

nixF465ds − NTA. You have no obligation to your ex-wife outside co-parenting your daughter, which you already fulfill.

These are Reddit’s juiciest slices, but do they plate up the full flavor of divorce, duty, and dollars?

ADVERTISEMENT

This saga of a surgery plea and a steadfast refusal is a stark reminder that divorce doesn’t erase the scars of betrayal. Reddit’s NTA applause crowns the man’s boundary-setting, while Sierra’s bid for cash gets tossed like a bad check. It’s a lesson in guarding your wallet and heart when past promises turn sour. How would you handle an ex asking for money to fix their own mess? Drop your thoughts below—let’s balance the scales on this co-parenting conundrum!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *