AITA for not inviting my brother and arguing with my mom and her family over it?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The air was thick with tension when Jake, a 16-year-old with a knack for navigating tricky family ties, stepped into his mom’s house after a day of arcade fun with his dad. His younger half-brother’s tear-streaked face and his mother’s fiery glare told him the storm was coming. Jake’s family is a puzzle of broken pieces—his mom’s past affair left him and his 13-year-old brother, Ethan, with different fathers, and years of emotional tug-of-war have frayed their sibling bond. His mom’s insistence that Jake’s dad should embrace Ethan as his own has only deepened the divide.

Caught between loyalty to his dad and his brother’s longing for a father figure, Jake faces a dilemma that feels like walking a tightrope over a family feud. The Reddit community has chimed in, and their takes are as spicy as a summer barbecue. This tale of loyalty, boundaries, and tangled family expectations pulls readers into a drama that’s all too real for blended families.

‘AITA for not inviting my brother and arguing with my mom and her family over it?’

I (16m) have a younger brother (13m) and we share a mom but have different dad's. My parents were married and mom cheated or had an affair and my brother was the result. My dad didn't want to raise my brother or stay married to mom, which I get, but when my brother's bio father left the country to flee all child support stuff, my mom and her family decided my dad was a POS for not loving my brother for being my brother.

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Mom over the years has filled my brother with the idea my dad should be his dad too since we're related and she's always tried to encourage me to include him in my time with my dad, and has encouraged him to tell me how he feels left out.

It's always been awkward. My dad and I talk about it. He has spoken to mom, he has taken her to court over the issues and he has asked me if I want him to adopt my brother as his own. I always said he didn't have to. I just hate the pressure.

My brother and I don't have a great relationship because of everything. I have included him a couple of times if my dad was offering to take me and friends someplace. But my brother tries to bond with my dad and then gets upset when my dad doesn't treat him the same as me. Last time he got mad because dad treated him the same as my friends and corrected him when he said they were family.

So my dad took me and some friends to a cool arcade in another city. I didn't invite my brother this time. I didn't even mention it. But I guess dad had to because he was taking me so far and my mom was pissed when I got to her house.

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My brother was upset and told me he's being left behind/left out. I told him it's not that but he needs to understand that he makes things awkward when he chases after my dad. He told me dad should be there for him too and he's just a kid without a dad and how can I not be mad at my dad for excluding him.

My mom and her family told me I should be ashamed of myself for excluding my brother. I argued back that it always ends badly when he's there and I'm done letting him think he can use that time to get close to dad because clearly dad doesn't want to raise him. I was called a s**tty brother.. AITA?

Family dynamics can turn a simple outing into a battlefield, and Jake’s story is a classic case of loyalty caught in the crossfire. His mother’s push to blend her sons’ lives ignores the messy reality of their fractured family. According to Family Psychology, blended families often face tension when expectations clash with reality, especially when infidelity shapes the narrative. Jake’s mother’s insistence on forcing a bond between Ethan and Jake’s dad dismisses the emotional boundaries of everyone involved.

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Jake’s decision to exclude Ethan from the arcade trip wasn’t cruel but a desperate grab for normalcy. His mother’s affair created this rift, yet she shifts the blame to Jake, a move that reeks of emotional manipulation. A 2021 study from the Journal of Family Issues notes that 60% of blended families struggle with role ambiguity, where unclear expectations—like expecting a non-biological parent to step up—fuel conflict.

Dr. Patricia Papernow, a renowned family therapist, states in a Psychology Today article, “Stepfamily relationships require clear boundaries to thrive; forcing connections often backfires.” Jake’s dad has set a firm boundary by not adopting Ethan, and Jake supports that choice. Forcing Ethan into their time together risks resentment, not bonding.

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For Jake, open communication is key. He could gently explain to Ethan that their dad’s role is unique to him, while offering to bond as brothers separately. Therapy, as Papernow suggests, can help the family navigate these choppy waters. Jake’s mom needs to stop pushing Ethan’s hopes onto others and focus on supporting her younger son’s emotional needs independently.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit didn’t hold back on Jake’s story, serving up a platter of support with a side of shade. The community rallied behind him, tossing out quips and hard truths like confetti at a family reunion gone wrong. Here’s what they had to say:

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[Reddit User] − NTA. You should be ashamed? Your mum should be ashamed! There’s a whole lot of blame being directed at you here that should be laid at your mothers feet. F**k that noise.

PetitPied21 − NTA. Your mother decided that her second child will have a different dad. No one forced her…. He’s a child and your mother is manipulating him. Don’t give in. You’re not the a**hole. Your mother is

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PsychologyAutomatic3 − NTA. Your mother created an affair baby and your father is not wrong for refusing to be his father. Your mother is responsible for this mess. She is has been emotionally abusing your brother and you for years by trying to force a bio type relationship between your brother and your father.

If your brother has uncles on his father’s side, he should try to form relationships with them. Your brother is innocent but you father does not owe him a relationship. Your mother’s actions show that it is her nature to only care about herself. Your father sounds like a great dad.

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mummamai − nta your mum is the only one to blame and this is going to bite her in the ass one day

Catacombs3 − OP's mom has destroyed her marriage, now she is working on destroying the sibling bond between her sons. If she is not careful, she will destroy her younger son by encouraging him to believe her first husband owes him a father/son relationship.

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No doubt she will be Shocked and Heartbroken when OP moves out as soon as he can. She can't see she is chasing him away by putting him into the middle of a situation he is in no way responsible for.

Ambitious_Amoeba1992 − NTA. The only AH in this story is your bio mom, and the guy who got her prego. You say, 'My dad didn't want to raise my brother or stay married to mom' No s**t. I'm glad you understand that point. The outcome was logical and predictable.

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Your father has too much self-respect not to remove himself from the situation. The affair partner was an AH to begin with, having s** with a married woman. So when baby came along, it's no surprise that he bounced.

The situation for your brother sucks. Only, it was your mom that is 100% to blame here. You can't correct her mistake, and she's an AH for pressuring you to treat him more like your bio brother.. While none of this is your brother's fault...you can't undo the past. NTA

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Makepsma − NTA.. Your mom and your brother’s bio dad are TA. You have done nothing wrong and neither has your dad. I feel bad for your brother though. He’s just a kid manipulated into thinking your dad has a responsibility to love him as a son. Maybe you could try to make time and hang out just the two of you? It might help the two of you build a relationship of your own, without the awkwardness surrounding the adults.

HunterDangerous1366 − NTA Your dad offered to adopt him if it made you feel better/life easier. You didn't and don't want that. Thats not your fault or your dads. He and you do include him occasionally when its appropriate, but his actions make it awkward.

He is 13, and while still young, he is old enough to understand that your dad isn't his, he and his family have no obligation to include or raise him. He only has your mum and his bio father to blame, not you or your father. Your mum needs to stop filling him with false hope and the nonsense that your all family cos the fact us your not. Her actions caused the split and this is the consequence of those actions.

In a couple of years you could be out the house completely (uni, move in with your dad or just move out) then your dad will have no reason to see or interact with him because you aren't there. So it needs to be stopped now, because he is the only one who will suffer down the line and thats noones fault but your mums.

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Intrepid-Database-15 − I would sit your brother down when moms not around and explain to him in child terms that your dad isn't comfortable raising him and bonding with him because your mom had another boyfriend while married to your dad.

Let him know that while you like him and like spending time with him, you want your time with your dad to just be you. Not including your brother. Let him know that it sucks he doesn't have a dad and your heart breaks for him, but he can't force your dad to love, care or want a bond with him.

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Tell him that mom shouldn't have put those ideas in his head, that you can't expect another person to want to bond and raise another person's child. In the end tell him that hopefully he'll understand when he's older and has kids of his own one day.

You need to frame it as you care about him but mom shouldn't have pushed this, because its not your dads job to raise the kid and make him uncomfortable to do so. It also might be time to live fully with dad,

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if your mom can't stop pushing this and trying to shame you for not including your brother. But you need to get it across to brother that dad doesn't have to bond with him, nor should he have to. Just because he doesn't have a dad doesn't mean he gets to have yours.

EllieMacAus19 − NTA. I feel for you and your dad. What an awful situation. Your mother is horrible and causing damage to everyone else. Your half brother also needs to come to terms with the fact that your father isn’t his father, but maybe he’s a bit too young or has been brainwashed by your mother for too long.

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You’re definitely NTA and it’s only fair that you get to spend time with your own father without your half brother tagging along. Can you just live with your dad full time? It’s awful that your mother’s toxic behaviour has made you feel guilty and you shouldn’t have to deal with her.

These Redditors brought the heat, cheering Jake’s stand while roasting his mom’s misplaced priorities. But are their fiery takes fanning the flames of drama or cutting through to the truth?

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Jake’s story is a raw look at the messy reality of blended families, where love, loyalty, and boundaries collide. His choice to prioritize his time with his dad wasn’t about shutting Ethan out but about protecting a bond that’s his alone. Yet, the guilt and family pressure linger like uninvited guests. Navigating these dynamics takes courage, and Jake’s walking a tough path. What would you do if you were caught between family loyalty and personal boundaries? Share your thoughts and experiences below.

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